Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 December 1

User:Montana84/Paige_Williams
This article is about a rising documentary film-maker, Paige Williams. She has been involved in several documentary film productions and has recently been working with the Sundance Film company with a television series for one of her films. Montana84 (talk) 05:59, 1 December 2010 (UTC)

Uterine_serpin
This is my first Wikipedia entry and I would appreciate any advice offered. Thanks. Ufpete (talk) 10:54, 1 December 2010 (UTC)


 * It looks like you've found a partner in, and that the article is looking pretty good. Congratulations.
 * By the way, if you haven't found WP:MCB, the WP:WikiProject is a good place to get help and meet other editors who are working on similar topics. WhatamIdoing (talk) 01:06, 4 December 2010 (UTC)

Webcron
This article I've written on webcron needs reviewing. A webcron solution enables users to schedule jobs to run within a web server environment on a web host that does not offer a shell account or other means of scheduling jobs.

Whammyhammer (talk) 15:30, 1 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Dalecorey/draft_Howard_M._Guttman
I created an article last month, and immediately a number of issues appeared. Two Wikipedia reviewers, Magog the Ogre and SPhilbrick, gave me advice on improving the article. I followed their suggestions, and rewrote the article substantially. Most recently, I explained to SPhilbrick all the changes that I had made on the discussion page attached to the draft. I would welcome suggestions and help from anyone else who can tell me what else I might need to do to have Wikipedia remove the notifications about the issues. Thank you all very much.

Dalecorey (talk) 16:23, 1 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately, despite improvement, the article still needs a lot of work. I generally agree with the tags on the article. It reads like a PR piece, a blurb intended for a speaker's bureau, not a neutral encyclopedic article.


 * I realize you used the term "thought leader" because he appears in a list of thought leaders, but it doesn't work that way. We wouldn't refer to a musician as a superstar, just because some periodical somewhere listed the person a as a superstar.


 * Terms such as "results oriented" are PR speak, not encyclopedic.


 * Wikipedia has weak coverage of individuals in business, so I don't have a lot of good models in the business world to show you, but check out some bios in the Good articles list to get a better sense of structure of a good bio.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:22, 5 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Kmcnulty01/HealthEquity,_Inc.
Looking for general feedback on this article.

Kmcnulty01 (talk) 16:29, 1 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Kmcnulty01/The_Complete_HSA_Guidebook
Looking for feedback on this article. I'm new to wiki.

Kmcnulty01 (talk) 16:31, 1 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Nwnittany/IPFabrics
Greetings,

I'd like feedback on an article that I'd like to submit. My primary concern is that I have a certain conflict of interest. I've tried to make the article factual and non-biased, but would like other opinions on this.

I've had the articled reviewed by others and have been strongly urged to publish the article because of the increased interest in electronic surveillance of the Internet and the legislation surrounding this. Nwnittany (talk) 19:20, 1 December 2010 (UTC)

User:AmasAli/BSIB
Hi, we are 2 college students writing an article for our English class. This is our first attempt at a Wiki article. We are looking for feedback as soon as possible since our deadline is Dec. 7th.

Any help is greatly appreciated!

AmasAli (talk) 21:12, 1 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Welcome to Wikipedia.
 * First, we have the matter of there being two of you: You should each have your own account.  Shared accounts aren't permitted.  Fortunately, accounts are free, so I suggest that one of you stick with this account, and the other start a new one.
 * Second, we have the challenge of finding good sources for your article. The biggest problem is that you are mostly writing about the school from sources written by the school itself.  You need to find WP:Independent sources by a third party.  More than 50% of the article should be based on what people outside the school say about the school.
 * Third, we have the question of what we call WP:SYNTHesis, which is taking sources that have nothing to do with the school, but presenting them as if they did—for example, taking a source about international business work, and presenting it as if it had something to do with the specific school in question. This is a fine line:  you need to provide context ("why anybody cares about this school"), but I think you have gone a little too far.  Also, making international business studies sound grand and important has the effect of making your article sound like an advertisement or marketing brochure rather than an encyclopedia entry.
 * I have cleaned up some formatting problems. Please supply a photo caption where I've indicated the need for one.  After you have dealt with the more significant problems of sourcing, you might like to dress up the article by putting infobox university at the top of the page.
 * Good luck to you, WhatamIdoing (talk) 02:06, 4 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Demick514/Moose_Knuckles
Hi, im presenting a clothing company known as Moose Knuckles, it is similar to Canada Goose jackets. I put afew references and external links, im going to update it as i go, please tell me what i need to work on.. Thanks alot

