Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 July 12

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Eightyk/Intelledox_Pty_Ltd&oldid=373004976
Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Eightyk (talk) 02:12, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Consider replacing the table you have at the moment with an infobox such as Template:Infobox company, as this is the more encouraged method to do this on Wikipedia. I have also made some improvements to the sections to make the appear correctly. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 12:03, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bridegroom_%28short_story_collection%29
I would welcome advice and instruction on how to make this page better. I'm not going to write summaries for all twelve stories, though. Thanks.

Dansato (talk) 05:35, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Please consider adding additional references to the article, if you can. Also a bit more information would be nice; maybe a general overview or something like that. Chevy  monte  carlo  16:03, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ascott_Limited
Please help to review this article. Thanks!

Farah3396 (talk) 09:14, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Try and make the article's tone and language style more neutral. At the moment, it sounds a bit like an advertisement for the company or organisation. For more information, please see WP:TONE. Other than that, I think the article is almost perfect. Well done :) Chevy  monte  carlo  16:05, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Barend_Potgieter/Positive_Heroes
Hi! I would very much appreciate it if someone more experienced could review this article. It's about Positive Heroes, an NGO that promotes healthy living for HIV infected individuals.

I feel that it's complete, but as a first time contributor I'm having trouble understanding how to get the page approved?

Thank You :)

Barend Potgieter (talk) 13:45, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure what you mean by 'approved'. Once you think your article is good enough you can move the article to the equivalent part of the main space, such as Positive Heroes. I think the article is pretty much completed. You've got references, external links, and links to other WP articles. I would say please try and find more references from other sites other than the official site though, as the best place to go for references are sites and books/magazines that are independent of the article's subject. Thanks. Chevy  monte  carlo  16:08, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

Thank you

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Campaign_for_Youth_Justice
Can I have some feedback on the article? Thanks!

65.105.114.226 (talk) 13:48, 12 July 2010 (UTC) Good article! Well-written, well-referenced; nice job. :) I might suggest you add some categories as a finishing touch, but other than that I think you've done a good job. Piano  tech  20:56, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Take care with the article's language and tone though; it sounds a bit like an advertisement in places. Chevy  monte  carlo  16:10, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Market_Development/Bellin_run
I would love some constructive criticism of my article. please no deletions, but suggestions on how I can improve it.

Market Development (talk) 14:00, 12 July 2010 (UTC) Very nice work on the well-written and well-referenced article. :) Some article categories would be a nice polisher, but other than that, nice work! Piano  tech  20:59, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I would say remove the bold formatting on the different sections, and also I think there's a bit too much information in places. Try and merge a few paragraphs into one, if you can. Chevy  monte  carlo  16:13, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phillip_Ewing
My first Wikipedia entry. Looking for feedback. Thank you.

KTrabor (talk) 15:10, 12 July 2010 (UTC) Not a bad article, though I'm not yet convinced of his notability. I would suggest a few more references like the NPR reference you listed. See WP:Reliable references for referencing guidelines and WP:GNG for Wikipedia's general notability guidelines. Hope that helps! :) Piano  tech  21:06, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Counsel_On_Call
Have edited this entry to take out promotional content that is not supported by a reference. I look forward to further feedback and thank you.

Chadschmidt4 (talk) 15:30, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Balkam
This is a new article and any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Famonline (talk) 15:46, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Good work. Consider adding categories to the article and maybe moving the picture at the bottom further up the article. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:24, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Fried
This page has been up for two months without removal of the "new, unedited article" header. This is my official request for feedback; I was previously told that it too closely resembles a page on Stephen Fried's personal website...I have since contacted him and he was more than willing to go through the copyright process so that any overlaps can be permitted.

67.175.241.241 (talk) 16:14, 12 July 2010 (UTC)


 * Took a look; did a first swing at it. Remember: chronological order, earliest to newest - this is an encyclopedia article, not a resume. What's his date of birth? That kind of data is always useful. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  19:09, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_Environmental_Finance_Authority
38.99.195.50 (talk) 16:25, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

Terminal punctuation.
Someone please remove the "new unreviewed article" tag from Terminal punctuation. It's adequately sourced, and notable but the tag still remains two months after I created the article.

Airborne84 (talk) 16:28, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Hi Airborne, I've removed the tag. Nice work! katherine_a (talk) 17:55, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Excellent article. The infobox is particularly good. Chevy  monte  carlo  16:14, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ragged_Island_%28Harpswell,_Maine%29
Madebebe (talk) 17:48, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AshNoel/LLS_Taste_of_the_World
Hi there! Looking for feedback on my first entry. Seeking to inform the world at large of this event w/o being promotional. Not sure how to add section headings, such as "about" or "attendance." thanks!

