Wikipedia:Peer review/Wonder World Tour/archive1

Wonder World Tour
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I revamped it and want to know what I need to improve in order to make it a GA article, after she's done touring of course.

Thanks, Ipodnano05 (talk) 22:16, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

Comment: I think this is rather premature. The article is about a 15-week concert tour that started on 14 September and isn't even a quarter over, yet. Who knows what may happen in the remaining time, or how the tour will be viewed when it has ended? I also notice that this is your second PR nomination for 3 October when the rules do not permit more than one nomination per editor per day. I recommend that this one is withdrawn until a more appropriate time (if it were reviewed now it would have to reviewed again when the tour was finished), and let the PR reviewers concentrate on the song article.Brianboulton (talk) 11:03, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Agree with the above - here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 15:10, 23 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Language is quite rough in places and needs a copyedit. Some examples (not an exhaustive list) follow:
 * Current first two sentences could be something like The Wonder World Tour was a concert tour by the American recording artist Miley Cyrus, scheduled for September 14 through December 28, 2009, in support of Cyrus's extended play, The Time of Our Lives. It was her second tour and her first that was international and did not include performances as Cyrus' character Hannah Montana. (avoid words like current, also settle on a tense and stick to it (both present and past were used in the first two sentences)
 * I would say the UK and Ireland, not Western Europe in the tour took place in Western Europe and the United States
 * This is just ungrammatical She wanted to portray a more a mature tour that was accessible to all audiences. not sure what it even means "to portray a more mature tour" either
 * Refer to her as Miley Cyrus the first time and as Cyrus from then on.
 * Unclear In an interview with MTV News, she explained that due to time constraints, there would be no guest appearances during the tour.[12] - who is making the guest appearances? Cyrus? Other artists performing in her tour? If this is the case, we learn later a duet was added mid-tour
 * Theme and styles section has two very long quotations from Cyrus. They add little to the article and probably violate WP:NFCC - pick out the best parts to use as direct quotes and paraphrase or omit the rest. What does it add to our understanding to read things like And everyone was like, 'Alright Miley is stepping it up.' And I was like, 'Yeah, it is my tour.' ?
 * Watch WP:OVERLINKing - for example United States does not need a link
 * Refs are generally nicely formatted, but current ref 26 is just a link and a title "^ Miley Cyrus takes Britney's path" and needs much more information given
 * Watch logical organization - the strep throat incidents are tacked on at the end under the headings Additional notes and should be incorporated into the actual article - this is what Brianboulton was talking about above.