Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 June 17

User:Strohlnco/Karen Fisher, Designer Previews
I'd appreciate some feedback on this article. A review by a more experienced Wikipedia contributor would be very helpful. Kittybrewster  &#9742;  09:04, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

(Two requests re. same article combined  Chzz  ► 08:09, 18 June 2010 (UTC))

I just completed User:Strohlnco/Karen_Fisher,_Designer_Previews and would like some feedback before I move it live. Thank you. Strohlnco (talk) 16:12, 16 June 2010 (UTC)
 * I think you should try and give some more descriptive names to the external links, as bare links are not really useful to the reader and are not encouraged. - one way to do it is like this- |Official Apple website . Hope this helps! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 12:03, 17 June 2010 (UTC)


 * You need to decide what the subject of the article is - is it about the person, or the company? If it's about a person, use template:infobox person with the pic at the top, and mention their involvement with the org; if it is about the company, then the person might be mentioned in a short section.


 * External links may not be used in the body text - only as either references, or in the external links section - so the inline link to the web site should be removed.  Chzz  ► 08:16, 18 June 2010 (UTC)

Multiple Baseline Design
I've added the categories and external links as suggested.

Thanks for the advice! Please check and publish!

vivlom 16:43, 16 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Seems okay! - I've removed the unreviewed tag for you. Happy editing! ~ Qwerp Qwertus  ·  _Contact Me_ · Get Adopted!   19:28, 16 June 2010 (UTC)

Stand Up For Mental Health
Hi, Can someone please review my article Stand Up For Mental Health at Stand Up For Mental Health and remove the new unreviewed article tag?

Thanks Lauratebb (talk) 17:20, 16 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Good job - I've removed the tag, however, would reccommend checking for neutality and itf you want it to be really good, maybe a picture and\or infobox, which I can help you with. Thanks! ~ Qwerp Qwertus   ·  _Contact Me_ · Get Adopted!   19:31, 16 June 2010 (UTC)
 * There are some problems with the tone as well. -129.78.220.7 (talk) 02:50, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

FIfth Ward Community Redevelopment Corporation
User:Tjp008/Fifth Ward Community Redevelopment Corporation

This article is about the Fifth Ward Community Redevelopment Corporation in Houston, TX. Can someone please review it for me? Thanks!!

Tjp008 (talk) 18:12, 16 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Good job, but you should add more Referencs and Sources to prove the notability and accuracy of the information and some categories so that editors with similiar interests can find it. An infobox and picture are also always good for an article too. Would you like me to get it pubished to mainspace for you? ~ Qwerp Qwertus   ·  _Contact Me_ · Get Adopted!   19:48, 16 June 2010 (UTC)
 * It also reads like an advertisement, so it may require some copyediting to address the tone. -129.78.220.7 (talk) 02:44, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Wikipedia also cannot be used as a reference, so please remove the Wikipedia article reference. However, you can create a new 'See also' section and have the other useful Wikipedia articles linked to there. Hope this helps! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:53, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I appreciate the feedback! This is my first time making an article! I added a infobox, however I was having some issues with the sizing of pictures to go in it. I also, I fixed the reference to an Wikipedia article and took your advice about the 'Also See' section. I would love some help getting it published to the mainspace =) Tjp008 (talk) 18:38, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

Washington International Trade Association
Washington International Trade Association

Wita4 (talk) 18:17, 16 June 2010 (UTC)Sophia Siddiqui 06/16/2010
 * I might recommend expanding the text portion, adding more References and Sources to prove the notability and accuracy of the information and some categories so that editors with similar interests can find it. Good job though!~ Qwerp Qwertus  ·  _Contact Me_ · Get Adopted!   00:29, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * I think you also think about adding an Infobox to the article, and maybe some links to categories at the bottom, where they will appear in a bar at the bottom automatically. Categories list the article with similar articles and help to increase the amount of readers/visitors to the article. The infobox would be a good idea as it would summarise the article - if you have any more questions please ask either at WP:HD, on here or on my talk page. Thanks! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:49, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Tutor_Expert/The_Tutor_Pages
User:Tutor_Expert/The_Tutor_Pages

Article about The Tutor Pages, a UK tutor directory where each tutor has written an article on their expertise.

Many thanks.

Tutor Expert (talk) 22:38, 16 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Not bad, you should move it to the mainspace. -129.78.220.7 (talk) 02:43, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * I think you need to try and add some more useful names to the references. At the moment the reader has no idea what each of the sites are about. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:35, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

Never Hold You Down
Never Hold You Down

I am requesting feedback on this article I created. Thanks! Ozurbanmusic 03:51, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Like many of the articles you have created so far, it's really good. You obviously know what makes a good article - well done. I think you need to add some categories to the article though if you can - I think you know how to do that. The references are good but please try not to rely on one site or source too much - try to keep the references varied and overall the references will become more reliable. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:38, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

Edward Cutbush - Naval Surgeon
Edward Cutbush - This is my first one.. I'd appreciate your feedback. NYtime 04:14, 17 June 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Nconwaymicelli (talk • contribs)
 * An thorough article. A tip with signing your posts on talk pages and pages like this one - please remember to type the four tildes ( ~ ) to stamp your username tag after your posts. That way we can all keep track of who said what. As to the article, I think the 'Surgeon in US Navy' section needs a few more links added if you can. The pictures and infobox is great too, and you've done a nice job with the references. Well done :) Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 11:43, 17 June 2010 (UTC)


 * I removed subsequent uses of "Dr.", it is normal to just use the last name throughout the article. I, too, think you've done really good. Another nitpick is that you seem to insert a space before your footnotes. Ideally, footnotes should be placed immediately after punctuation (or immediately before). If you are planning on creating more articles, I encourage you to nominate them for the "Did you know ...?" section of the Main page. You can do so at T:TDYK within five days of creation. Regards,  (talk) 11:56, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

ConsensusDOCS
Request for Feedback for ConsensusDOCS.