Demick514 (talk) 22:11, 1 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Four things:
 * Spam: Links to online stores won't be accepted by WP:External links guideline.  I've removed them for you.
 * Copyright issues: I am concerned that File:Will_Poho.jpg may have been inappropriately tagged as unrestricted.  Newspapers almost never agree to that.  If it's true, then you need to get the photographer or an editor from the newspaper to send a note to WP:OTRS to confirm that.
 * Sources: Your newspaper sources are good, but a couple more WP:Independent sources would be helpful in case someone challenges the WP:Notability of this WP:CORPoration.  I've tagged the three that "don't count" for this purpose because they're self-published/press releases.  (You can remove those tags, but I didn't want you to wonder which sources were the three I was talking about.)
 * To stave off what we call WP:Linkrot, please provide full bibliographic citations for your sources, particularly the media articles. Most people just type out the name, date, title, etc., by hand, but if you're a programming oriented person, you might like the fill-in-the-blank style of the citation templates.  If you want to try it out, copy the list from Cite news and try it out on one of the newspaper sources.
 * Good luck! WhatamIdoing (talk) 02:23, 4 December 2010 (UTC)

Hi WhatamIdoing im trying to understand this MyTalk page, so i hope this message gets through to you
 * I removed the picture of Will Poho, thanks for the advice, along with removing the online store source, but as this is a new company, there isn't any sites that explain the type of clothing other then online stores, so basically i don't have much source to back up the main information...
 * as for the 2 PDF sources, i don't understand how those are not acceptable
 * and i fixed up 2 sources using the citation templates

thanks for all your help Demick514 (talk) 01:29, 5 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Hi Demick,
 * Good job on the reference formatting.
 * We use sources for two things on the English Wikipedia:
 * To show that the business is important enough to get a separate article dedicated to it.
 * To verify the information (to prove that we're not making things up).
 * A press release like these pdf's is okay for purpose #2, but useless for purpose #1. After all, if a business could send out a press release every day of the week, but me sending out a notice about myself doesn't prove that anyone is paying attention to me.
 * So you are permitted to use these sources for purpose #2 (and that seems to be what you're doing here), but if someone challenges the business's WP:Notability—that's the Wikipedia jargon for "important enough to get a separate article", and a challenge could involve a discussion at WP:Articles for deletion—then the press releases won't help you prove that Moose Knuckles has received enough attention from WP:Independent sources to deserve an article.
 * Consequently, if more newspaper-type sources happen exist (or if you get more press coverage in the future), then I hope you will add them. (Adding more press-release-type sources wouldn't help if someone challenges the business' notability, even if there were dozens of them.)
 * I think you've got enough independent sources as it is... but it's always a little unpredictable, so more is almost always better.
 * By the way, if you like the citation templates, you can use cite press release to organize the information about those two pdfs, and cite web for websites. Otherwise, you can just type out the name, date, etc. by hand.
 * The article looks quite nice. I think you're ready to WP:MOVE this into the regular article space.  WhatamIdoing (talk) 06:57, 5 December 2010 (UTC)

Hey again WhatamIdoing im currentlly having a problem... its mentioned at the top of the page the following message 'This article is an orphan, as few or no other articles link to it. Please introduce links to this page from related articles; suggestions may be available. (December 2010)" i have numerous other articles linked to it, so i dont understand why it is mentioning it along with im having a problem with where one of my pictures are placed... the picture name "Moose Knuckles Crest" is causing there to be a huge space in the middle of the article, i hope you undestand what im talking about and could probaly help me out thanksDemick514 (talk) 23:42, 7 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Megan60613/WTAS
This is my very first article. Can I please get some constructive criticism? Thank you.

