Wikipedia:Peer review/Xbox One/archive1

Xbox One
I have listed this article for peer review because I am committed to bringing this article about my favorite console to the FA standards.

Thanks, Gamingforfun 3 6 5 ( talk ) 06:19, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Comments by Jaguar
I'll list issues as I see them:
 * "which competed against other digital media players, such as the Apple TV and Google TV platforms" - this is not mentioned in the body of the article. And is it really a competitor to the Apple TV and Google TV? It's a game console, so I doubt it's particularly important to mention anyway
 * The lead's third paragraph seems outdated. Reception prior to its release isn't important to mention in the lead, and should instead be focused more in depth in the "pre-release" section. There's not enough post-release reception, which is far more important
 * "minor hardware upgrades which add support for 4K video playback and upscaling" - could be rephrased
 * Where can I find this part of a sentence? I am sorry, but I am actually editing on my Xbox One and not on my device or computer, which do have a Find button. Gamingforfun 3 6 5 ( talk ) 05:54, 29 December 2016 (UTC)
 * It's at the beginning of the fourth paragraph in the lead. I didn't know you could edit on an Xbox One! JAG  UAR   18:37, 29 December 2016 (UTC)
 * Come to think of it, it is quite funny how I am editing an article about an Xbox One on my Xbox One. My Xbox One has Microsoft Edge. Gamingforfun 3 6 5 ( talk ) 18:00, 30 December 2016 (UTC)


 * "In April 2016, Microsoft announced the end of production of the 360." - don't see how this is relevant to the Xbox One's history section
 * "was reportedly in hands of developers as early as May 2011" - informal
 * "Similar, leaked design documents also suggested that Microsoft was seeking to eliminate the ability to play used games" - remove this
 * "A second press event for the console was held during E3 on June 10, 2013" - during E3 2013
 * "Eurogamer were told prior to its release that, for simultaneous read and write operations, the ESRAM is capable of a theoretical memory bandwidth of 192 GB/s and that a memory bandwidth of 133 GB/s has been achieved with operations that involved alpha transparency blending" - remove the Eurogamer part
 * All three of the paragraphs in the "Multimedia features" section begin with "Xbox One", try mixing it up by replacing it with "the console" etc
 * "Xbox One provides the ability to feed live television by serving as an HDMI pass-through" - unlink HDMI here (duplink)
 * "An active internet connection may be required for some games, particularly those that integrate cloud computing" - another duplink
 * Forza 5 is linked twice in the Special editions section
 * "The Kinect 2.0, an updated natural user interface sensor, was redesigned and recreated to provide motion tracking and voice commands for the Xbox One." - unsourced

That's all I found on my first read through. I will continue the review soon. JAG UAR   12:16, 28 December 2016 (UTC)
 * Are you still doing this review? You sound awfully quiet here, for about one and a half months, that is. Gamingforfun 3 6 5 23:54, 11 February 2017 (UTC)
 * He probably decided that it was not worth continuing after you decided to not take your Burning Rangers review seriously. He asked you to do a source review in return for a peer review and you admitted to not doing it. There's no reason why he should hold up his end of the bargain when you did not. --The1337gamer (talk) 08:59, 12 February 2017 (UTC)
 * Or it could be because of my recent poor handling of conflict. Gamingforfun 3 6 5 02:08, 13 February 2017 (UTC)
 * I did forget about this, but yeah, I think I've said all I can here. While the article does appear solid enough, it will get scrutinised to death at a FAC, and if you're serious about getting this to FA I would recommend comparing this to another featured console like Sega Saturn or Dreamcast. This article should be written in a more cohesive and retrospective prose rather than choppy factoids which you can tell were added every time something was announced. I'd point out that getting something as major as this to FA won't be easy. JAG  UAR   18:55, 13 February 2017 (UTC)