Wikipedia:Peer review/York/archive1

York

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… it was previously (prematurely) listed for GA and failed. Substantial improvements have now been made and the editors would like further guidance, please.

Thanks, Harkey (talk) 09:45, 21 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Quick comment: I think the history section is far too detailed for a summary style section. The article is over 90 kilobytes long, and moving some of the content to History of York seems appropriate. Jafeluv (talk) 09:46, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is getting close to GA quality. It's broad in its coverage, well-illustrated, stable, seems factually accurate and verifiable, seems neutral, and is generally well-written. I have a fair number of suggestions related to prose and Manual of Style issues, but dealing with them should not be too onerous. I think the gallery is unnecessary, and the reference section needs a bit of work on formatting and adding missing bits of data.

Lead
 * Since the lead is to provide a summary of the main text of the article, a good rule of thumb is to include at least a mention of the main text sections. This lead gives short shrift to the later sections.
 * "In recent decades the economy of York has moved from being dominated by its confectionary and railway related industries to being a provider of services, with the University of York and health services being major employers." - The "with" connector is weak. Suggestion: "In recent decades the economy of York has moved from one dominated by confectioners and railway-related industries to one that provides services. The University of York and and health-service agencies have become major employers." Or something like that. ✅

Toponymy
 * "When conquered by a Danish army in 866, the name came to be rendered as 'Jórvík'." - Since the name wasn't conquered, perhaps something like this would be better: "When the Danish army conquered the city in 866, its name became rendered as 'Jórvík'." ✅
 * "Many present day names of companies and places, such as Ebor taxis and the Ebor race meeting, refer back to the Roman name." - Delete "back"? ✅

Early history
 * "There is archaeological evidence that Mesolithic people settled in the region where York now is from 8000/7000 BC, although it is not known whether these settlements were permanent or temporary." - Suggestion: "Archeological evidence suggests that Mesolithic people settled in the region of York between 8000 and 7000 BC, although... ". ✅
 * "The site of the Roman fortress now lies under the foundations of York Minster... " - Delete "now"? ✅
 * "The first Minster church was built in York... " - Perhaps wikilink minster? ✅

Post conquest
 * Wikilink motte? ✅
 * Wikilink Low Countries on first use? ✅

Tudor and Stuart times
 * "Guy Fawkes who was born and educated in York was a member of a group of Roman Catholic restorationists that planned the Gunpowder Plot] whose aim was to displace Protestant rule by blowing up the Houses of Parliament while King James I and the entire Protestant and even most of the Catholic aristocracy and nobility were inside." - This sentence may have a few too many clauses. You could break it in half after "Gunpowder Plot" and start the next sentence with "Its aim was... ". ✅
 * "the city was again dominated by the local gentry and merchants, with the clergy still important" - "although the clergy was still important"? ✅ - re-jigged.

Parliamentary constituencies
 * "though the outer parts of the city and local authority area presently fall within the Selby" - Delete "presently"? ✅
 * "Following their review of parliamentary representation in North Yorkshire, the Boundary Commission for England has recommended the creation of two new seats for the City of York." - It would be good to include the year of the review and the recommended year the two seats would be added. ✅
 * "York’s current Lord Mayor is Councillor Brian Watson... " - Rather than "current", it might be better to say something like "As of 2009, York's Lord Mayor is... ". ✅ - also updated to latest information with reference Keith D (talk) 17:13, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Climate
 * Generally, it's a good idea to round the metric and imperial numbers to the same decimal place. In the chart, for example the rainfall in millimetres is rounded to the nearest tenth, but the inches are rounded to the nearest hundredth. The nearest tenth would be better. Ditto for the temperatures. It's doubtful that the measurements are accurate to the nearest hundredth. ✅ - also corrected highest rainfall in day as per reference. Keith D (talk) 17:29, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Religion
 * Lowercase "mosque" in the next-to-last sentence. ✅

Economy
 * "York's economy is based on the service industry with 88.7% of employment in the city in 200 being in this area." - The "with" connector is doubtful here. Suggestion: "York's economy is based on the service industry, which in 2000 was responsible for 88.7% of employment in the city." ✅
 * "The service industries in York include public sector employment, health, education, finance, IT and... " - Spell out and link IT on first use, thus: information technology (IT). ✅
 * "as well as a number of different railway companies" - Delete "different"? ✅
 * "known as ABB at the time of closure" - Spell out ABB on first use if it stands for words.
 * "It was announced on the 20 September, 2006 that Nestlé.... " - Delete "the" and the comma: 20 September 2006 ✅
 * "one of which was a Self-build project" - Lowercase self-build? ✅
 * "York's economy has been developing in the areas of science, technology and the creative industries with the creation of a science park near the University of York and the city becoming a founding National Science City" - Another "with" that's doubtful as a connector. Suggestion: "York's economy has been developing in the areas of science, technology and the creative industries. The city has become a founding National Science City with a science park near the University of York." ✅
 * "Between 1998 and 2008 York has gained 80 new technology companies... " - Delete "has"? ✅
 * "Regional gross value figures added for York... " - I think this needs to be explained. It's not clear what "regional gross value figures" are. Gross value of what? How are they added and to what?

Transport
 * "York has been a major railway centre since the beginning of the railway age, with the first line arriving in 1839." - Suggestion: "York has been a major railway centre since the first line arrived in 1839 at the beginning of the railway age." ✅

Local Transport Plan 2006
 * One-sentence paragraphs are generally deprecated. I'd suggest merging the two paragraphs in this short section. ✅
 * Park & Ride should be lowercase, and the ampersand should be an "and". ✅ - also changed previous "and" to "including" to stop difficult read when & changed to "and". Keith D (talk) 18:20, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Education
 * "The University of York's main campus is on the southern edge of the city at Heslington, with Archaeology and Medieval Studies located in the King's Manor in the city centre." - Suggestion: "The University of York's main campus is on the southern edge of the city at Heslington, while the archeology and medieval studies departments are housed in the King's Manor in the city centre." ✅
 * "and range from school leavers and sixth formers" - Those two terms should be explained or linked for readers from outside the U.K. ✅ - wikilinked, hopefully the first one is to a suitable article as best I could find. Keith D (talk) 20:15, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * "Primary schools cover education from ages 5–11, with some offering early years education from age three. From 11–16 education is provided by 10 secondary schools, four of which offer additional education up to the age of 18." - Generally numbers through nine are written as words and whole numbers with two digits or more as digits. However, the Manual of Style suggests not mixing the two formats in the same sentence. If you use ages 5–11, then you should use 3 later in the sentence. If you want to stick with 3, you should change the other numbers to "ages five through eleven". ✅ - changed to figure rather than switch to words. Keith D (talk) 20:15, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Sites of interest
 * Wikilink moat? ✅
 * Should Chantry be explained? ✅ - added wikilink Keith D (talk) 22:14, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
 * "are former dwelling places of the canons" - Wikilink canon? ✅

Sport
 * The last two paragraphs lack sources.

Photo gallery
 * MOS:IMAGES generally deprecates galleries unless some special reason exists to include one. I don't believe a gallery is needed here. You have many excellent images embedded in the text as well as a link to a gallery on the Commons.

References
 * The dates in the citations should all be in the same format. You can choose to use 5 November 2007 or 2007-11-05, but you need to stick to one or the other and not mix them in the reference section.
 * Some of the citations are incomplete. A good rule of thumb for web-based sources is to include author, title, publisher, publication date, url, and access date, if all of these are known. Citation 68, for example lacks the publisher, Office of National Statistics, and the correct title, "Labour Market Profile: York".

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:13, 4 July 2009 (UTC)