Wikipedia:Peer review/Webster's Brewery/archive1

Webster's Brewery
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've rewritten the article from scratch and I'd like an external perspective

Thanks, Farrtj (talk) 08:08, 26 April 2011 (UTC)

Comments by H1nkles
 * What is a "tied house"? I'm not familiar with that term and you may want to explain this in the history section.
 * I see a dead link tag next to ref 6, that'll need to be fixed.
 * "Watney Mann were motivated by an increase to their pub estate." Change "were" to "was" for tense agreement.
 * "1988 perhaps saw the company at the height of its powers...." Consider removing "perhaps" as this weakens the statement, perhaps rephrase as, "The brewery reached the zenith of its power in 1988...."
 * "As of 2011, Heineken are the brand owners." Heineken is the brand owner.
 * "Webster's two main brands from 1982 onwards were Green Label...." "Are" Green Label rather than "were" Green Label. Since the two main brands continue to be the main brands it is appropriate to use the present tense.
 * In the first sentence in the Brands section you have an open parenthesis with no close.
 * "At this time Webster's biggest brand was Green Label Best...." At which time?
 * What does 1037.5 OG mean? When using an abbreviation like "OG" you need to spell it out first then put the abbreviation in parentheses, like Great Britain (GB).
 * You have several unnecessary words in your writing. I removed the word "generally" as an example.  When writing it is best to say what you're trying to say in the least amount of words.  Usually you can remove words like "also" and "very" as redundant and unnecessary.  This tightens up the prose and makes it more readable, compact and to the point.  Here's an example:
 * "The Green Label mild was so popular in Halifax that it wasn't until the 1970s that Pennine Bitter began to be made available to the area." I would take out "began to be" and replace with "was".  Simpler and to the point.


 * The wikilink of Courage in the History section is to Scottish & Newcastle, in the Brand section it's to Courage-the ability to control fear. You don't need to link Courage in two successive sections, one link - the one in the History section - is fine.
 * "television adverts" Watch use of slang words like "adverts".
 * This quote, "'at best, safe and boring and, at worst, offensive'" needs to be attributed. See WP:QUOTE for thoughts and requirements on inserting quotes in an article.
 * Is there a picture of one of the brewerys that can be added to the top of the article?
 * I'm not sure the formatting for ref 3 is correct, also you need a "subscription required" tag on that reference.
 * Overall you have a nice little article here. There are some prose issues that I've raised but adherence to the Manual of Style is pretty good.  I'm not sure what your future aspirations are, if GA nomination is in the future I'd say you're well on your way.  This concludes my review, if you found it helpful please consider reviewing an article either here or at GAC to reduce the ever-present backlog.  If you have specific questions regarding the review please contact me on my talk page as I do not watch review pages.  H1nkles (talk) citius altius fortius 20:16, 9 May 2011 (UTC)