Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 November 5

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reigne
Please check if it's good to go. Thanks!

Chrisreigns29 (talk) 01:09, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I think you need to look at the article's tone and language style (see WP:POV). Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone and not sound like advertisements. You need to look at the article and try and at least make improvements, or rewrite the article, to make it more neutral in tone. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:35, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Conti
Consiliumdesign (talk) 08:23, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
 * The first thing I notice about the article is that you need to use footnotes to display your references correctly. Please contact me if you need any help with that. I did also notice that, as per WP:CITE, sites like Facebook and YouTube cannot be used as references because they're not considered notable enough, so please remove those particular references. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:40, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_O%27Toole_-_The_Baker_from_Beechworth
I have added this article on a man named Tom O'Toole from Beechworth, Victoria, Australia. He is a man who started out under the harshest of lifestyles and has become a prominent businessman, author and speaker. He now does much work in the way of helping individuals, employees and employers to create a motivational lifestyle for their own lives from his experiences and his hard-earned knowledge.

I have added many references and there are more that could be added. Several of them are from government sites and educational institutions in Australia. He continually does free work and speaking engagements for young people and institutions concerned with disabilities and other hardships. This philosophy would be a welcome concern for most people during today's economic hardship.

I welcome any comments or suggestions for providing a better article within Wikipedia.

Thank you for any help in advance, ESMcL

ESM 08:37, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I think the article's name is better off at just Tom O'Toole, if that name is not already taken by a different article. I also noticed a few other things which I hope you will take on board and hopefully use to correct/improve the article:


 * As per WP:CITE, other Wikipedia articles cannot be used as a reference. However, you can put the links to the other articles into something like a 'See also' section if they are related to your article's subject.
 * You need to look at the external links, because there are a few mistakes with the names. It should be done like this:

Waldini
This musician is fondly remembered by many people for his work as a band leader from the 1920s to 1960s. The article is incomplete, but forms a basis for initial review, please

Skrbishop (talk) 08:59, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I think you need to add more reliable references from third-party sources - see WP:CITE. I think you've done a good job so far though! I also think you should perhaps try and add some links as well. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:31, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Editions_(band)
Page for Editions (band) featuring Jon Lilygreen, Cyprus's 2010 entry to the Eurovision Song Contest

Editionsuk (talk) 15:06, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I think you need to add more reliable references to the article, otherwise it's likely to just get deleted for lack of notability. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:26, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

User:Guinunez/Bettween
I would really appreciate feedback on this new article.

It was featured on the La Nacion newspaper, it is one of the 2 leading newspapers on Argentina and thats the main reason I though it was a good idea to add an article of it.

Thanks a lot!

Guinunez (talk) 17:58, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Hmmm, it's a nice start but I think perhaps you need to be more careful with the article's tone and style, as it's very easy to accidentally make an article just sound like an advertisement for the product or service. Chevy  monte  carlo  06:16, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Thanks a lot! I've changed several things, and I found an article of the printed version of the newspaper, so I added it. Am I going on the right path?

Guinunez (talk) 15:07, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Yeah, that's good. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:28, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Excellent! thank you very much

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Acprail
I have made changes to the text, and added to the references, categorized the page as well. I need someone to review the changes made and offer feedback. I'm hoping I've done enough for the article to be Wikipedia worthy. the link I provided goes to my history so that changes made can be looked at.

Acprail (talk) 16:32, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Borgia (2011 TV Series)
Annafu (talk) 16:37, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Choroszucha Identity
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choroszucha_identity

Any comments are welcome.

I have uploaded a new mathematical identity that does not appear to be found anywhere. It is a highly specialised identity, but interesting nonetheless.

Rchoroszucha (talk) 19:05, 5 November 2010 (UTC)
 * As soon as I looked at the article, I decided the editor to ask is Michael Hardy. The good news is that he is aware of it. The bad news is that he supports deletion. His argument is sound. Sorry.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:27, 7 November 2010 (UTC)

Curtis_M._Loftis,_Jr.
I had several political biographies to enter and had found the steps daunting. This biography had URL links in it but they didn't seem to convey with its transfer from my user page. Sorry, I'm new to this.

Dunceton (talk) 19:27, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

The Service Network for Children of Inmates http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Service_Network_for_Children_of_Inmates
Please check if this is good. Thanks.

68.156.35.226 (talk) 20:40, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

One of the references comes from the company's website so is unreliable because it is not 3rd party (see Reliable sources). However, the statement it supports is unlikely to be challenged so it is probably okay. You could do with formatting the references correctly (see WP:Cite web), you should at the very least have a publisher and an access date. Otherwise good job.--Ykraps (talk) 08:32, 12 November 2010 (UTC)

The Biography of Sooyeon Lee
I need help editing this article. Can anyone help me edit it to the right outline?

Lara1991 (talk) 20:55, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

User:Lara1991/Sooyeon lee reads like a resume. Firstly you need to establish notability (see WP:Notability (people) then you need to rewrite the article in an encyclopaedic style with a neutral point of view (see WP:NPOV) avoiding peacock phrases. Next you need to find reliable third party sources (see WP:Reliable sources) and add them to your article (see WP:Citing sources). --Ykraps (talk) 23:33, 11 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R%26R_Associates
Btdogan (talk) 22:17, 5 November 2010 (UTC)


 * The whole thing reads like an advertisement. If you leave it in the mainspace it is likely that it will be speedily deleted. You must write in a neutral fashion (see WP:NPOV). Avoid statements such as: innovative product design, R&R is the pioneer  and Satisfied R&R clients as this is opinion. References to any awards won such as Tri County finalist must be supported by reliable third party sources (see WP:Reliable sources). Finally as this is an English language encyclopaedia, you should use English equivalent words so your country is known as Turkey.--Ykraps (talk) 08:12, 12 November 2010 (UTC)