Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 July 29

User:Ehokaz/Frank_Dolphin
Hi, I'm wondering if this is enough material to start a page on a person? Are more sources needed?

Ehokaz (talk) 00:57, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I would recommend adding a few more reliable third-party sources from news, ect., especially since this is a bio of a living person; a picture, if you can; and, of course - writing more! Good job though, when you want it moved to mainspace, feel free to leave me a message. ~ Qwerp Qwertus ·  Contact Me  · 04:03, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Nice job with the references, by the way. You clearly know what you're doing in that area. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:21, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galen_Hooks
Please review this page so it can be cleared. Thank you!

75.84.158.215 (talk) 01:01, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Maybe try and add an infobox - Template:Infobox person is probably the most suitable one for the article's subject. The references aren't really correct, so below is an example of how it should be done. Don't worry though, everybody makes mistakes!

Example sentence in the article.

Then, in the references section, add a reflist tag, like this:

Network Advertising Initiative
I'd appreciate a review of this article I've written on an online advertising trade group. I've tried to explain the major points and criticisms and use extensive references (particular for attributing criticism).

If it looks good, maybe someone can remove the "new unreviewed article" tag so that others will have confidence when reading it. Thanks in advance for your comments and help! Npdoty (talk) 03:13, 29 July 2010 (UTC)


 * The citations are very poorly formatted, giving the reader no hint as to what they are or what they mean. The article in general needs better wikification. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  16:08, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the feedback (and the useful reminder on citations!) -- I assume you added the notability header because there were too many primary sources and not enough secondary sources? Npdoty (talk) 00:54, 31 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I didn't remove it, but yes, I think so. Well done with the references, but maybe take a look at WP:Wikify for more information. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:22, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Redbnr22/Roger_Enoka
Added proper names to the refs and also added the person information template box. Thank you for your feedback, this has been an interesting process!

Redbnr22 (talk) 04:45, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Excellent article, especially now with the improvements. As with nearly all articles, try and add more reliable references if you can. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:23, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handel_Manuel
Please review this link.

Tittualex (talk) 05:29, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Try and add some names to the references and external links, like this:

Example sentence. Also, I think you need to work on adding more references to the article, as it is definitely lacking. Thanks. Chevy monte  carlo  08:26, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speakeasy_Tiger
I recently wrote this article and would like to request some feedback, thank you!

Neutronstarcollision (talk) 06:15, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Not bad, some comments:
 * I don't usually work on band articles, because most are in bad shape, and I'm not on top of Notability requirements - I'm still not opining on notability, but this looks like it is in decent shape, so I removed the unreviewed template and did some general cleanup.
 * It would be great if you could improve the format of your references. I did one as an example (footnote 5, though I'm not sure I got the right publisher). (Make sure to use the permalink, as the link you used looks like a search, which will change over time). I personally find it very helpful to use the optional citation gadget. To install, go to "My preferences", select the rightmost tab "Gadgets", the check the box next to refTools (in the Editing gadgets section). Once installed, it will add a new button "Cite" to your editing toolbar. Click on it to add a citation. Makes it much easier.
 * I changed the quote style from blockquote to the quote template - feel free to use the blockquote if you prefer, but do not include quote characters.
 * The bare link (Katrina Stone: Joining Speakeasy Tiger) should not be there. I replaced it with the other reference.
 * You need a source for the Simmons quote. I converted the style and added a cite needed tag - I looked for the quote, but could not find it.
 * I converted the second Gordon quote and added the proper ref
 * I converted your first reference tot he preferred style as a model; it will improve the professionalism of the article if you can do the same for the others (see second point above).-- SPhilbrick  T  17:27, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

e.g. User:Example/Lipsum or Cats or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Example/Lipsum
Hi, I am extremely sorry but I have not used Wiki before and as fantastic as I think it is, I cannot figure out how the whole thing works or event where my entry has been submitted!? I am trying to add an article about Carl Morris the pool player and 1998 world champion and also as a charity fundraiser.

I think the subject/title is headed: Carl Morris (Pool Player)

Fraaigelegen (talk) 08:09, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Theatricalpegasus/World_Database_on_Protected_Areas
Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Theatricalpegasus (talk) 08:38, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

Canadian Journal for Netherlandic Studies/Revue canadienne d'études néerlandaises
Comments, reviews and additions much appreciated.

Uli (talk) 09:02, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I changed the title to conform to WP:TITLE


 * I am not following what you intended in the Abstracting and Indexing section. The use of redlinks implies these are separate Wikipedia articles, but the titles don't appear appropriate. Alternatively, this is a start of a discussion of the contents of the journal, but it isn't making sense to me, can you explain?


