Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 August 24

Harbert Hills Academy
This page is brand new and needs lots of work. Please help by reviewing it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harbert_Hills_Academy

Briananthis (talk) 01:25, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations on your new wiki page. I have another pending page, so I saw your listing, and have some notes on your new page. The first issue is you should change how you did your citations. Instead of listing a citation at the end like this: (2) http://www.harberthills.org/content/view/6/6/ You should list it in the text, wrapped by "ref" tags, like this: &lt;ref>http://www.harberthills.org/content/view/6/6/ Then, they will automatically list at the bottom. See more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citing_sources

SpicyNodes
New page about an information visualization tool. Authored by a team member on the project. Tried to be NPOV, and indicate notability.

Please let me know if there should be changes, or are problems. Thanks!

Wxidea (talk) 02:03, 24 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Bejinhan's comments Bejinhan   talks   13:41, 25 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Blogs and the subject's own website are not considered reliable sources. I have removed them.


 * There are still un-sourced sections and statements. For example:


 * SpicyNodes does not have any direct competitors because no other mass market services allow authors to create their own content, and allow users to browse from node to node. There are related products though. For authoring, there are a variety of mind mapping and concept mapping products. Typically these do not allow the end user to change focus from node to node. For display, there are analogous softwares for moving node to node, including Visual Theaurus from ThinkMap, TuneGlue, Lexipedia, and Prefuse Flare.


 * SpicyNodes display generates layouts are based on interconnected nodes, based on a radial tree layout, with additional optimizations, such as force-based repulsion between nodes so they do not overlap. The layout is adaptive, changing as the user clicks from node to node. This solves a common problem with radial trees, that outer orbits become too cluttered. Each node can contain formatted text, images, videos, links to other nodes, or links to web pages. There is a "focus" node, and users change focus from node to node.


 * GUI editor - provides a visual, hierarchical tree interface for entering node attributes. A few HTML and BBCode markup tags are available.


 * Please get those sourced with reliable sources.


 * Bejinhan, thank you for the review.  (a) competitors - reworked and retitled this section, removing "does not have any direct competitors because no other mass market services" as there is no secondary source providing competitive analysis. Instead, the revised text compares SpicyNodes with the typical objective of other projects. (b) "SpicyNodes display generates..." - added reference to peer reviewed journal. (c) html/bbcode - referenced page on SpicyNodes site.  I also added a link to a page on the file format.  Please let me know if there are any other problems.   Wxidea (talk) 15:23, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

User:HelenPorter/DSM GB LTD
Could you guys look at the above post and give me some pointers please

Cheers Helen HelenPorter (talk) 08:30, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

The article appears to need some work on addressing its substance. As it stands there is little evidence that the company is notable (see WP:ORG). Some suggestions:
 * Notability might be addressed by the "partnership" contracts listed. At the moment only links to partner companies are included. For notability to be clearly addressed these projects or contracts would need to show independent reliable sources (like the Financial Times or well known trade magazines) explaining how significant the deals were. It would seal the deal if there were case studies relating to newsworthy disaster recovery events (flooding, fire, major system outages) where DSM's services were key to recovery and DSM is (at least) mentioned. I note that Peterborough City Council refer to some major event in DSM's website testimonial, perhaps this was reported somewhere.
 * Perhaps the company is notable for something else? If so then some newspaper reports would be helpful. Personally I find no records of Advanced Computer Maintenance Ltd in Google News.

You should also turn the references into in-line citations so that their relationship to the text is clear. I shall add a note about how to do this on your user talk page. Thanks, Fæ (talk) 14:40, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Sirnotto/NOTAM
There is already an article about NOTAM on the Norwegian Wikipedia here: http://no.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norsk_nettverk_for_Teknologi,_Akustikk_og_Musikk

Please let me know if the article needs improvement.

Sirnotto (talk) 08:51, 24 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Bejinhan's comments Bejinhan   talks   12:18, 24 August 2010 (UTC)


 * The majority of the article is un-cited. An example would be:


 * Internationally, NOTAM's network consists of leading institutions within music technology, and they contribute to the network through developmental work, participation in international projects and conferences, and as the recipient of exchange students and guest artists. NOTAM's network in Norway consists of artists, academics, and organizations or institutions with technical or creative working fields. NOTAM serves as a resource center for composers, musicians, artists and developers of music and arts technology who require technical or artistic supervision in their projects.


 * Please get that and the other parts sourced with reliable sources.


 * Sirnotto's reply Sirnotto (talk) 08:51, 24 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks. Reliable and independent online sources are few and far between for this topic, but I've made an attempt. Please let me know if I'm on the right track.

User:OvoloHK/Enter your new article name here
Hi, I need to change my article name to Ovolo HK. Can somebody help me with this?

OvoloHK (talk) 09:04, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Nkrita/Galicia Jewish Museum
It would be great if anyone could check the wording before I move it into mainspace - I am not a native speaker. Also, I hope the references and the structure are solid enough. Thanks!

Nkrita (talk) 11:35, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

Looks ok. I tweaked the language a bit. Wxidea (talk) 12:06, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

Thank you! Nkrita (talk) 12:08, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Car-share10/Car-sharing_%28UK%29&oldid=380706739
This is a brand new page describing what car-sharing is within the United Kingdom. I wondered if I could get some feedback on any thoughts or improvements before posting online.