Megan60613 (talk) 23:17, 1 December 2010 (UTC)


 * Hi Megan,
 * Congratulations on writing your very first article. Here are the problems I see:
 * You have far too few WP:Independent sources—actually, you appear to have named no sources that are completely independent of the company. This makes me worry that WTAS may not meet the standard at WP:CORP for having a separate, stand-alone article dedicated to the company.
 * You have WP:COPYVIO problems with some of your sources. You must write in your own words; you must never copy sentences off of websites.
 * There's too much "advertising" or promotional information. For example, the lists of office locations, types of clients, and services are inappropriate.  (You wouldn't expect to see such lists in Encyclopedia Brittanica, would you?)  So those need to be removed or dramatically re-worked.
 * Please see what you can do to fix these problems. Good luck!  WhatamIdoing (talk) 01:45, 4 December 2010 (UTC)

Patent Information Users Group (PIUG)
I have been working with BWilkins, TFOWR, and others on the draft of the Patent Information Users Group (PIUG) topic. We are looking for final ideas to bring it up to speed for moving to articlespace. BWilkins suggested that I post a "helpme" request on my UserTalk page, but Morgan Kevin J  said I should ask here. Thank you in advance for your input. Tomwolff52 (talk) 23:26, 1 December 2010 (UTC)

List of ISO Technical Committees
This is a useful list of ISO Technical Committees; analogous to the List of IEC Technical Committees already available.

Rottenrow (talk) 01:38, 2 December 2010 (UTC)

ISO/TC 176
An addition to the other ISO technical Committees already available; this one is responsible for quality management and quality assurance (the ISO 9000 family of standards).

Rottenrow (talk) 01:42, 2 December 2010 (UTC)

User:ESMcL/Motive_Interactive
I am looking for feedback or additional references and categories on this article. This company has strived to offer quality online business standards for advertisers, affiliates and general consumers of online internet sales or transactions. They are firmly committed to providing internet security with the best practices possible for all marketing actives they deal with. The internet will continue to grow. Control’s and monitoring is an ever increasing issue which requires such companies to interact for the good of the general public. If anyone has more information on this subject or would like to offer an editing suggestion, please leave a message here or on the talk page of the article. Thank You--ESMcL 02:39, 3 December 2010 (UTC)

ESMcL (talk) 03:45, 2 December 2010 (UTC)

Wat_Ong_Teu_Mahawihan
I would like to request some feedback for my article.

GreenSpade (talk) 04:27, 2 December 2010 (UTC)

Historic_Fairfax_County_Courthouse
Would appreciate some feedback on one of my first articles.

Aurbanski (talk) 06:46, 2 December 2010 (UTC)


 * It looks pretty good, and you've got a couple of good sources named. If the books have ISBNs, please consider adding them to the citations.  (Just type ISBN 1234567890 at the end.)
 * You need to find some appropriate categories to help readers find the article. I've left the "Article Wizard" category in place as an example of where and how to type them, but you should remove it and replace it with the category or categories that are appropriate for its subject.
 * Also, you may want to look at ways to build the web between this article and others. WhatamIdoing (talk) 01:31, 4 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Dmargolius/Email Banking
I have reworked the opnening section per the last round of feedback comments. Is it ready now for posting?

Dmargolius (talk) 11:56, 2 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Nickpierre/Team_EY
Brief Summary: An article about a prominent youth group in the City of Toronto, who promote skateboarding and build skateboarding parks. Many sources are cited in the article.

Nickpierre (talk) 21:10, 2 December 2010 (UTC)


 * You've got a good start, and you have several good sources. My first concern is whether the group has received any notice from sources outside of its hometown.  This is generally required for WP:ORGanizations. I think you're ready to WP:MOVE it into the main namespace.
 * Beyond that, you might like to read Writing better articles for general advice, and see whether there are ways to build the web to link between this article and others. WhatamIdoing (talk) 01:22, 4 December 2010 (UTC)