Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 20

Bill Gibson Musician Author
I just released a book that I co-authored with Quincy Jones and I really only want to have a Wikipedia description for those who will be looking me up. I'm happy to comply with the Wiki-way.

Thanks

Audiogeek712 (talk) 00:07, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Please read WP:COI. While it may seem odd that you would be discouraged from contributing to an article when you probably know more than any other editor, it actually makes sense in the context of the Wikipedia goals. All is not lost, though, if someone else creates an article, you are permitted, even encouraged, to post information to the related Talk Page, suggesting corrections, addition, or relevant sources, but other, uninvolved editors should make the changes.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:07, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Requesting feedback on new article winnowTag
I would appreciate feedback on the new article winnowTag. Thanks!

Wingiii (talk) 00:17, 20 October 2010 (UTC)


 * The article appears to read like an advertisement. Moreover, it could use additional independent reliable sources. If it is supposed to have a lowercase title, please indicate that with Other than that, it looks good. I have placed the corresponding template notices on the article so that others can also be alerted to them. -- Bk314159 (Talk to me and find out what I've done) 01:40, 21 October 2010 (UTC)


 * I appreciate your feedback and have revised the article. Any further feedback is also welcome. — Wingiii talk 23:15, 23 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Although the tone is slightly more neutral, the lack of independent reliable sources remains. -- Bk314159 (Talk to me and find out what I've done) 01:01, 24 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Broadlighter/Carroll Everard Houlgate
This is an article about Carroll Everard "Deke" Houlgate, progenitor of the Houlgate Football Ranking System and publisher of the "College Football Thesaurus." Article contains information about his work as a college football historian and some details about his life.

Broadlighter (talk) 01:09, 20 October 2010 (UTC)


 * I moved it to a subpage, User:Broadlighter/Carroll Everard Houlgate.


 * It does not have inline references; those are required, to show where all the info comes from. See WP:REFB.


 * All the facts need to be verifiable.


 * You put the references actually in the body text, and the system will automatically put a small numbered link like [1] in the references section. For example;

Chzz is 98 years old.

He likes tea.


 * I have added that code below, to show how it works;

Chzz is 98 years old.

He likes tea.

The Summit Bechtel Family National Scout Reserve
Hi all. Recently posted this article (my first) and welcome any feedback. Question: the tag currently residing at the top of the page requests that it be removed by someone other than myself. If I get feedback, but that editor doesn't remove the tag, is it bad form to then remove it myself? That question might be putting the cart before the horse, but I wasn't sure abt the protocol.

Thank you in advance.

Bencurnett (talk) 05:16, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I just reviewed the article and have removed the new article tag. It appears to be a well sourced and viable article.  Fei noh a   Talk, My master 02:47, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Drabiv
Hi,

Is it possible for one of English native speakers to look into my article about Drabiv and check it for stylistic mistakes in language.

Thanks and Regards, Kantakuziv

Kantakuziv (talk) 06:44, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I've made a few grammar corrections, but you need more references - see WP:VRS and WP:CITE. In particular the 'History' section is certainly lacking in references. Chevy  monte  carlo  09:48, 22 October 2010 (UTC)

Dan Dunn %28journalist%29
I'm trying to take this page live. I've been working on it for months, so I would appreciate any and all help. Thanks!

HomerFish (talk) 08:32, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * The article is already live as it's not in your user space anymore. As to the article I think you need to perhaps maybe add an infobox, and improve the references as they're a bit vague (what do you mean exactly by 'Playboy magazine'? i.e. what issue?) and there's no web references either (try and add more links on the web for references if you can). Chevy  monte  carlo  09:45, 22 October 2010 (UTC)

Etilo V. Circa
My Name is Elito V. Circa as amangpintor, the "Legend of Minggan" or "Minggan" is may written story based on my grandfarent in town Pantabangan since 1980 and I also use this story as subject on my paintings. all of my life I spend time to search and improve and ralate the legend to my hometown history.

Amangpintor (talk) 09:12, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

Is the company too small to write about?
Mr. Martonick (talk) 10:03, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * This is a tough one to assess. I don't read German, and none of your references are even online, which means someone has to have access to the print versions. I hope we get lucky and someone with the ability to help sees this, but I'm not optimistic. One alternative is to ask for help on the talk pages of one of the editors here, who may be able to direct you to someone who is in a better position to help. Sorry.-- SPhilbrick  T  00:04, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Gavin Brown (diver)
Could someone review this article for readability and clarity? I want to do the subject justice by providing an interesting article about this Olympic hopeful who was struck down just before his potential could have been realized. Thank you for any assistance.

Lmaggiesmith (talk) 13:44, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I've made a few minor improvements (including the removal of the  tags - you don't need those) but overall I think the article is very well written. There's no categories but it's not something major. I would say that you might want more references for the first paragraph of the section about the accident, but other than that, I don't think there are any immediate problems.  Chevy  monte  carlo  09:42, 22 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Skilly999/Tony Bailie - Author
Hi, I have added a few references to this page, showing links from reviewers of Mr. Bailies work - I hope that this is sufficient to enable this page to go live. If not could you please advise me on how to make this article go live.

