Wikipedia:Peer review/William P. Halliday/archive1

William P. Halliday
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because to prepare for GA review. Thank you in advance for any comments or suggestions.

Thanks, Lawman4312 (talk) 18:57, 1 December 2012 (UTC)

Nikkimaria (talk) 22:47, 1 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Comments from Nikkimaria
 * A lot of your reflinks aren't working, probably because you're trying to link page numbers
 * Changed.
 * Try making the article text accessible to non-Americans: for example, the first time you say "Civil War", specify US
 * Changed.
 * "where he was eventually convinced to stay and open a school. Eventually" - repetitive to have two eventuallys so close together
 * Changed.
 * "However, after a short time he switched careers" - don't need "however"
 * Changed
 * What's a "siter"?
 * Changed
 * "Later, he worked as a merchant, cotton planter, lumberman, banker, miller, coal mine operator, owner of vast tracts of coal and farm lands, owned salt mines in Illinois, and was a pioneer lumber dealer in Cairo" - either stick with "was" throughout, or rework owner vs owned
 * Changed.
 * "Halliday was consumed with business" - what does this mean?
 * Changed.
 * The second and third paragraph of Civil War could use some reorganizing, as currently the chronology is unclear
 * Changed. Added new information.
 * Link or explain specialist terms like "balustrade"
 * Changed.
 * "One unique addition to the Riverlore is the distinctive river boat theme of the house" - is this an addition, or part of the original design of the house?
 * Changed.
 * "he bagan investing" - read through for other typos
 * Changed
 * Consider adding ISBNs for recently-published books
 * Changed.
 * Some of your categories overlap - an article shouldn't usually be in both a parent and its child categories.
 * Changed.