Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 November 18

Q-Dance
Please contribute new information to the article.

Gskaplan.1000 (talk) 00:23, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

Guisborough Helmet
Any feedback would be appreciated.

Prioryman (talk) 01:00, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

User:Liddydiddy/Angkor Children's Hospital
Article on Angkor Children's Hospital in Siem Reap, Cambodia, which has treated hundreds of thousands of children free of charge.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Liddydiddy (talk) 01:12, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

Davey Jones, the Monkees.
What are u going to do about people such as Earle's and John Farnham's family who keep putting their photo's on Davi's web-page? Is the Jones family claiming money from Davi? Is this Doctor Britten-Jones family, a doctor in Walkerville, Adelaide, South Australia where Davi's parents live? They can't get away with this. Cheating and exploiting Davi. Luv, JoeGirl

60.228.181.247 (talk) 02:32, 18 November 2010 (UTC)
 * This is a forum to discuss relatively new articles. If your question relates to Davy Jones (actor), this isn't the right forum. It sounds like you are concerned about improper edits to the page, although I took a quick look, and don't see a recent issue. If that is your concern, you can report the problem at WP:AIV. If you are asking about something else, please try again, and I'll try to answer, or direct you to the right place.-- SPhilbrick  T  15:33, 22 November 2010 (UTC)

The_Book_Industry_Strategy_Group
Hi this is my first article. The Book Industry Strategy Group is a government initiative in Australia to take a look at how the digitial age will impact the book publishing industry within Australia and the ramifications globally. As it is so new, I'm a little unsure as to what 'resources' should be linked to the article and indeed, if any are relevant. All comments gratefully received. Marykaywalker (talk) 03:31, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

David_Matuszak
EHWSQ (talk) 03:41, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

User:TanayCRM/СDM as
What you think about this page?

TanayCRM (talk) 08:26, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

Did Christians Steal Christmas?
This is a description of a booklet which analyses the Christmas story from historical sources. Comments please.

StewE17 (talk) 09:06, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

User:HannaManna/Axel Technologies
I've edited the page with references and links. Please provide feedback and let me know if this page can be soon published

HannaManna (talk) 10:25, 18 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm concerned about whether this would survive a deletion debate. While you have a fair number of references, one is internal to the company, another is a pure directory type of listing, and most are PR releases. There are a couple industry pieces that are probably motivated by a PR release, but show some evidence of original writing, but not much.
 * The tone is promotional. "Solutions" is a dead giveaway - it is PR speak, not encyclopedic.
 * The one substantive claim "Fuugo is the first TV application in the world personalsing[sic] a content stream..." is cited, and sounds like it is written by an insider. (Make sure to read WP:COI)
 * I won't be surprised if we have other articles with a Milestones section, but it is a list of items, presumably important to the company, but not all that important to a reader interested in learning about the company. Who cares when they received venture funding, changed their strategy and opened a support office? This would be better written as a prose paragraph, discussing the major events, not every single detail.
 * Sorry, I'm sure you've put some work into this, but it looks to me like a glorified directory entry.-- SPhilbrick  T  16:40, 22 November 2010 (UTC)

John_Lennon_Peace_Monument
This page is introducing the John Lennon Peace Monument, also known as the European Peace Monument dedicated to John Lennon, that was unveiled in Chavasse Park in the heart of Liverpool, England, on 9th October 2010, by Cynthia and Julian Lennon. The John Lennon Peace Monument was gifted by the Global Peace Initiative and hopes to represent and inspire peace in the continent of Europe while also acting as a tribute to the memory of John Lennon and all the musical and poetic inspiration he has given the people of the world.

Research CC (talk) 11:19, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

Sheregesh
My first article. I expect any feedback about all the article and particularly about grammar. English isn't my mother tongue. Thanks

Broxie-Brox (talk) 14:26, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

Helical Orbit Spectrometer (HELIOS)
This is my first article. It is about a new piece of experimental equipment at Argonne National Lab.

Jon Lighthall (talk) 17:52, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

Russell_and_Fern_de_Greeff_Hospice_House
Hi: Looking for comments on new page about the history of the de Greeff Hospice House in St. Louis. Appreciate your time!

SAMCSTL (talk) 18:09, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

User:Asl352/NYU_Archives
The feedback I received suggested I integrate my article on the NYU Archives with the General NYU Wikipedia page. While this makes sense, the Fales Library, another division of the NYU library system (just like the Archives!), has its own Wikipedia page. Why can't the archives?

Asl352 (talk) 19:16, 18 November 2010 (UTC)

User:Benlevy1/Harry_Barr
Have I got the tone of the content right? Are there enough sources? Anything else I should be looking to add?

Benlevy1 (talk) 21:32, 18 November 2010 (UTC)
 * This is a fairly well-written article. I would suggest adding a few more sources, and especially more inline citations. There are some minor tone issues (for example, 'His painting was a direct expression of himself - vital and impulsive'). Some expressions used are not wrong per se but would better fit the tone of a biography or obituary than that of an encyclopaedia (for example, 'taken under the wing of'). The subject seems to meet notability guidelines, as long as you can provide a few more sources showing significant coverage. Intelligent  sium  22:02, 22 November 2010 (UTC)