Many Regards

Mark Skillen

Skilly999 (talk) 13:57, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

Skilly999 (talk) 13:57, 20 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Reviews are not considered sufficient enough to establish notability; according to the policy, "Significant coverage is more than a trivial mention but it need not be the main topic of the source material." The way to move a page into the main namespace when it is ready (this one is not yet) is as follows: At the top of the screen (next to the watchlist star) is a drop-down; select Move from that menu. Enter the name of the destination (in this case,  (note the formatting of the title; the specification "Author" is only needed if there is an existing article of the same name) and enter a reason for the move (such as moving to the main namespace). Then click Move.
 * Hope this helps. -- Bk314159 (Talk to me and find out what I've done) 01:53, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Wikipedia page on Samuel Hibben
Summary of article: Biography of Samuel Hibben, lighting engineer for Westinghouse Company. Hibben designed the lighting of the Holland Tunnel, the Statue of Liberty, the Washington Monument, and several underground caverns.

Hibbo83 (talk) 17:27, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * As the article is currently listed at WP:AFC someone will eventually look at your submission and review for you there. This page is really just for new articles that are in user spaces/just the main space, as there are other editors working on the articles at WP:AFC for you. I hope you understand. Chevy  monte  carlo  06:14, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Guinunez/Bettween
I would really appreciate feedback on this new article.

It was featured on the La Nacion newspaper, it is one of the 2 leading newspapers on Argentina and thats the main reason I though it was a good idea to add an article of it.

Thanks a lot!

Guinunez (talk) 17:58, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Hmmm, it's a nice start but I think perhaps you need to be more careful with the article's tone and style, as it's very easy to accidentally make an article just sound like an advertisement for the product or service. Chevy  monte  carlo  06:16, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Thanks a lot! I've changed several things, and I found an article of the printed version of the newspaper, so I added it. Am I going on the right path? Guinunez (talk) 19:14, 4 November 2010 (UTC)

Theodore W. Pietsch
I'm creating pages for extant famous organism biologist. I'd like this page to go "live" after some feed back. Thanks!

24.18.208.16 (talk) 18:37, 20 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Please ensure all the facts are covered by appropriate references; for example, it says Pietsch has named 62 species and nine genera of fishes, most of them lophiiform taxa, including the recently described Psychedelic Frogfish - and the reference given there seems to only say re. Frogfish, and not that he named 62 species.


 * Stick to facts, not opinions; He is recognized as an expert Perhaps his most intriguing work  etc.


 * Be careful about predicting - his first novel, The Curious Death of Peter Artedi: A Mystery in the History of Science, will be published by Scott & Nix, New York, in autumn 2010. - is there a reliable source stating that? If not, it looks promotional.


 * For the biblio, try to give ISBN numbers. It's probably better to use to format these in a more standard manner.  Chzz  ►  16:33, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

John F Sarwark
Please review this page. Thanks! Mark Ruthman

67.91.172.9 (talk) 20:30, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

Lamara Chkonia
AuthorAngelozi (talk) 20:41, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * A few things I noticed about the article.


 * The external links in the article, which are used as sources should be fixed per Citing sources. Importance: Major
 * The external links section looks a bit cluttered, and could use a little cleanup. Importance: Minor
 * You need to add file copyright details to the images in the article, or the images will likely be deleted. Importance: Major, if you want the images to be kept.

Other than that, the article looks like a good start. Fei noh a  Talk, My master 16:14, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

First time contributor and not sure about my references. But this author should be here. User:Swoooosh/Abe Gubegna
The proverb I have attributed to Abe Gubegna is widely distributed as "Unknown" or "Anonymous" which led me to research the source. Most mentions of Abe Gubegna are in a language foreign to me, but though he is sparingly mentioned, he is usually mentioned as "famous." He and his works were supposedly banished from his native country of Ethiopia. My research is limited to the English language and the internet.

My question is this - are the references I list good enough to post the article and hope for further edits in the future? This is my first new article to Wikipedia.

Thank you.

Swoooosh (talk) 21:16, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * None of your references are formed properly. Check out Referencing for beginners.


 * Your first one is a link to another part of Wikipedia. I don't know how to do this properly, but the instructions are not in the link above, they are Help:Interlanguage links}here


 * Your third link looks like some some sort of aggregator, can you find the direct link?-- SPhilbrick  T  23:55, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

User:CAMiller62/Winterizing a swimming pool
Finalizing the draft of article on how to prepare a swimming pool for winter/off season. Pls review and provide feedback for me to incorporate before publishing. Thanks!

Casey Miller, Dallas, TX 21:53, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately, I have bad news. You should read What Wikipedia is not in particular, WP:NOTHOWTO explaining that this is not for "how to" articles.--  SPhilbrick  T  22:43, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

Perfect Web Technologies, Inc. v. InfoUSA, Inc.
Hello, I just created a new article (my first) on a federal circuit case regarding obviousness in patent law. I'm not a lawyer but I wanted to make sure I hit upon all the important points. Thanks in advance.

Mervin7 (talk) 22:40, 20 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Looks pretty good but a few comments:
 * Remove space between punctuation and references
 * You have some bare links, for example, the link to google patent Check out Cite Patent
 * I didn't follow why you refer to it as the '400 patent, or '400 patent' Unless that is the standard terminology, I didn't like it.
 * Did you include a link to the decision? If you did I missed it. If you did not, I would expect one in the info box and in the main article. is this it? I can't get it to load at the moment, but I think it may be the right link.
 * The phrase "the presence of a long-felt need" reads awkwardly to me. I'm not quite sure what it means, and I'm not sure it is properly constructed as an example of a factual dispute.-- SPhilbrick  T  23:42, 20 October 2010 (UTC)