Wikipedia:Peer review/William H. Prescott/archive1

William H. Prescott
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like input concerning any areas which need more work on before it's ready to be taken to the next step. I've pretty much written this from scratch, with some assistance with copy-editing and so forth. I think prose quality is a possible issue.

Comments Sandman. I took the liberty to correct your next step. Thanks, Claritas § 22:21, 19 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Lead
 * "bibliographical citations" -> only wl citations per WP:EGG
 * Fixed. Claritas § 20:28, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Main
 * "Prescott enrolled at Harvard College as a sophomore in August 1811," aged?
 * 15. Fixed. Claritas § 20:28, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "He was not particularly distinguished academically, and although he excelled at Latin and Greek, he found mathematics extremely difficult." he excelled yet was not distinguished?
 * I've clarified this. He overall was not considered a distinguished student, despite the fact that his ability at classical languages was recognized. Claritas § 20:28, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "Although unable to understand mathematical demonstrations, he was able to memorize them word-for-word with ease, which allowed him to hide his ignorance of the subject" - "Although he found it hard to..."
 * I've amended this as suggested. Claritas § 20:28, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "Prescott's problems with his eyesight were a direct result of being hit in the eye with a crust of bread during a food fight as a student.[17] " Havn't mentioned any problems before.
 * Check the lead- line 3 on my screen reads "Despite suffering from serious visual impairment, which at times prevented him from reading or writing for himself". I think that's a sufficient mention. Claritas § 20:28, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "He relied on his wife, friends and later paid assistants to read for him, and resorted to using a noctograph to write with. Prescott considered his admission to the Phi Beta Kappa Society as a senior a great personal honour.[18] He graduated from Harvard in 1814" when did he get married? Is this in chronological order?
 * I've rewritten this section so it is in chronological order. Claritas § 20:43, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "After a short period of courtship, he married Susan Amory, the daughter of Thomas Coffin Amory and Hannah Rowe Linzee, on May 4, 1820.[24] " Now he gets married!
 * "Ticknor notes that the couple's ancestors fought on opposite sides of the American Revolutionary War—Captain Linzee having fought for the British at the Battle of Gloucester, whereas Colonel William Prescott fought for the United States at the Battle of Bunker Hill.[25]" Perhaps, but it is not overly interesting.
 * Yeah, this is a WP:TRIVIA one. I've removed it, as well as the fact that he, his father, and his son W.G.P coincidentally had the same room in Harvard, because it doesn't really have any real importance in the context of Prescott's life. Claritas § 20:49, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "In 1821, Prescott abandoned the idea of a legal career because of his poor health and resolved to devote himself to literature" is this the eyes again or something else?
 * It was essentially the eyes, looking at the source I've cited - the major issue was that he couldn't read unaided all the time. Claritas § 21:17, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * I note that Spanish, Italian and French literature are not worthy of wikilinks.
 * Thanks for fixing. Claritas § 21:17, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "Among the works he studied during this period were such classics as Dante's La Divina Commedia and Boccacio's Decameron." Hmm, could this be rewritten. "His interest in poetry made him study, amongst others, Dante's La Divina Commedia and Boccacio's Decameron" Isn't it Divine Comedy in English?
 * It's Divine Comedy in English. Your re-write looks better isolated, but in the context of the sentences before and after, both which explicitly refer to his interested/studies of Italian poetry, I think there's no good reason to change the sentence. However, if you think it would improve the prose quality, go ahead. Claritas § 21:17, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "The first of these, published in 1824,[28] was titled Italian Narrative Poetry, and became somewhat controversial after it was heavily criticized in an Italian review by Lorenzo Da Ponte, the librettist of Mozart's Don Giovanni.[29] " Full stop after poetry.
 * "Da Ponte published the criticisms as an appendix to his translation of Dodley's Economy of Human life, which resulted in it being noticed rather late by Prescott.[30] Prescott's friend, the Harvard academic George Ticknor, gave him copies of his lectures on Spanish literature, resulting in Prescott's lifelong interest in the history of Spain." awkard change in focus. The flow in the rest has some of the same awkwardness. Check WP:1a.
 * I've split the paragraph up and re-organized some of the content. Claritas § 08:41, 30 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Personal life
 * list prose is not encouraged. try convert to ordinary prose.
 * I've turned it into ordinary prose, but there is very little information about his children (nothing in any of the biographies). I'll have a go at finding a little more. Claritas § 16:48, 30 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Published works
 * This could benefit from being a seperate list with additional explanation of the works..
 * Yep. I'll see if I can get my hands on a copy of this, would be a useful asset, but it would be a fairly big venture to create a reasonably complete list of academic papers. For the purposes of the author's article, would it be appropriate to remove the list of papers, and simply leave the books/extended works, or would it be preferable to remove the whole section for the time being ? Claritas § 21:05, 29 August 2010 (UTC)


 * I cannot judge what has been his most important works. If his bio mentions like 3-6 most notable, list them. Else I would be inclined to axe all of them. As an aside, I believe, reviewers tend not to rewrite prose if the editor doesn't agree. Sandman888 (talk) 16:28, 30 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I'll scrap them all. The major works are all given sufficient coverage in the main article. I might create William H. Prescott Bibliography or some similar list later on - there are ample published resources to do so. Claritas § 16:36, 30 August 2010 (UTC)