Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 August 4

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TLC_Books
DesDemon (talk) 07:03, 4 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faculty_of_Medieval_and_Modern_Languages,_University_of_Oxford
Hello - I'd like this article to be reviewed please and would welcome tips on general clean-up and links, as I am new to wikipedia editing.

J.Lepeltier (talk) 09:29, 4 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Saltmeister1/Legal cashier
I have drafted a page for the term "Legal Cashier" and I wanted to be open & clear from the start about any potential personal interest in this subject. Under the qualifications sub-heading, I have referenced an article that relates to an employer based training scheme developed in association with my company, but I have attempted to be as impartial as possible. Any advice on this much appreciated.

Richard Salt (talk) 12:10, 4 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Hey there. I've made some changes to the article. Firstly, I've reformatted the headers, which should be Level 2 rather than Level 4, per WP:MOSHEAD. I think that, as there are four references, there need not be two columns for the references. I've removed the disambi notice at the top of the page, since there isn't likely going to be confusion between a Legal cashier and a cashier.


 * The major problem, however, is that the whole article appears to be aimed at experts. Whilst you may have a detailed understanding of all the terminology in the article, most readers will not. Take the classic school example of imagining that the reader is an alien who has landed here, and doesn't have a clue as to what any of the advanced terminology means, and try to explain the article for the average reader.


 * If you have any further questions about this review, or need assistance with the article, please don't hesitate to contact me at my talk page. Regards,  WackyWace  converse 13:26, 5 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kitese/Call_Federal_Credit_Union
I'm very new to this and had a little trouble with formatting. I think I provided enough references, though. Thanks for your time and feedback!

Kitese (talk) 12:13, 4 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AsburyFirst/Asbury_First_United_Methodist_Church
A page about Asbury First United Methodist Church, the largest United Methodist Church in Rochester, New York and a site on the East Avenue Historic District.

AsburyFirst (talk) 13:49, 4 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Not bad.
 * Entries in the NRHP are deemed notable, so you don't have to add references to support notability, but it would be nice if you had other references in reliable sources.
 * I moved an almost bare link to the external links section.
 * I removed the unreviewed template
 * Please consider changing your user name for future editing to avoid the appearance of WP:COI -- SPhilbrick  T  15:42, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dualveewheel/vgrooveguidewheels
Here is a summary of DualVee Guide Wheels. These 90 degree v groove bearings were invented in 1968 by Bud Wisecarver as a linear motion solution for a machine operating in a debris-laden environment. The article is up for editing and suggestions. I appreciate your time and effort very much as I am still learning how to create pages.

Dualveewheel 16:47, 4 August 2010 (UTC)
 * You should read WP:USERNAME. While it is common (and understandable) to select a username related to the subject you would like to write about, it is often a violation of policy, and I believe that's true in your case. Given how few edits you have, it would probably be best just to start a new account. I think you should address the user name issue before discussing the article you've started.-- SPhilbrick  T  01:35, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Briandewitt/RightsFlow
A page about the Righstflow music rights licensing company. I think they're notable since they handle all of the licensing and accounting for Zynga, Muzak, Rhapsody and many other physical and online companies. I would like feedback/suggestion on what I have so far. Thanks in advance. :)

Briandewitt (talk) 17:02, 4 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pier_Park_(Mall)
This page is adding information about Pier Park, A Strip Mall in Panama City Beach.

Darcyjr (talk) 17:51, 4 August 2010 (UTC)
 * It looks to me like pure advertising. There are no references to reliable sources demonstrating the Notability of this location. I've nominated it for deletion.-- SPhilbrick  T  01:20, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SnapStream_Media
Hello Wikipedians, I have received some constructive and positive feedback in my user space. So now, I am seeking a final review on this article about SnapStream Media. Thanks!

RachEich (talk) 18:08, 4 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Light_of_Death_%28PS3%29
Could you review this article that I made?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Light_of_Death_%28PS3%29

Napeyga (talk) 18:50, 4 August 2010 (UTC)
 * The tags on the article really tell the story - you need to establish Notability with references to reliable sources. Check out Referencing for beginners if you need help.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:54, 7 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_Cohort_Study%28US%29
The Millennium Cohort Study (US) is based at the Naval Health Research Center in San Diego. It is modeled after the Framingham Study (which has taught us most of what we know about heart disease), except the focus is on military related deployment health. It is the largest study of its kind in the world, and the study has published almost two dozen articles in peer reviewed journals.

159.71.254.248 (talk) 19:11, 4 August 2010 (UTC)
 * The writing is very good, and it seems likely to be notable. I confess I haven't seen, (prior to this example) an article where the only references are to academic sources, rather than more general sources. That isn't a problem, but you might include references such as this.


 * While you do have some references, they are simply listed as a bibliography, rather than footnotes to references supporting material assertions in the article.


 * Please check out Referencing for beginners, and if you want more, see footnotes and WP:CITE.


 * If you can express the references in the proper way, I'd be happy to remove the unreviewed template.


 * If the links I provided aren't clear, please let me know and I'll be happy to help.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:49, 7 August 2010 (UTC)

Elizabeth Baldwin Letchworth
This is my first submission and welcome requests and edits.

Katherine United (talk) 20:47, 4 August 2010 (UTC)
 * At a minimum, you need paragraphs. They are easy to add, you don't even need wiki code - just hit the enter key twice.
 * You've included a few links, but none are in an acceptable format, please see Referencing for beginners
 * Most importantly, you need to establish the Notability of this person, by including multiple reliable sources discussing her.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:23, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SnapStream_Server
Hello Wikipedians, I am submitting for feedback on this article which links to the parent company article "SnapStream Media" (which also needs finalized feedback) and related article Beyond TV. From my user space, I got some great feedback. Looking to perfect it now! Thanks in advance!

RachEich (talk) 21:54, 4 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:4L14S/Consumer_Culture_Theory_(CCT)
Request for feedback before posting this article to Wikipedia. Thanks to all the reviewers in advances. Every comment will be taken into consideration. Yours,

4L14S (talk) 00:06, 5 August 2010 (UTC)
 * You've identified a number of references, the usual shortcoming of new editors, but you've formatted them as if this were a print publication. The references in Wikipedia follow a particular structure. It isn't hard to use, but it is different than what you used.
 * Check out Referencing for beginners for starters.
 * I converted the second Kozinets citation as a model.
 * I'm surprised that a basic intro to CCT wouldn't mention the book by Belk, Consumer culture theory
 * Your section titled "notable researchers" should only include those researchers who have a page of their own at Wikipedia. I checked a couple at random, and did not find any, although there may be some.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:14, 8 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Points taken. Belk's Consumer Culture Theory isn't a book per say but more a collection of essay in which he's the editor. Thanks! 4L14S (talk)