Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 July 22

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TAFMO
please could you tell me if this is ok?

Phil

Philipcourse (talk) 02:10, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Please try and add additional reliable references to the article, and add names to the references already there, like this:

Example sentence Hope you understand. Chevy monte  carlo  - alt 05:30, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamuela_Kahoano
Thanks! Wow, it's hard to find a free image. The one I uploaded turned out to be copywrited on Flickr. I did a lot of data collection, so I'm not sure I can find much more good references at this point - though I forwarded the link to Kamuela Kahoano and he didn't note anything was incorrect.

I think I'll just remove any image reference for now; perhaps someone else can provide a free one.

Luteguy (talk) 04:12, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Good job, but you will need possibly a few more reliable references\sources, to prove that he is notable enough for an encyclopedia article and (especially because he's a living person) to prove the accuracy of the article. Social networks, youtube, ect. can't be used. Looks pretty good though! Do you need help with making the picture work? ~ Qwerp Qwertus ·  Contact Me  · 19:58, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * You might also want to add an infobox to the article as well; you can use a preset template such as Template:Infobox person or something similar. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:28, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KOKO_MOKO
please give feedback also refer http://www.owleanimations.com/kokomoko.html

Apbalamani (talk) 05:15, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Sorry, the article seems to have been deleted for being spam/advertising. In future you need to try and make your article's tone more neutral. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:26, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

Environment_and_Urbanization
Hello, please can you review this new article (my first)? It's about an academic journal with a focus on issues of urbanization and the environment in the Global South. Many thanks, Anton.

AntonV (talk) 10:01, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I think there are problems with the tone and language of the article; at the moment it sounds like an advertisement. Please see WP:TONE or WP:POV for more information. Please try and make the article's tone more neutral. Phrases like 'is one of the world's most widely read and cited peer-reviewed academic urban journals' can remain in the article but only if there's references to prove that. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:24, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

User:Екатерина Копылова/Vinokurov
Dear all, I am new to Wiki and need help. Could You please tell me if my article is ready to go live in the mainspace. Thank You very much.

Екатерина Копылова (talk) 11:00, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

Welcome to Wikipedia! There are some issues with your proposed article.
 * The following should be helpful:


 * Help:Getting started
 * Your first article
 * What Wikipedia is not

A few more points:
 * the image used in your article does not appear to be copyright-free since it is linked to the person's website.
 * The article uses no references and no inline citations. Please take a look at Citing sources.  Citing sources for asserted facts helsp to prove an article's Notability, a key component of Wikipedia.

Hope that helps.Shearonink (talk) 18:29, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Nice work with the links, but as Shearonink says you need to try and use inline citations to display them correctly. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:21, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Never_Look_Away
New page showing synposis and details for Never Look Away, a novel by Linwood Barclay

Mrjoe1986 (talk) 12:47, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

please delete
 * Do you want me to delete the article? Send me a message here, thanks. I'll provide a brief review for you anyway. You might want to consider adding an infobox and more reliable references. Also if you can try and add more links. Chevy  monte  carlo

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:PhillipgreyIII/new_article_name_here
Jazz Singer/Actor Jonny Fair

Hello, I recently wrote a brief article on my favorite jazz singer Mr Jonny Fair. If you could be so kind as to review it if & when you get time & please comment about any improvements or suggestions? Thank You

PhillipgreyIII (talk) 15:51, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, Wikipedia cannot be used as a reference, so please remove those references. I see you have made a few mistakes with the references, so here's an example of how it should be done:

Bob went to London. The actual references need to be in the main part of the article, not in the references section. The references section is just for displaying the references. You need to add a tag to the references section, so it will display all the references on the page with tags at the bottom in a list. Hope you understand! If you don't, please send me a message. Chevy monte  carlo  05:12, 25 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cujo411 - Can you provide feedback on this Christian Dating article which contrasts Biblical Courtship
Can you please review the Christian Dating article (Cujo411) and provide any feedback. Yes, I have references, they are cited in the article and I have yet to readd the full references for the page. The topic is notable

Cujo411 (talk) 16:09, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tim_Parry_Johnathan_Ball_Foundation_for_Peace
Can Any one please provide me with the feedback about my page

Niirvan (talk) 16:32, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

Much improved in general from previous versions.

The following areas are still of concern:
 * The details of the two boys' deaths (Johnathan Ball and Tim Parry), seem to be somewhat co-mingled. See Warrington bomb attacks.
 * Tone of article still needs to be adjusted, for instance, another word should be substituted for "our" (as in "Our Peace Charter)
 * History and Foundation Activities sections need to be sourced within the article itself as in Citing sources.
 * Infobox list of Patrons (under Key people) is confusing to the casual viewer. Maybe list patrons in a separate section at the end of the article itself?  (Participation by Notable people can sometimes be an indication of an article's Notability.)

Shearonink (talk) 17:39, 22 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Skin_Cancer_Foundation
Please review for accuracy.

SCFcommman (talk) 19:02, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Please try and add suitable names to the references of the article, like this:


 * I hope you understand. If you don't please send me a message. Also, there's tone problems with the article. It sounds like an advertisement. Please try and rewrite it to try and make it more neutral. For more information on this please see WP:TONE or WP:POV. Thanks. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:46, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:W.MGMT/Todd_Wolfe
W.MGMT (talk) 20:08, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Please try and add suitable names to the references of the article, like this:


 * I hope you understand. If you don't please send me a message. Thanks. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:42, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kolo_(albums)
Please review. Kscostelloe (talk) 20:16, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Hi, as the template box at the top of the article says, please try and rewrite the article in a more neutral point of view/style, because at the moment the article sounds like an advertisement for the company. If it sounds like an ad it's likely to just get deleted for spam reasons, so I recommend that you do this. More information on tone and language styles on Wikipedia are available at WP:TONE or WP:POV. Thanks. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:40, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Noonan_(analyst)
Does this look right?

206.205.150.20 (talk) 20:30, 22 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Please add suitable names to the references, like this:


 * I can see you've used inline citations to display your references, and that is great, but the references just need some names. It's better to have a descriptive name that is useful to the reader rather than just a bare URL. Also please try and do the same to the external links as well, as they have the same problem. As well as this, I think you should try adding sections to the article, just to try and break up the long paragraphs you have at the moment. Finally, I think an infobox would be great. You can use a template like Template:Infobox person or something similar. Thanks. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:37, 23 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LoggerheadClub&Marina
Sorry, link is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loggerhead_Club_%26_Marina Request Feedback. Sources and references linked to article.

Marin OLeary (talk) 21:00, 22 July 2010 (UTC)