ConsensusDOCS is a library of standard form construction contract documents, written and endorsed by 23 industry associations. Our Wikipedia page aims to provide the public with brief decriptions of its 90+ documents, general information on how the documents are written and edited, a list and description of each endorsing organization of ConsensusDOCS, the ConsensusDOCS drafting process, and brief information on standard form contract documents.

We request a review of ConsensusDOCS to ensure that it meets Wikipedia quality standards. We hope this page will be a resource for those seeking general information regarding ConsensusDOCS and construction contracts.

Mcgarveym (talk) 14:29, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for the feedback and reply, and for changing the name. Thanks for offering to add the info box for me. Yes, I would like that! Also, I am trying to figure out how to make the page go live. I used the Wizard,

13 Lynn C. Tolson Lynn329 Lynn329 (talk) 21:20, 15 June 2010 (UTC) I'm sorry, I do not know how to change "Enter_your_new_artcle_name_here to the Date Safe Project submitting for feedback and approval. Thank you.

Pretty good, but you might add more reliable third-party sources and references to prove the importance, notability, and accuracy of the information, such as a newspaper or big website. Expanding it would also help - it's pretty short as is (a photo and infobox are also always great). If you want, I can add the infobox for you. Good job though! I've changed the name for you. (ForFutureReference. That's called the move function - it is under a tab at the top of the page. Thanks! ~ QwerpQwertus ·_Contact Me_·Get Adopted! 01:53, 16 June 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lynn329 (talk • contribs)

Think Banking
I've created a basic article stub for Think Banking.

User:Faulknerm88/Think_Banking

Faulknerm88 (talk) 19:13, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * The main issue here is that there's no evidence that the subject is notable. Take a look at the notability criteria and see whether or not you can establish notability.  Giftiger Wunsch    [TALK]  20:16, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

MIJO
MIJO

Hello, looking for someone to review my addition on our company, was originally submitted back in November 2009, not sure why it's not searchable yet. Many thanks!

69.77.183.2 (talk) 20:15, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * The link is incorrect, please change it for a working link. Also please bear in mind that you should avoid editing articles with which you have a conflict of interest.  Giftiger Wunsch    [TALK]  20:17, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * Deleted as blatant advertisement and promotion (of non-notable subject, at that). -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  20:18, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

Entrepreneurs Foundation
Entrepreneurs Foundation Entrepreneurs Foundation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Acchrist/Entrepreneurs_Foundation --Acchrist (talk) 20:39, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * The main issue here is that there's no evidence that the subject is notable. Take a look at the notability criteria and WP:NOBLECAUSE to see whether or not you can establish notability. I suspect not. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  21:21, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

Never Hold You Down
Never Hold You Down

Thank you for the feedback. Now that I've added categories in the article like you said I should, can I remove the notice at the top of the article now? thanks! Ozurbanmusic 21:54, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * I've removed it for you. But, for future reference, you can yourself, once you've gotten some feedback. |:-) <b style="font-size:small; font-family:Lucida Calligraphy;">~ </b><i style="font-size:small; font-family:Arial; color:#666990;">Qwerp</i> Qwertus   ·  _Contact Me_ · Get Adopted!   00:51, 18 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Natkolk/Yodel Australia
User:Natkolk/Yodel Australia

Hello, Could you please review my article. It has been written about the company, Yodel Australia. The information provided on this company is completely unbiased. It has not been written as an advertising method, but just a place where people can find information, history and details about Yodel.

Are there any changes I can make that would improve it? Any sources that should be added or removed? I spent quite a lot of time writing this and would really really appreciate any help that you can offer.

Thankyou

Natkolk (talk) 23:15, 17 June 2010 (UTC)
 * It's pretty good, but you may want to improve the neutrality of the article as, though it isn't necessarily biased, it's tone is in favor of the company. Changing the text so that it will be neutral and factual-sounding would help, and maybe a few more reliable third-party sources, like from big newspapers or websites, but good job - if you can fix that, I'd be happy to publish it to mainspace for you. <b style="font-size:small; font-family:Lucida Calligraphy;">~ </b><i style="font-size:small; font-family:Arial; color:#666990;">Qwerp</i> Qwertus  ·  _Contact Me_ · Get Adopted!   00:55, 18 June 2010 (UTC)

Two Mountain Winery
Two Mountain Winery is my first wikipedia article and i would like it reviewed.

Thank you Brothers Rawn (talk) 00:19, 18 June 2010 (UTC)
 * User Appears To Be Blocked <b style="font-size:small; font-family:Lucida Calligraphy;">~ </b><i style="font-size:small; font-family:Arial; color:#666990;">Qwerp</i> Qwertus  ·  _Contact Me_ · Get Adopted!   03:40, 18 June 2010 (UTC)


 * Yes, user has been blocked for having a company-name in their username, and the article was deleted as "Unambiguous advertising or promotion".


 * If you do come back, please read the business FAQ, and ask for more help at that time. You - and other users in a similar position - might be interested in the rough draft essay I've been working on, on this very topic - which is in User:Keegan/Butterfly; I hope you will help us to edit some other articles.  Chzz  ► 03:52, 18 June 2010 (UTC)