Wikipedia:Peer review/William Speirs Bruce/archive1

===William Speirs Bruce===


 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it is a recent GA promotion which will benefit from further critical review and feedback before any decision to take it on to FAC

Thanks, Brianboulton (talk) 10:48, 15 June 2008 (UTC) :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Peer review/William Speirs Bruce/archive1.

Comments from
 * You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
 * Be nice if the notes were in two columns.
 * Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) I'll try to get back and look at the prose in a bit. Trying to catch up on sourcing stuff since I was so busy the last two weeks! 22:28, 15 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Thanks for looking at the sourcing/referencing. I presume these were OK since you didn't comment. As for the two columns, I've put a reflist|2 tag in, but you'll have to tell me if it now shows the notes in 2 columns, since I use Internet Explorer which can't show the 2-column format, per discussion on FAC talkpage. If you can get to read the prose, you will find that no animals were harmed during any of Bruce's expeditions. Worth a cheer. Brianboulton (talk) 23:44, 15 June 2008 (UTC)


 * Yep, things were good. As you can see, I'm working on the backlog of PRs I hadn't gotten to in the last two weeks, thus my neglect of telling you that things were good. (Like you're suprised...) If I haven't made it back to him in a week, bop me on my talk page. Things should be a little less busy now.. hopefully. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:25, 16 June 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This looks quite good, so most of my comments will be pretty nit-picky. Here goes: Overall very nicely done. I made a few copyedits that seemed obvious, feel free to revert if I madethem in error. Thanks again for all of your work on PR and I hope this helps, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 05:13, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * In the lead Bruce's failure to mount any major exploration ventures after SNAE is usually cited to his lack of public relations skills ... "cited to" seems a bit awkward - is it standard British English perhaps (sounding odd to my AE ears)? I thought of "blamed on" but this seems a bit POV. How about "attributed to"?
 * Far better. Brianboulton (talk) 14:45, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Should "The Revd William Bruce" be spelled out "The Reverend William Bruce"?
 * "Revd" is a formal abbreviation. "Reverend" in full seems a bit pompous
 * Missing word? also could these sentences be combined? Perhaps something like There were regular visits [to?] nearby Kensington Gardens, and sometimes to the Natural History Museum, which ignited William's initial interest in life and nature, according to Samuel Bruce.[1]
 * I've combined the sentences, and reworded slightly differently from your suggestion. Brianboulton (talk) 15:05, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Here the year is in error (assume it is 1885). I also think giving the year when he was twelve makes this clearer At twelve, William was sent to a progressive boarding school, Norfolk County School in the village of North Elmham, Norfolk. He remained there [from 1883?] until 1985 [1885?], ...
 * Thanks for pointing out the "1985" error. Bruce was at Norfolk County School from 1879, when he was twelve, to 1885. He then spent two further years at University College School. That makes him a fairly elderly schoolboy by 1887, when he matriculated, but there it is. I have corrected, and I hope clarified, the text. Brianboulton (talk) 15:05, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * This just seems a bit awkward: Working at the Challenger laboratories under Dr John Murray and his assistant John Young Buchanan, Bruce gained a deeper understanding of oceanography, which was to become his most passionate interest, and invaluable experience in the principles of scientific investigation.[2]
 * Yes, it was rather clumsily worded. I've shortened and simplified it. Brianboulton (talk) 15:13, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Why the quotes in a source of "right" whales in the region? Why not just a source of Right whales in the region, since the species name is Right whale?
 * Yes, why not? Thank you. Brianboulton (talk) 15:13, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Try to avoid too many short sentences - could  Four whaling ships were equipped: Balaena, Active, Diana and Polar Star.[3] be combined with the previous sentence, for example?
 * Sentences duly combined. I'll look for other opportunities' Brianboulton (talk) 15:24, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Should this be in past tense? ''In a letter to the Royal Geographical Society he states [stated?]: "The general bearing of the master was far from being favourable to scientific work". Also is it "master" or "matter"? If master, who was the master referred to? The letter quoted in Arctic voyages is referred to in the past tense.
 * Agreed (past tense), and I've identified the "master". Brianboulton (talk) 15:24, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Per WP:MOS, images should be set to thumb to allow reader preferences to take over. "Upright" can be used for vertical images to make them smaller.
 * The "upright" works on Prince Albert, but leaves Nansen too large, so I've kept the size limit on the Nansen image. Brianboulton (talk) 15:36, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Is there a better way to state the last phrase in ..was engaged in a detailed survey of the land discovered by an Austrian expedition 20 years earlier, but not adequately mapped.[10]?
 * How about: "...of the Franz Josef archipelago, which had been discovered, though not properly mapped, during an Austrian expedition 20 years earlier". I think that's probably better. Brianboulton (talk) 15:42, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Wikilink Paisley in ... founded the Coats Observatory at Paisley.
 * Done. Brianboulton (talk) 15:47, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Should there be a space between the degree and N in At Red Bay, latitude 80°N, ...
 * I don't usually leave a space here, nor does the coor template. Brianboulton (talk) 15:52, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Is this the correct spelling "Argentenian" in "permanent weather station, under Argentenian control"?
 * No, it's wrong. "Argentinian" is correct. Brianboulton (talk)
 * I would wikilink Shackleton on first appearance
 * Done. Brianboulton (talk) 16:29, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * One sentence paragraph The laboratory continued until 1919, when Bruce, in poor health,... - could this be combined with the preceding paragraph?
 * Done. Brianboulton (talk) 16:29, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Maybe I am showing my "Mrs. Chippy Fan Club" membership here, but would it be worth mentioning that Shackleton's boat the James Caird was named for the sponsor Bruce helped line up?
 * Bruce didn't line up Caird for Shackleton. Apart from their both being Scottish, there is no Bruce-Caird connection. I only mention him in this article because it must have been galling for Bruce, who had failed to raise money for his own transantarctic expedition, to see a large donation from a Scot going to a non-Scottish expedition. I will add a footnote, though.
 * Any idea what he died of or why he was in hospital?
 * The sources refer to his health "failing", but don't provide any medical information, so I've left it at that.


 * Many thanks for this review. It shows how necessary a peer review is in an article's development. I would have said that the article was well polished - yet it had silly mistakes, spelling errors, wrong years etc. I'll be reading it again carefully, to see what else I've missed. Brianboulton (talk) 16:29, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
 * You are very welcome - I think all of your changes and responses are fine. The one other thing I thought of since my review is to perhaps include more on the usefulness of his measurements (aid the foundation of modern climate change studies) in the SNAE in the Assessments section (I know it is mentioned elsewhere now, probably OK to keep it there and add a bit in Assesments). It seems like he was the only trained scientist leading British expeditions at the time. I really enjoyed reading this, please let me know when it is at FAC and I will gladly support it. Keep up the good work, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:36, 19 June 2008 (UTC)