Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 1

User:Architectsea/Fred_Bassetti
I would appreciate feedback on this article about a living person. I have not footnoted everything, but virtually every fact is verifiable from the links in the External links and bibliography section in the article. Thanks

Architectsea (talk) 04:39, 1 October 2010 (UTC)


 * One reference is to a blog, which is not a reliable source.


 * Another reference is just 'David Brewster' - presumably, from information from that person. That is not appropriate; it is not verifiable.


 * The article contains external links in the body-text; that is not appropriate; external websites should only be used as references, or - with various limitations - in an 'external links' section at the end; see WP:EL. Currently, there are far too many external links at the end, too.


 * It contains non-neutral claims, such as As a leader in the architectural community and as an activist, Bassetti made major contributions towards many of Seattle's most noteworthy buildings and people places


 * That entire section is unreferenced; all facts need appropriate reliable sources.


 * Extra-special care is needed with biographies, so please read WP:BLP.  Chzz  ► 20:00, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Vatelschool/Vatel_International_Hospitality_School
Waiting to get my page approved..

Vatelschool (talk) 12:25, 1 October 2010 (UTC)

This article is about a group for hospitality education with world wide presence. Virtually every fact is complimented by references listed in the foot notes. As this is first article there might formating errors. Thanks

Vatelschool (talk) 12:27, 1 October 2010 (UTC)


 * It seems mostly based on 'campusfrance', which is not an independent reliable source. You need references to newspaper articles, books, reputable websites (such as CNN, BBC News, etc).


 * It does not keep to a neutral point of view.

Vatel International Hospitality School is global entityWhat? Sounds like marketing spam with more than 24 campuses in 14 countries across the world. The Schools mission is to train Operations managers and create CEO’s and Company heads of tomorrow for the Hotel Industry in a Global context. The first school was created in 1981 and until today has trained more than 20,000 graduates worldwide.

...and so on.


 * All the dated claims through the history are unreferenced.


 * "Academic Structure" probably should be removed, per WP:NOTDIR.


 * Same for the list of sites, which certainly should not have external links; see WP:EL.


 * "Accreditation" is unreferenced.


 * "Alumni Association" is unreferenced.

 Chzz  ► 20:08, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

National Tyres and Autocare
I would appreciate it if someone could spare a little time to look over this new page. The main things i think will need attention are the formatting of the History section and suggestions of what else may improve the page. Thanks.

Lancshero (talk) 13:18, 1 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Hmm. Two comments- the last sentence of the introduction is a little strange, and the entire "British Superbike Sponsorship" section is written with a very clearly non-neutral point of view. It's a decent new article all in all. sonia ♫  20:55, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * The article is nicely structured, though. Well done :) Chevy  monte  carlo  09:33, 2 October 2010 (UTC)

User:The_Kurl/Pensby_High_School_for_Girls
The Kurl (talk) 14:36, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * The article has no references. Please try and add some reliable, third-party references. Thank you. Chevy  monte  carlo  09:32, 2 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Patpend/Boone_Helm
This is an article about Boone Helm, an Old West murderer known as the Kentucky Cannibal. I wrote the article after I could not find an existing article and wanted more information. While there are additional sources, the sources I have cited appear to be the most reliable. Because Boone Helm is "larger than life" most of the other sources I have found appear to include exaggerations and/or legends. Any help on this article or information on what I need to improve it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Patpend (talk) 18:49, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I like how you've divided up the article into sections and added links, but try not to rely on Google Books so much for your references. Also, try and add some more descriptive names to the references, so the reader gets a better idea of what website the reference is. Here is an example:

Example sentence. I hope you understand. Chevy monte  carlo  09:30, 2 October 2010 (UTC)

SU6656
This is an article about a the pharmacological compound SU6656, an inhibitor of Src kinases

Robert blake7 (talk) 19:13, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * The article's references need improvement; take a look at WP:VRS or WP:CITE. Also, to the average reader new to the article's subject it's a bit confusing. Try and make it easier to understand if you can - adding sections and links are a good idea. Chevy  monte  carlo  09:27, 2 October 2010 (UTC)