Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 August 6

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GivesMeHope
Hey Guys, I just made my first article and was looking for someone to give me feedback/review it. Thanks so much!

Juliette87 (talk) 00:18, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Not too bad...but I'm not happy about some of the references; it relies a lot on "givesmehope.com" which is a primary source and doesn't confirm notability, and it uses 'facebook' and other non-reliable sources.


 * "GivesMeHope has inspired movements of hope across the country" is not neutral.


 * Same for "encouraging messages in public places for other women to find and be inspired by" - referenced to a blog.


 * The "LoveGivesMeHope" section, specifically, should be removed if there are no published sources to show that it really is notable; as it is just referenced to itself, it appears promotional.


 * Stick to facts from independent reliable sources with a reputation for fact-checking, and that way the neutrality should come naturally.  Chzz  ► 06:20, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Bdfrag/Rediscover_the_Joy_of_Learning
I am writing my first article and would appreciate any feedback I can get. Thank you!

Bdfrag (talk) 01:06, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * You need to show why this book is notable - see WP:VRS and Notability (books). Articles that do not show at least basic notability are deleted.


 * It must be neutral - stick to facts that have been published in some reliable sources, such as newspapers/magazines.  Chzz  ► 06:28, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Schachtner
Just made my first article and am looking for feedback.

Dgbail09 (talk) 01:29, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * ✅ I made some changes by creating a level-2 'Career' header and making the headers of 'High School career' and 'Collegiate career' level-3. Additionally, I removed POV such as the phrase "tremendous basketball player". Some parts are unreferenced. Can you find reliable sources for them? Parts such as... :-


 * In Schachtner's freshman season, he was named to the Horizon League's All-Newcomer Team and led the entire conference in free throw shooting percentage by making nearly 87% of his shots from the stripe.


 * While in his sophomore season at UW — Green Bay, he was an ESPN The Magazine/CoSIDA Third-Team Academic All-America selection. He was also the only sophomore to be honored with a Horizon League's Second-Team All-Conference selection. He averaged 14.9 points per game in his sophomore season and ranked sixth nationally in free throw percentage by making over 91% of his free throw attempts.


 * As a junior, Michael was awarded Second-Team Academic All-America honors and was again named a Second-Team All-Horizon League. He scored 15.8 points per game and shot an astounding 90.4% from the free throw line.  In a game against Valpo, Schachtner scored 34 points and was a perfect 7 for 7 from three point range.


 * ... needs to be sourced. You will also need to use his last name, instead of Michael. Per our manual of style only the first letter of the first word in the heading need to be capitalized(other than the proper nouns). Double spaces at the end of the sentences is not needed. Bejinhan   talks   04:29, 6 August 2010 (UTC)

Sugarpills
Some feedback would be good on this.

jaydend ( talk ) 10:07, 6 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Excellent article; I can't really suggest anything. Well done! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 06:15, 8 August 2010 (UTC)


 * It does not seem to show the notability for the album - the references are all about singles. As it is a "forthcoming debut album", I doubt it is possible to show that it is notable, yet...per WP:NSONG. See also WP:CRYSTAL. It would have been better to wait until it was released and had received coverage. See WP:VRS.  Chzz  ► 07:01, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:MMXSthlm/Avista_Time
Dear Editor,

Pls review this article about Avista Time. Intentions are to highligt it´s background and inventions.

79.153.217.79 (talk) 12:09, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * This has no references at all, and they are essential; see WP:VRS and WP:FIRST.


 * If you have a conflict of interest, please read the business FAQ.  Chzz  ► 07:03, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

Pedra do Sal
This is my first article for Wikipedia, translated from the Portuguese entry, which itself needs work.

Ministersw (talk) 13:41, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Verifiability is a core policy on Wikipedia. Wikipedia itself (any language) is not a reliable source. Articles must have references to reliable sources. See WP:VRS, WP:GNG, WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 07:04, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mpedone/Penn_Yan_Boat_Company
The Penn Yan Boat Company, which is now defunct, made classic boats that are now prized by collectors.

