Wikipedia:Peer review/William Utermohlen/archive1

William Utermohlen


I've listed this article for peer review because I want to get this article to featured article status after my previous unsuccessful nomination, archived five days ago. I would like comments about any criteria.

Thanks, Realmaxxver (talk) 20:22, 20 November 2021 (UTC)

Comments from Kavyansh.Singh
All these are just suggestions, feel free to ignore any which you didn't like. Will continue. Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 07:29, 23 November 2021 (UTC)
 * May I suggest you to get this once through WP:GOCE/REQ. The really help to strengthen the prose, which was the main concern in the previous FAC.
 * Template added. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Well, for a quicker copy-edit, it would be much better to list this article at WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors/Requests and mention that you intent to nominate for FAC again. That would help experienced copy-editors to spot the nomination easier. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 05:41, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:28, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Philadelphia Academy of Fine Arts is linked twice in the lead itself. Suggesting rephrase it as "Utermohlen earned a scholarship at the Philadelphia Academy of Fine Arts (PAFA) in 1951. After completing his military service, he began studying in Western Europe in 1953. There, he gained inspiration from Renaissance and Baroque artists. He graduated from PAFA in 1957." (removing duplicate link and adding abbreviation to avoid reluctant repetition). Follow same in the 'Early life' section.
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Utermohlen's career lasted for four decades, from 1957 to 2001 — remove 'four decades'. It seems reluctant, as once can calculate that 'from 1957 to 2001' are almost four decades.
 * Changed. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * where he married art historian Patricia Redmond in 1965. → "and later married art historian Patricia Redmond in 1965."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * and he began — remove 'he'
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Note [b] requires a citation
 * Added Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * From 1957 to 1959, Utermohlen also enrolled in the Ruskin School of Art, in Oxford, and while at this school he met R. B. Kitaj. → "From 1957 to 1959, Utermohlen enrolled in the Ruskin School of Art in Oxford, where he met R. B. Kitaj."
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * After Utermohlen left Ruskin, he would return to America, and would stay there for three years. "After Utermohlen left Ruskin, he returned to America, and stayed there for three years."
 * Done Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * "U.S." v. "America" — consistency needed
 * replaced America Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * , whom he married in 1965 → "and married her in 1965"
 * When the prose first introduces Mummers Cycle, the reader does not know that it is a painting by Utermohlen.
 * Added. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Amherst College, in Massachusetts — in my opinion, comma isn't needed.
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * earned her master's degree → "received her master's degree"
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Utermohlen gained British nationality — replace Utermohlen by 'he'
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 01:40, 24 November 2021 (UTC)

I have made some edits myself, feel free change back or let me know if you disagree with something. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 05:41, 24 November 2021 (UTC) Excellent and highly interesting article about an exceptional man. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 05:41, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * In 1957 he graduated from PAFA, which is where his early career started. — 'which is where his early career started' looks odd. Better remove.
 * and in 1972, the Mummers Cycle was exhibited in a gallery in Amsterdam. — the reader still doesn't know what Mummers Cycle is, untily they read the next paragraph.
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:28, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Utermohlen's works have been classified as figurative — would read better if we specify who classified it (artists, historians, scholars, Emmanuelle Tulle, etc.)
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:28, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * to do portraits — better word for 'to do'? paint/make/etc.
 * Changed to paint. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:28, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Any chance we could get this portrait (File:William Utermohlen - 1967 self portrait mixed media on paper.jpg) next to Head I portrait, so that readers may see a comparison between the portraits
 * I understand what you mean, but I personally believe that image could work better in the infobox. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:30, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Well, for the infobox, I think if we have a photographic picture than a self portrait, it would be much better. Better add File:William Utermohlen 1970.jpg again. Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 06:34, 26 November 2021 (UTC)
 * The problem with using that image is given that the photograph (William Utermohlen 1970) is fair use, use of the image in the infobox for identifying the article would violate the no free equivalent criterion of WP:NFCC (specifically criterion 1). It should also be noted that the 1967 self portrait is a highly used, and the most used image that depicts Utermohlen, excluding his Alzheimer's self portraits (shown through reverse image search); so the 1967 self portrait would satisfy MOS:LEADIMAGE; "Lead images should be natural and appropriate representations of the topic; they should not only illustrate the topic specifically, but also be the type of image used for similar purposes in high-quality reference works, and therefore what our readers will expect to see." I might bring back the old lead image (William Utermohlen 1970), but I will put that photograph at Files for discussion. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:06, 27 November 2021 (UTC)
 * His self portraits have also been shown in Paris, Boston and Los Angeles. In 2008 Utermohlen's self portraits were in an exhibition in Sacramento, California. — Only Sacramento has state mentioned
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:28, 24 November 2021 (UTC)

Query from Z1720
Hi, are you still interested in getting comments for this article? This PR is getting old and the longer a PR goes without comments the less likely someone will review. I suggest that you ask editors listed at WP:FAM to comment in this PR, especially those interested in visual arts. I also encourage you to look at the last FAC, fix the concerns that were posted there, and ask editors who posted in the last FAC to look at this again. Z1720 (talk) 15:04, 14 December 2021 (UTC)
 * I am going to ask Ceoil to add comments here. I have done most concerns on that previous FAC, but I might notify them when I bring this back to FAC. I might also notify GhostRiver, who did the GA review. Realmaxxver (talk) 22:01, 14 December 2021 (UTC)
 * TBH, I am getting tired of waiting for new comments now, starting FAC. Realmaxxver (talk) 12:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)