Wikipedia:Peer review/Zaib-un-Nissa Hamidullah/archive1

Zaib-un-Nissa Hamidullah
Hello everyone. I wanted a peer review of this article to make sure that all my references, etc. are in order, and that the article is worthy of good, or even featured, article status. Be brutally honest if you find it necessary.--Le Grey Intellectual 17:35, 7 April 2006 (UTC)
 * Brutally honest...here goes

Sorry, but this article is a bit far from FA. You'll need to expand and organize all sections, and there is tinge of bias. Even if you use quotations, quotations canbe twisted to shown bias. For example, you have not included a quote from one of her critics. Hope I helped...--Osbus 23:15, 7 April 2006 (UTC)
 * 1) Cut out the very's and ever's. For example, Zeb-un-Nissa Ali was born in 1921 to a very literary family and to ever speak at the ancient Al-Azhar University.
 * 2) great poet Iqbal Do I detect bias?
 * 3) She grew up in a tightly-knit Anglo-Indian household filled with Bengali thinkers and philosophers of the age; as her father's house at 48, Jhowtalla Road was something of a meeting place for the Calcutta literary circle. Wrong use of the semi-colon.
 * 4) Her later writing was deeply affectedCut out deeply.
 * 5) After moving to the Punjab in 1942, Zeb-un-Nissa was in for a shock. What is this, The Da Vinci Code? Esp. since the stuff after isn't too shocking.
 * 6) Partition You should explain that, or link it to another article explaining the term.
 * 7) All the copies of the first edition had been snapped up in 3 months. Say had been sold, not snapped up.
 * 8) the ambitious and talented Zaib-un-Nissa Cut out amibitious and talented.
 * 9) soon established herself as an outspoken and fearless writer You've said this twice. I'd suggest keeping the later one.
 * 10) Many of her biographer have Biographers is plural.
 * 11) In 1951, she left Dawn, due to Mr. Altaf Husain's by now unbearable sexist policies By now unbearable? Explain how they were once bearable. I thought he was a nice guy, judging from the previous paragraph. If you make those kinds of statements, then explain them.
 * 12) Through its pages she 'sought to foster feelings of amity and unity throughout the country'. Why is this in single quotation marks" Reference the speaker.
 * 13) Begum hamidullah Capitalization
 * 14) Starting with 'Please, Mr. President!', a very emotional open letter in which she pleaded with Ayub Khan to stop ordering the police to harm students taking part in demonstrations; she wrote a series of critical editorials Again, wrong use of semi-colon.
 * 15) beloved Cut out the adj.
 * 16) The format is a bit odd. Shouldn't it be in chronological order, with Early Life, Career, and then Death?

I don't want it to be an FA yet. I understand that there's still a long road to go. I just wanted to know what people thought of the article so far. Thanks for the tips, though. --Le Grey Intellectual 17:14, 8 April 2006 (UTC)