Wikipedia:Reference desk/Archives/Miscellaneous/2015 November 24

= November 24 =

Unaccomplished parents
Is there a term for a parent who has had a mediocre life/career and as a result of his/her shortcomings wants their offspring to fulfill the lifestyle they wished they themselves accomplished? Contrib raati (talk) 09:45, 24 November 2015 (UTC)
 * Are you talking about living vicariously, or are you talking about working to create a better life for your children? ←Baseball Bugs What's up, Doc? carrots→ 10:54, 24 November 2015 (UTC)
 * I suppose its vicarious after looking up the definition. That might be the word I was looking for. Can you think of any synonyms of the word vicarious but pertaining specifically to parent-to-offspring vicariousness, especially for altruistic reasons? (note english is not my first language) Contrib raati (talk) 10:59, 24 November 2015 (UTC)
 * Trying "to live out their dreams through their children" or "living through their children", although that has very negative connotations or consequences, not altruistic. Stage mothers are likely suspects. Clarityfiend (talk) 11:16, 24 November 2015 (UTC)


 * The behavior our OP describes is what 'normal' parents do. I suppose you could split parents into three hypothetical groups:


 * Those who wish their children will do better than they did.
 * Those who wish their children will do worse than they did.
 * Those who don't care.


 * Category (3) parents come with a bunch of names like 'deadbeat', category (2) must be very rare - and if we do have a name for them, it's going to be considered to be some kind of mental illness or something. It follows that we don't really have a special name for category (1) because those are considered to be the 'normal' parents - who are in the vast majority.  However, what we're looking for here are parents in category (1) who are relatively low achievers...but since the sky is the limit for great achievements, nearly everyone can find shortcomings in themselves that they'd like their children to overcome.  Even very high achievers strive to make this happen.
 * SteveBaker (talk) 13:34, 24 November 2015 (UTC)


 * Ah but what if I don't care if my kids do better or worse than me as long as they are happy at what they are doing? CambridgeBayWeather, Uqaqtuq (talk), Sunasuttuq 13:46, 24 November 2015 (UTC)
 * Then that is just a different definition of "better" MChesterMC (talk) 14:39, 24 November 2015 (UTC)

Let's say, as an example, a parent always wanted to be a doctor, but was unable to accomplish this goal. This parent decides to ensure their offspring ends up as a doctor in order to live out their failed accomplishment through their child even though the child is completely uninterested in healthcare. Is there no specific name/term more specified than 'vicariousness? Contrib raati (talk) 15:30, 24 November 2015 (UTC)
 * I don't think there's any single specific word for the parenting situation, though there are common phrases. This news article calls it "chasing lost dreams", but also uses "vicarious". "Living vicariously through [their] children" has lots of usage. See also perhaps Wish fulfillment.  SemanticMantis (talk) 16:20, 24 November 2015 (UTC)