 * You need to establish the Notability of the journal—show evidence of references in multiple reliable sources.-- SPhilbrick  T  19:54, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Imperfectdan/Åbäke
Would like this article reviewed. It appears this subject has previously been deleted, and may be blacklisted. Not sure why, previously written by others. Am hoping this article has enough references, links and reliable sources to go live. Any advice appreciated.

Imperfectdan (talk) 10:23, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tbampton/JustMarketingInternational
I would like to publish this page on wikidpedia.

PLease could you give it the all clear and let me know how I get it punlished? Many thanks!

Tbampton (talk) 11:00, 29 July 2010 (UTC)


 * It reads like an advertisment, and leads me strongly to suspect that you work for this company in some capacity. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  16:13, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://csis.org/expert/ernest-bower
Created a Wiki article for our director at the CSIS Southeast Asia Program upon requests by the media. We welcome your feedback to improve the page. Information obtained from our company profile of Mr. Bower here - http://csis.org/expert/ernest-bower.

Best, CSIS Staff

Southeastasiaprogram (talk) 15:50, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * This account has been blocked as an obvious COI role account and a spamusername. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  16:01, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

William Hamilton Merritt III
Created this page as the Merritt, BC article linked to the wrong William Hamilton Merritt (this guy's grandfather).

Tenthmost (talk) 16:15, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jsayre64/Eugene_Challengers#Sponsors
I started this page just yesterday about a baseball team and now I'm wondering whether it's long enough, because I've found all good references online, also how to get rid of the blank uniform images (which are really annoying, because I don't know the exact uniform design or how to add a uniform design), and anything else I could do to improve the page I'd appreciate some thoughts. Thanks.

NEVER MIND! The page has already been deleted.

Jsayre64 (talk) 17:09, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

Jamie Drake, Interior Designer Article Feedback
I wrote a new article for Jamie Drake, Interior Designer. I would like some feedback before I move it to the live site. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Strohlnco/Jamie_Drake,_Interior_designer#Product_Design.2FCollaborations Thanks!

Strohlnco (talk) 18:36, 29 July 2010 (UTC)


 * The only name needed was Jamie Drake, since there are no others by that name in Wikipedia. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  20:48, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jonathanlevey/Harris_levey
Thanks for timely and valuable input Orange Mike on my Harris Levey article. I wil try to modify this article over the weekend with your many excellent suggestions. It all makes sense (but is, frankly, new to me). I invite you to check the article out again once I have made more changes to let me know your further input. Jonathan Levey 21:26, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

I have been working on my draft article about the accomplishemnts/Bio of the late Harris Levey (aka: Lee Harris DC comic book illustrator and Creative Advertising Art Director. I have received much help and guidence from expereinced Wiki editors ---especially from PianoTech and Old English (OE).  Beofe I move thsi article from draft form (in my userspace) over to the Live Wiki site, I woudl welcome any constructive feedback or perhaps if anyone info, research, resources and elated facts to integrate, this too would be greatly appreciated. I beleive I may have too many footnotes, or that perhaps instead of footnotes, I should be inserting a "Related Links" section.  Please advise. Jonathan Levey 18:47, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

Jonathan Levey 18:47, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * There's no such thing as too many footnotes; but you need to read WP:CITE and learn how to properly format them. In the meantime, you have a lot of other problems, beginning with your obvious conflict of interest in writing about a relative; your lack of a neutral point of view, as witnessed by terms like "accomplishments" and the tone of the whole article; and the need to generally clean up the formatting of the piece (what we call "wikification") in order to bring it in line with our Manual of Style. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  20:53, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

Thanks again for your timely and insightful feedback and suggestions,OrangeMike! :) I have already started to try and make the article more objective, but pleas be patient, as I have a lot of work to do and can only squeeze in small slices of time (evenings and weekends).  But please be assured, I will work at it.  Thanks again! Jonathan Levey 01:16, 31 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Unlike OrangeMike, I think there can be too many footnotes, but you are not close to having too many. I did change the reference section to show two columns.
 * I removed the link to the High school - it is already Wikilinked. It would be good if you had some reference showing that he did attend the High School. I assumed that's what the reference would show, but it appears to have been a simple link to the main page of the high school. -- SPhilbrick  T  15:25, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Similarly, I removed the reference after Empire State College. There is an article on the college, so I wikilinked it - you can add a reference if you have one supporting the claim—that Harris completed his degree there—but we wouldn't include a reference merely citing the school information.
 * I removed the link to the Bomstein Agency, and made it an External link, as there is no Wikipedia article at present. Again, a reference would be appropriate showing that Harris worked there, but not a reference merely linking to the agency home page. I changed the double hyphen to an em-dash.-- SPhilbrick  T  15:38, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I changed your term "Cape School of Art" to Cape Cod School of Art, wikilinked it and removed the reference. I changed Arts Students League of New York to Art Students League of New York, wikilinked it and removed the reference, for reasons mentioned above.-- SPhilbrick  T  15:49, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for your great work and advice Sphilbrick! I will definitely try to add more references to this article over time. I guess you are suggesting that a photograph of my dad's high school and college diploma's or transcripts would be helpful to show verification. Would a letter from the Dean of the college and the principal of the high school be sufficient? If so, I can write the schools to ask for this, then photograph the letters and upload a PDF link. Does this make sense? Again, many thanks. I still have lots tolearn about being a Wiki editor, but with help like yours) from the wiki community, I will surely get better over time. Jonathan Levey 15:51, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I responded at your talk page-- SPhilbrick  T  17:41, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brand_Matters
How can I make this more neutral-sounding?