Mpedone (talk) 13:43, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * It does not, currently, establish the notability. One entry in a magazine, plus some listings of a patent is not enough for "significant coverage". See WP:VRS, WP:GNG.  Chzz  ► 07:07, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fly_Web_Host
You can see about the company details on site tsn.ucoz.com. Please give me feedback about my article.

Vivim (talk) 14:20, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * This page has already been speedy-deleted A7 because it lacked references, per WP:GNG.  Chzz  ► 07:08, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Mcmatter/Barb Higgins
Looking for some outside feedback before we move this article to the namespace, so the question is "Does this article meet the notability requirements of Wikipedia?" Thanks for your time!!

- Mcmatter (talk|contrib) 16:05, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Duplicated feedback request; see 8 Aug.  Chzz  ► 07:10, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GivesMeHope
Dear Editor: I created this article yesterday, and I'm looking for someone to review it and give general feedback. Thanks so much :)

Juliette87 (talk) 17:41, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Duplicated request; see earlier on this days page.  Chzz  ► 07:11, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sbyers1234/Medium_(Hip_Hop_Artist)
This is my first time using HTML for anything other than making my myspace page look awesome.. and that was years ago, so please be gentle!

I'm trying to make this page for an up and coming hip hop artist in my area who was featured on the news last night. I listened to his songs and think he's going to hit it big! Not that that's really the point. I think I've maintained an impartial view in the article.. I'm just hoping it's good enough to be published!

Thanks in advance for any help or insight you can offer!

Sbyers1234 (talk) 18:29, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * You need to add more references to reliable sources (such as newspapers), to show why this person is notable, see WP:NMUSIC.  Chzz  ► 07:12, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hopkins_Consulting_Agency
Would like initial feedback on Company Website. Reputable links have been included in References.

Arsenicx101 (talk) 18:54, 6 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I would say try and add more reliable references to the article, as some sections are a bit lacking in places. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 06:18, 8 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Definitely; e.g. "History" only the first sentence is referenced; the remainder looks unverifiable and promotional, not a neutral point-of-view.


 * " Services" is unreferenced and probably unencyclopaedic information, as I doubt it has been independently published/discussed. "Notable Clients" is a matter of opinion, and should be removed. "Past Enterprise Managers" with no article should be removed as non-public figures.


 * All but one ref is to jhu itself. You need multiple, independent reliable sources, such as severl published newspaper articles, about the company - to show why it is notable - see WP:VRS.  Chzz  ► 07:17, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Lemley
I've created a page for tv and film producer Jim Lemley. I have thoroughly outlined his career, early life, filmography, etc.

Can someone please review it so the "new unreviewed" box goes away?

How do I get feedback faster?

I HAVE MADE REVISIONS PER THE FEEDBACK GIVEN TO ME, INCLUDING ADDING INLINE CITATIONS, REMOVING THE IMDB REFERENCE AND FIXING THE FANDANGO LINK.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS IS APPROVED AND CAN GO LIVE.

BrookieFisher (talk) 21:57, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Please add inline citations, so that we can see which reliable sources reference which facts. Note that IMDB is not a reliable sourrce.


 * This link] to 'fandango' does not work.


 * It needs to be verifiable. Say where you got it.  Chzz  ► 07:22, 8 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fariborz_Maseeh
I am working on formatting this article to conform with the wiki standards. Any suggestions/edits would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Kfmwork (talk) 22:53, 6 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Quite simply, stick to neutral, factual information that is supported by independent reliable sources. Any non-verifiable information should be removed.


 * You need to use more than one source.


 * Phrases such as Maseeh actively looks for unique philanthropic venues with large public benefits are not neutral.  Chzz  ► 07:24, 8 August 2010 (UTC)