Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 November 8

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:StephanieTilton/Jill_Konrath
This is my first Wiki page. I went through the tutorial and used the Article Wizard but welcome feedback on whether or not I followed the guidelines and formatted correctly. Thank you!

StephanieTilton (talk) 01:36, 8 November 2010 (UTC)
 * It's a good start but much of the article just sounds like an advertisement. Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone and not sound like CVs or advertisements, or they're likely to just get deleted for spam. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:14, 11 November 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback! Clearly I need to rework the page.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poor_Boyz_Productions
hey im new to editing on wikipedia and need some help with this article, thanks in advance

Mynamismik (talk) 01:56, 8 November 2010 (UTC)


 * That was not an article, it was an advertisement; it has already been deleted. If it makes you feel any better, there is no evidence that the subject is notable in any way, so any article on this topic would have been deleted fairly soon anyway. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  21:37, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

are you kidding me, it appeared to be an advertisement because it wasnt finished. do you even know what your talking about?! it is definatley notable, please do some research before making accusitions. Mynamismik (talk) 12:36, 9 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Are you kidding us? I quote, ... left the competitive ranks to devote his life to capturing the mind-blowing imagery of professional skiing. For the past 15 years, the Poor Boyz family has built itself on documenting the most quintessential ski moments in skiing history. Poor Boyz continues to push forward priding itself on not only being at the forefront of skiing but also on the forefront of the changing new media platforms. That's not an article, that's a shameless advertising blurb. Don't pretend otherwise. -- Orange Mike  &#x007C;   Talk  16:45, 9 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:ThatGirl42/NextIsland
ThatGirl42 (talk) 03:34, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

User:Bluetiger50/No Labels
I have composed a new article which I believe has numerous credible sources. How do I use the same reference again without citing the entire url as another source? Also, please send any and all feedback that you may have. Thanks.

Bluetiger50 (talk) 03:36, 8 November 2010 (UTC)
 * The page you linked to does not exist. ǝɥʇ M0N0 04:21, 9 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Rouelshimi/Tour_Egypt
This is my first wikipedia article and I have followed all the guidelines, but just want to make sure everything is fine before I publish it. Thanks for the help!

Rouelshimi (talk) 09:47, 8 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Hello and welcome to Wikipedia! It seems you are affiliated with the subject you are writing about—this is usually discouraged. You'll want to review our conflict of interest guideline, along with our neutral point of view policy, as Wikipedia strives to offer a free, independent encyclopedia. For additional guidance, you can ask me on my talk page and read this page. More specifically, wording like "offers visitors the chance" is not neutral, and sounds a little like an advertisement. "Offers visitors the chance" could be converted to "offers organized tours". Additionally, you'll want to add wikilinks in accordance with our linking policy. Finally, your article needs reliable sources to prove its notability and to back up the claims within the article. Thanks, ǝɥʇ M0N0 04:28, 9 November 2010 (UTC)

I've Got Nothing
I've been working on this article for some time now, and have moved it into the main namespace as of yesterday. It's the first article I've ever written about a song, so I wasn't entirely sure how it should be set out, and what information needed to be included - I simply used a few FAs as a guideline. I welcome any and all feedback from the community on how it can be improved. Thanks very much! Vobedd731 (talk) 10:32, 8 November 2010 (UTC)
 * It looks almost impeccable! Great job! ǝɥʇ M0N0 04:31, 9 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Thank you very much, Mono - very nice of you to say so! Vobedd731 (talk) 16:58, 9 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Yes, very nice.-- SPhilbrick  T  02:36, 12 November 2010 (UTC)

Manfred Osten
This is my first article and I'm just looking to make sure I'm on the right track. Thanks very much.

Tillander 11:43, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

IBM System/360 architecture
This article was written with the intention of being merged into IBM System/360. It concentrates on the CPU architecture, since base article already contains some material on the bus&tag cables used for S/360 I/O channels.

Shmuel (Seymour J.) Metz Username:Chatul (talk) 13:52, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

User:Car0lina01 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Car0lina01/sandbox
Hello, I have made the advised changes to our wiki page and wanted feedback as to if this article is ready to post live. Thanks for your help.

Car0lina01 (talk) 15:08, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

Hi, it seems to go with an advertisement type of article profile. Even if you claim to be a non-profit site, the site does charge for the services it offers. This is a not allowed for Wikipedia pages. You can explain what the site offers, but the links cannot become an advertisement. Read up on the requirements from the tags at the top of your page. This is what the sandbox is for, asking questions. Hope it helps.--ESMcL 02:09, 9 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Wendylu15/NOWNESS.com
I've written an article on an editorial website, NOWNESS.com. I am looking for general feedback before pushing it live. Thank you for your help!

Wendylu15 (talk) 15:20, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

100 Women in Hedge Funds
we are new to editing/contributing to wikipedia. please let us know how we can improve the new article on the association and foundation, 100 Women in Hedge Funds. We posted tons of external references and there are many many news stories on the web from the organization's ten year history.

Danabhall (talk) 19:23, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

Mark Kiczula
How do I add a pic or diagram?

76.175.96.58 (talk) 19:31, 8 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Please read WP:COI. While it may seem odd that you would be discouraged from contributing to an article when you probably know more than any other editor, it actually makes sense in the context of the Wikipedia goals. All is not lost, though, if someone else creates an article, you are permitted, even encouraged, to post information to the related Talk Page, suggesting corrections, addition, or relevant sources, but other, uninvolved editors should make the changes.-- SPhilbrick  T  02:29, 12 November 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Brandydominelli/SandroDominelli
Hi! I would like this article to be reviewed to be sure the content is well written and appropriate for Wikipedia. Thank you!

Brandydominelli (talk) 21:28, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

User:DSkael/Edgar_Cantero
Article is a translation from the Spanish wikipedia, which in turn says to be a translation from the Catalan one. Neither of them cited any sources, so I tried to back up and expand their claims. Please check it is valid. DSkael (talk) 21:29, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

First Wikipedia article. I know it's not anywhere close to being put in the mainspace, I would just like some advice on what to put into this article. Thanks!

 I'm Flightx52 and I approve this message  22:06, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

Akai Kutsu (Japanese Nursery Rhyme)
Hey, I'd just like someone to review my recent article. Never done a from-scratch article before, or at least not in a while.

Ardyn (talk) 22:15, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

Toroidal expansion joint
Please read over my new article and provide me with feedback. It is greatly appreciated! Thanks!

SylvIba (talk) 22:42, 8 November 2010 (UTC)
 * First, the wording you are using is to close to the source.


 * Source:


 * A toroidal convolution consists of a circular tube (or totus) wrapped around weld ends or pipe ends having a gap at the I.D. to permit axial stroke.


 * Article wording:
 * A Toroidal expansion joint is a metallic assembly that consists of a series of toroidal convolutions which are circular tubes wrapped around pipe ends or weld ends and have a gap at the inside diameter to allow for axial stroke while absorbing changes in expansion or contraction of the pipe line.


 * Reversing the order of "pipe ends" and "weld ends",spelling out "inside diameter" and changing "permit to "allow" is not enough to avoid the concern. See Close paraphrasing


 * Second, there are too may terms which are not well-known absent definition. What's a toroidal convolution? What's a weld end? What's an axial stroke? If you replace the jargon with more easily understood phrases, you might solve both problems.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:20, 12 November 2010 (UTC)

User:YoDroz/zChocolat
This is my first article. Feedback would be appreciated. Many thanks!

YoDroz (talk) 01:23, 9 November 2010 (UTC)