AshNoel (talk) 17:58, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, to add section headers, just do this:

About
and it should create a new section.

Try and add some links to the article as well, you can do this like this: trees Which creates trees.


 * Non-notable subject matter, would be deleted immediately. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  19:10, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

Thanks :) Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:59, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kylegilbert/Faith_Promise_Church
Would like to get some feedback and make this page public. This is my first article. Thanks!

Kylegilbert (talk) 18:22, 12 July 2010 (UTC)

Looking at the references and the external links, and at your username, I see that you're apparently closely connected with the subject of the article. I'd strongly suggest you have a very careful read of the conflict of interest guidelines, if you haven't already done so. Also, consider requesting that an independent editor create the article. Having said that, I think you've done a good job of remaining neutral and presenting the facts. Establishing notability might be a problem though, given that most of the sources are self-published. Has the church received any other coverage in reliable, independent sources? katherine_a (talk) 19:15, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambashi
Please review. There will be a link in the Industry analyst main page to this page as well.

Boxhodgmans (talk) 19:09, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Nice work; you've got the basic information up on there but there are a few issues:
 * Firstly, I think the infobox isn't the best. I think it's best to go with a preset template, such as Template:Infobox company, instead, but that's just my personal preference.
 * Secondly, timelines aren't really encouraged on Wikipedia. Please try and merge the information on the timeline into a paragraph or two instead.
 * As with nearly all articles, keep working to find and add reliable references and external links to the article, if you can.
 * Thanks, and I hope all of this is helpful. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:56, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

User:Francesco Malipiero/mysandbox/Hamburg Concerto
This is my first attempt at creating an article. I have chosen a subject from the requested articles list. I would very much appreciate feedback from more experienced editors. Thanks beforehand.

Francesco Malipiero (talk) 21:30, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Please consider adding an infobox to the article, so you can summarise the key information about the article's subject. I'm glad you took a look at the requested articles, though, well done for that. The article's less likely to get deleted as a result of this. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:49, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

You could consider adding an External Links section for more information and to assist with notability. I found an interesting link at the Academy of Music Hanns Eisler Berlin for Marie-Luise Neunecke (the dedication-subject) here: http://www.hfm-berlin.de/en/Marie_Luise_Neunecker.html. Also some additional sentences/sources on why the composer (and therefore his works) are important would help show the reader why this work is therefore also important/notable.Shearonink (talk) 17:42, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

Telemet America, Inc.
Retriever1 (talk) 22:08, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Hi, this seems to be a dead link. If you could please fix it so I can find the article to review it would be great, thank you. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:45, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

Chevy, I found the article here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telemet_America,_Inc. The links are almost identical but the original link was == http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telemet_America,_Inc. == which somehow ended up with a misplaced/missing period (at the end of "Inc"). In the header above I have replaced the previous/invalid URL with a valid WIki-link. Shearonink (talk) 15:22, 14 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Doinggooddaily/Dan_Ivankovich
Please tell me if this article is close to being publishable. I have gone over the text and links, and I think they're good. Also, I put three images in the article, but I don't know how to place them where I want them, or the make the text wrap around them. HELP!!

Doinggooddaily (talk) 22:18, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * You might want to add an infobox to the article, such as Template:Infobox person. An image can also be embedded into the infobox so you could move one of the images there. Also consider dividing up the opening paragraph further into sections, as it's a bit long. For a good opening section I would say a maximum of thirty lines, and the rest can go in sections further on in the article. I've added a little example to one of the photos to show you how to add a caption, and you can also control wheere you want the photo to appear. For more information please see this part of the Wikipedia image help page. Hope this is useful, and if you have any questions please send me a message at my main account here. Thank you :) Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:42, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tvanpeursem/Secure_Banking_Solutions
This is an article for Secure Banking Solutions, a company closely connected to Dakota State University that markets to small to medium sized Banks in america (primarily the midwest).

Any feedback will be gladly welcomed! Thanks in advance!

Tvanpeursem (talk) 23:44, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I think there are a few tone and language problems with the article. At the moment it sounds like an advertisement for the company. Try and make the language and tone style of the article more neutral sounding. Please see WP:TONE for more information. Thanks. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:35, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

e.g. looking for information on EMI electric and musical instrument Model#re321 serial# 527
looking for information on EMI electric and musical instrument Model#re321 serial #527 Email me info at chrisnuttley@hotmail.com

99.225.18.130 (talk) 00:43, 13 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Hi, you've posted in the wrong place. This page is for users to get feedback on new articles that they have created for Wikipedia. For factual questions, please ask at the Wikipedia reference desk, thank you. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:31, 13 July 2010 (UTC)