Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 21

Liwumi/Ecco2corp
Liwumi (talk) 01:48, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Do you have a specific question about the topic? We're not mind readers here.  Fei noh a   Talk, My master 02:42, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I left a suggestion at your talk page-- SPhilbrick  T  12:40, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Michael R. Fuljenz
I wrote this article for Michael Fuljenz. He's a prominant numismatitist. I documented his early life as well as his publishings and accomplishments in his profession.

AHonerkamp (talk) 02:10, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Ill just be brief with a few points. I found the biography interesting (especially early life). It needs a bit of clean up throughout the article especially the introduction section. That should explain a summary of the article basically. Most paticularily it needs in line citations throughout the article. Since we are dealing with a BLP (See WP:BLP) the article demands more referencing throughout (ie foot notes). The article is promising but those fixes would definately be good starts for it. Ottawa4ever (talk) 18:30, 21 October 2010 (UTC)

Deb Filler
Please edit this article about this well known person whose groundbreaking work straddled humour and the holocaust for the first time. Later Maus and Life is Beautiful covered similar territory but her work, as seen on PBS is deftly handled.

ZFILMS (talk) 05:12, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * You need to add more reliable sources to the article, other than just the one Amazon page. Chevy  monte  carlo  10:55, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

Central Plan Scheme Monitoring System (CPSMS)
I need a review to confirm that the article conforms to the wikipedia rules and ideologies, that I have attempted to follow to the best of my knowledge and ability. Many thanks for your time and concern!!

Dsharma2 (talk) 08:02, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * It's a decent start, but the 'Why CPSMS' section is basically just an advertisement for the company. Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone and not sound like advertisements. Also I think you should try and add more links as well if you can. Chevy  monte  carlo  10:57, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Clnatinfront/INFRONT SPORTS %26_MEDIA
I would be very pleased to receive feedback on my article. I'm new to this and would like to publish it now as i hope it is substantiated with the references and links I have included. Any ideas on how to improve it before i publish are welcome.

Many thanks

Clnatinfront (talk) 11:31, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * You need to use sections to separate your sections properly, instead of using the capital letter/bold font you have currently. Also, as per WP:CITE other Wikipedia articles cannot be used as a reference for articles, so please remove those references. Chevy  monte  carlo  10:59, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
 * See Article Layout for help.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:53, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

Andrew Lumsden %28scientist%29
Andrew Lumsden is a prominent British Neurobiologist. He is a Fellow of the Royal Society and a highly cited author. I was hoping that someone could review this page so that it becomes fully accepted. Thank you!

KathleenWL (talk) 12:28, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Excellent start with your new article! However, I do think you might want to add some names to the references, like this:

It's just a very minor thing, but it just gives the reader a better idea of what the link is about, rather than just a bare URL. Chevy monte  carlo  11:01, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

Joey Allcorn
This is a page for alternative country musician Joey Allcorn. Please review it and let me know what you think. Cheers, Dr. Magnifico

Dr. Magnifico (talk) 14:46, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * It's a good start but I think you need to actually include some web links into the references, if you can. As well as this, perhaps you might want to add an infobox. Finally, if you're ever going to maybe expand the article a bit more you should add some sections to break the article up and keep everything neat and nicely ordered. Chevy  monte  carlo  11:07, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

Swimming Induced Pulmonary Edema
I just posed this article but can't figure out how to straighten up the references, which are re-quoted in several spots and keep going up in number. Some kind user did it for me last night on a partial set I'd reformatted, but there are many yet to go. Any assistance would be most appreciated.

Sipe21 (talk) 16:13, 21 October 2010 (UTC)


 * It looks like has worked on this already.


 * I'll add some advice on your own user talk page.  Chzz  ► 16:09, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Webmasterera/ERA Technology Ltd
Hi,

For this initial draft of the article I have added a description of ERA Technology and an outline of its history and relationships to other organisations, and I have supported some of the historical events with external references from independent news websites.

I plan to develop the article further and add more information about the influence this company has had on many areas of technology and engineering (along with more supporting references), but I will wait to confirm the article will be accepted before I continue.

Thanks,

Luke Toyer

Webmasterera (talk) 16:22, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
 * It's a good start, but I think you need to add more references to the article. Chevy  monte  carlo  10:53, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

www.orchestratoronto.ca
The article is about Orchestra Toronto, its mandate and its history Shelley Robertson

ShelleyRobertson (talk) 16:29, 21 October 2010 (UTC)


 * User:ShelleyRobertson/Orchestra Toronto


 * It needs references to reliable sources e.g. newspaper articles; see WP:VRS.


 * For how to add them, see WP:REFB.


 * See also wP:YFA.  Chzz  ► 16:12, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

Double Irish Arrangement
I think this is an important underrepresented subject that requires help from some legal, tax and trade experts. Essentially, most major corporations use a specialized form of transfer pricing, known as the "Double Irish Arrangement" to offload their entire tax burden to a tax haven elsewhere. While this isn't new, this particular form has become very popular, difficult to prosecute and is largely the reason why major multinationals are now paying virtually no taxes in their origin country.

Diegoboten (talk) 17:18, 21 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Due to the inadequate references, this looks like original research; the facts need to be verifiable. If, you you say, it hasn't been publicised much then it might not be appropriate for Wikipedia; as an Encyclopaedia, we only document things that other people have already written about; see WP:VRS.  Chzz  ► 16:14, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

ACP Rail International
Can someone review my article? Moved it from a subpage to mainspace.

Acprail (talk) 23:57, 21 October 2010 (UTC)


 * It is not neutral, and somewhat advert-like; for example an established world leader - according to whom? Known for being the exclusive, global BritRail distributor - who knows them for this? Please see WP:NPOV.


 * It needs independent, reliable sources. The WP:ONESOURCE is not enough.


 * See also WP:BFAQ.  Chzz  ► 16:19, 23 October 2010 (UTC)