Gh toronto (talk) 18:50, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Madboot/James_Matthews
This page is for my hero James Matthews. He is not mainstream known and in papers, but is well know in the kerrang unsigned market an has video on tv channels like scuzz, lava, and kerrang. Also he has a new band coming out soon, and i believe they are going to take off and he could do with the promotion. I have put links to everything i have wrote to prove he makes news. I just need some feedback before publishing it.

Madboot (talk) 20:20, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "He could do with the promotion"? Read WP:SPAM "they are going to take off"? Read WP:UPANDCOMING. Promotion is not permitted here. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  20:46, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Termspec/Flash_Eez
Hi There

I have made the recommended updates regarding sources of information.

could someone please review the article again

your co-operation would be appreciated

Termspec (talk) 21:02, 29 July 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omnis_Network
I am just beginning to create this page, and do some woefully needed updates on other pages, but would appreciate any early comments to prevent me from repeating them later. Thanks.

Dankim1180 (talk) 21:02, 29 July 2010 (UTC) I just updated their full company name. You could still use some more content. Just be sure that when you talk about them, and their services, you remain impartial. Andrewrandel (talk) 21:33, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, be careful with the article's tone and style; it sounds like an advertisement in places - Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone. Also if you make major statements, please try and use reliable references to prove it. Hope it's helpful. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:13, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the tips. I am trying to write about a company/industry without sounding like an advertisement. But it is hard to walk the line between simply listing the products or services that a company has, and actually advertising it. But the article links you sent me should be a good help. Thanks again. Dankim1180 (talk) 17:28, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

User:Nakataq/rdh architects
Just want to make sure my referencing is adequate and references OK before posting. Thanks,

Nakataq (talk) 21:34, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Instead of using bold font in the sections, try and just use the sections on their own, as that is the preferred way. Below is an example.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Luna
This is an article about a local luminary who is running for mayor. I read about him in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, and liked his political stances. I never ate at any of his restaurants, since I have little interest in the food "scene," but I have heard about him for years. I think the kitchen he has set up for refugee women is in direct contradiction to a foodie-type celebrity chef. He's sort of the anti-chef, and now he might shake up conventional Atlanta city politics.

Is this article properly written? It's my first.

Thanks! Wwwes (talk) 23:19, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I made a couple of minor corrections to the references - you used a '{' instead of a '['. Also consider adding an infobox, such as Template:Infobox person. As well as this, maybe try and add a few links, like I have done to the article already. Other than those minor issues, and the issues raised in the tags at the top of the article, I think the article is okay. Chevy  monte  carlo  08:06, 1 August 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BHpunman007/Peter_Fewing
I am a first time contributor and do not wish to become a regular contributor. I would like to post this starter article in hopes that others will add to it.

I really don't want nor wish a lot of feedback, other than to learn if I have written enough to get the starter item added to Wikipedia. If not, please offer succinct suggestions as to what needs to be changed to make it meet the Wikipedia standards. This process is a bit daunting for the casual contributor!

BHpunman007 (talk) 04:40, 30 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, I added a few links, but if you could try and add some more that would be great. Also something like an infobox would be a good idea, you can use something like Template:Infobox person. Please also try and add names to the external links, like this:

I hope you understand. Please send me a message if you have any more questions. Thanks. Chevy monte  carlo  08:01, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
 * |Example article name goes here!
 * I don't consider the draft far enough along to qualify as a stub article. You've indicated that you don't want to become a regular contributor, so you might not be interested in learning all the rules and coding necessary to get the proposed article up to minimum standards. There are two alternatives- we have a place called Requested articles, where you can simply request that an article be written about Peter Fewing. This is easy, but not encouraged, as the backlog there is huge (hundreds of proposals). A better alternative is Articles for creation, where proposals that are started, but not quite finished can be posted. No guarantees, but a far better success rate and a current backlog of 50. You are free to continue to work on the draft, but you can use the Articles for creation as an option.--  SPhilbrick  T  15:09, 1 August 2010 (UTC)