Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 25

Comp_uter Gaming
Would just like to see what you guys think of it.

Comp uter15776 (talk) 07:34, 25 October 2010 (UTC)


 * It seems you have a conflict of interest, so we recommend against writing about that organization; see WP:BFAQ.


 * Also, it is not neutral, and has no references to reliable sources. It is essay-like, and constitutes original research, which is not permitted.


 * Please refer back to WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 20:37, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Marie Jamora
Yufabrainstorm (talk) 08:45, 25 October 2010 (UTC)


 * The article Marie Jamora has no references, and therefore it might be deleted; you must use appropriate, independent reliable sources to show notability - please see WP:VRS, WP:BIO and WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 20:40, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

MultiDendrograms
This is a new entry on a software for hierarchical clustering. Just need to know if it fulfills the Wikipedia standards, and remove the "new unreviewed article" template. Sgj67 (talk) 08:59, 25 October 2010 (UTC)


 * One reference is not enough to show notability; you need to use multiple, independent reliable sources so that all the facts can be verified.  Chzz  ► 20:42, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Aaron Atayde
Yufastormchaser (talk) 09:41, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Please do not make multiple requests for the same article, unless you have made some changes since then. It may take some time for you to get some feedback because we're all volunteers, and not online all the time. I hope you understand. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:39, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Aaron Atayde
Yufastormchaser (talk) 09:46, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * As the various tags at the top of the article say, the article has no references. You need to add reliable, third-party references, if you can. The best way to display these references is by using footnotes, but please do ask if you have any questions or need some help. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:46, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Jove Francisco
Yufastormchaser (talk) 10:41, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * The article has been tagged for deletion, as it has no references. Please try and add some reliable, third-party references to the article, otherwise the article will eventually just be deleted. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:52, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Sapul!
Yufastormchaser (talk) 10:46, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Please don't make multiple requests per day for the same article. I hope you understand. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:47, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Sapul!
115.147.192.133 (talk) 10:49, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I've reviewed the article just above here. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:55, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

ERA Technology Ltd
I have acted on previous moderator feedback and added additional references from notable independent news sources, I now believe that this article is ready to progress from draft version to live article.

Webmasterera (talk) 10:57, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * It's a nice draft, although I think you need to add more links, as I've tagged it as an orphan at the moment. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:50, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

User:76.93.184.15/Alexander A. Balandin
Jkhan001 (talk) 13:55, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I've made some corrections to the links (if that's okay), and although you're certainly not lacking in references I do think you should maybe consider adding an infobox. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:36, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Rima Das
I am seeking feedback on this biography/article, or now I can improve it.

Rima das 25 (talk) 14:55, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I've made a few, although very minor, improvements. One suggestion I do have is that you perhaps use footnotes to display your references. If you need any help with that, please let me know. Also, I think you need to be careful with the article's tone and language style of your article. Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone and not sound like advertisements. Hope this is useful. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:31, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Apostol Trpeski
Hi, I need your feedback, so the unreviewed article template can be removed. Thanks for your contribution.

Pigulina (talk) 15:02, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * As it stands at the moment the article really has no references. You need to add suitable references to the article, otherwise it will just get deleted for lack of references. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:23, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Lars Georg Svensson, M.D.
MeganHet (talk) 15:03, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I can't seem to find the article anywhere. Are you sure that link is correct? Chevy  monte  carlo  15:19, 25 October 2010 (UTC)


 * There was a problem with the link, because it had a dot on the end; hence Lars Georg Svensson, M.D. fails. It works if you add an underscore, Lars Georg Svensson, M.D._.


 * However, I have moved it to the more correct title of Lars Georg Svensson, per WP:MOSTITLE.


 * There are problems outlined at the top of the article; also there are lots of unreferenced claims;

He has been instrumental in developing minimally invasive keyhole surgery

He has also held academic appointments including Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery at the Veterans Administration Hospital in Houston; Clinical Instructor in Surgery at Harvard Medical School; Clinical Professor of Cardiothoracic Surgery at Tufts University in Boston; and Assistant Professor of Surgery at Baylor College of Medicine. He has been the recipient of numerous research grants and fellowships and has been listed in Who's Who in America, Who's Who in Science and Engineering, Who's Who in Medicine, Who's Who in the World, Who’s Who in Finance and Industry, and in Top Doctors.


 * These are examples only. All information needs to be verifiable. Anything that cannot be verified in a reliable source should be removed.  Chzz  ► 21:00, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Seanmurphy27/Build.com
I've done a few changes since the last round of comments. I was modeling this article after the article for Zappos.com, so I'm hoping it's pretty objective. I'd love to hear some feedback and how the article can be improved. Thank you!

Seanmurphy27 (talk) 17:01, 25 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Not neutral; it reads like an advert - e.g. The niche stores offer a unique buying experience.


 * Most of the facts are unreferenced. Don't look at random articles for comparison - WP:OTHERSTUFF - instead, look at good articles.


 * Do not use Wikipedia for promotion  Chzz  ► 20:45, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Joan Dye Gussow
Please review my article and let me know any suggested changes or feedback. Thank you.

Hummingbird3 (talk) 17:20, 25 October 2010 (UTC)


 * There are lots of unreferenced facts, e.g.

Born in 1928 in Alhambra, California, graduated from Pomona College in Claremont, California in 1950, with a BA (pre-medical) moved east to New York City. After seven years as a researcher at Time Magazine and five years as a suburban wife and mother, returned to school to earn an M.Ed and an Ed.D. in Nutrition Education from Columbia’s Teachers College.


 * Of those, perhaps the last is verifiable in the fourth reference - but the rest, I cannot verify.


 * All facts need appropriate reliable sources; anything that cannot be verified should be removed.


 * Also, be careful to be neutral - for example, a California landscape dominated by clear skies and her classic 1978 book (classic, according to who?).


 * There are too many external links - see WP:EL.  Chzz  ► 20:52, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Kootron/Computer-supported collaborative learning
Hello!

We are interested in getting feedback on our rewrite to the article on computer-supported collaborative learning.

Thank you.

Kootron (talk) 21:34, 25 October 2010 (UTC)

Alexander A. Balandin
Jkhan001 (talk) 21:53, 25 October 2010 (UTC)
 * In some ways, this is a very fine start. Many new editors struggle with the structure of references, and you have that down nicely. Many new editors omit references entirely, and that isn't a problem here.


 * However, there are some issues. Demonstrating Notability is important. While there are links to many papers, that's not enough. The article does say that at least one of the papers is highly cited, but we can't just say something we have to show it. Providing some evidence that papers have been highly citing will help enormously with notability.


 * There are also four awards listed. Awards can be helpful, but the awards are simply listed - there should be a reference so a reader can find evidence that the subject is actually the recipient of the awards. Dates of the awards is highly desirable.


 * A biography normally includes a birthdate and location if known.


 * Finally, all of the references are to papers or articles authored by Balandin. It would be very helpful to find examples of reliable sources discussing Baladin or Baladin's work.-- SPhilbrick  T  21:22, 27 October 2010 (UTC)

Lanner Group Ltd
Hi, I did requests for feedback during the draft stages and made updates as advised. I just moved this page into wikipedia and it needs reviewing - grateful for anyone who can look at it for me, MANY THANKS IN ADVANCE!

Sachab1 (talk) 00:03, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Looks pretty good, nice job. I removed the unreviewed template, hope you enjoyed it.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:47, 27 October 2010 (UTC)