Thanks

Car-share10 (talk) 13:35, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Johncmorley/CamboFest, Cambodia Film Festival
Seeking feedback, tweaking and formatting of URLs, suggestions for photo placement, and, importantly, ways to handle first person testimony related to 'new history' that isn't yet published. Thanks, JCM

Johncmorley (talk) 15:29, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

There are several issues with your article:
 * 1) You'll need to remove the external links from the article body. They are only meant to be used in an "External links section", which is explained here.
 * 2) Your citations are currently just URLs. Please use citation templates to provide more thorough citations.
 * 3) The article needs to be wikified more thoroughly.
 * 4) The text itself is relatively good, although some parts (such as the first section) need citations.
 * 5) The YouTube links should most likely be removed (see El), or at the very least moved to an external links section.
 * 6) The two Blogger links are most likely not reliable, unless they are official.
 * 7) The current external links section contains links that should not be included there (again, see WP:External links).
 * 8) Be sure that it all fits the notability guidelines, with verifiable third party sources to prove it.

Furthermore, when you move the article to the namespace, I suggest moving it to CamboFest and not CamboFest, Cambodia Film Festival. Good luck! Sorry for the heavy critique here. — GorillaWarfare talk 07:22, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Onthelist/Peter Thomas DeMarco
Criticism request for biography on Peter DeMarco. A noted scientist featured in over 100 newspaper articles during the 1970s and 1980s that made an important scientific discovery.

Onthelist (talk) 16:24, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Most of those articles were in the New York Times or Philadelphia Inquirer in 1977-1980 discussing charges by New Jersey and Pennsylvania regulators that he had been using unapproved, adulterated drugs and that he caused nine patients to get hepatitis. Loss of license to practice ensued, but he kept selling it in 1985 in even contravention of a March 1983 court order. He might be notable, but the article is far too accepting of his claims. LeadSongDog come howl!  20:06, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Rhodesfs/TaxSlayer.com
Please provide feedback.

Rhodesfs (talk) 17:18, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Renata Bernal
I have two very specific questions on how to cite particular sources, and whether the sources are appropriate for citation. I have put them as topics in the Talk page for the main article.

GregTStevens (talk) 17:47, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

User:ArithaCawthorn/Achille Simonetti
I'm just wondering whether this is alright for an article, or if it should be classified as a stub. More information on him can only be found through his letters, which seem to be in the hand of either private collectors or the Univeristy of Glasgow. Help?

ArithaCawthorn (talk) 19:42, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Good article - consider adding an infobox if you can. As to the article's status, I think it's a bit bigger than a stub (you've got more than one section, for a start), so I think it's about the size considered to be an article. Well done for what you've done so far; I think it just needs a bit of tweaking to make it a decent article. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 08:03, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

Chromat
Hello! Just went live with this page about an American fashion design company- what do you all think? Thanks so much! Southburlington (talk) 20:05, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I remember reviewing it the first time, and it seems to have been much improved. Well done! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 07:58, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

Richard Henshall
I just wanted my article to be reviewed.

Andy (talk) 20:23, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm very sorry if no one got to you the first time round - there is a massive backlog of requests on this page and we could do with some help, but never mind :-)


 * As to the article, I think it is very good; I made a few minor corrections, but other than that, and maybe try and add some more references if you can, I think it's fine. Well done! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 07:54, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

V.Anamika
Article under construction. Please review.

Vvranup (talk) 20:48, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Try and use inline citations to display your references correctly, and add some names to your references and external links, like this:

If you need help with any of this, please send me a message. Also, try and add some links to other articles by placing  around a word; for example Apple creates a link to the Apple article. Hope this is useful! Chevy monte  carlo  - alt 07:46, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

Sharon High School
Hi,

I am a former student of this school. I got this information directly and personally from the principal. Kindly approve this content. Thank you.

Johnmangam (talk) 20:49, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Instead of using sections for each bit of information (like 'date founded' and all that) you can use an infobox instead. Also, I don't think the school song needs to be included, as it makes the article just sound like an advertisement for the school. Finally, try and add more links to other Wikipedia articles if you can. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 07:42, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Cheitz27/Audimated
This article provides a summary of the website audimated.com. The two recommendations from the last feedback on August 16 have been added (infobox and categories).

Cheitz27 (talk) 21:07, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * The format of references in footnotes is not ideal, see Referencing for beginners with citation templates, however I only see minor quibbles and the article looks ready for issue. I'll move it to mainspace for you now, please continue to think about how to improve it and which other articles might benefit from linking to it. Don't be upset if it gets the odd notice for improvement slapped on the top, you can always discuss these on the article talk page. Thanks, Fæ (talk) 09:01, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

Parker Enterprises
How do I add a picture and how is the article overall? What else should be added?

Darshae (talk) 22:32, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I made a few improvements; but as to adding a picture I'm afraid you'll have to ask on our live help chat, as images are certainly not my strong point. Sorry. As to the article, I think there are certainly some tone problems - at the moment it sounds like an advertisement, so please try and make it more neutral in tone. Listing things like the leadership team and the mission shouldn't really be done, as there is simply no need or purpose other than to just advertise the company. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 07:38, 27 August 2010 (UTC)

Somali Youth League
GUaKaMaLi (talk) 23:49, 24 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Good article, but you need more references for the opening section and the first few paragraphs of the second section. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 07:33, 27 August 2010 (UTC)