Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 8

USER:HaloAsia/Timothy Oulton
I Would like your comments on my artcile. Many thanks Vinay

HaloAsia (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Hi there, and welcome.


 * It needed a bit of reformatting, which I've just done; mostly, only the article name at the start needs to be in  bold .


 * You should wikilink to other articles; for example, I put and  around the word  [[Manchester ]].


 * Avoid the 'colourful language' - stick to a neutral point-of-view. For example, his passion for furniture and design blossomed and Tim also attributes his inspiration and love are not appropriate.


 * You'll need to find better references, if you are going to show why this person is notable. The article on "outofaces.com" does not look like a reliable source.


 * You shouldn't have external links within the article itself, so I moved Timothy Oulton Brand to == External links ==


 * Above all, two very important things;


 * If you have a conflict of interest, be very careful. See WP:BFAQ, WP:BESTCOI.
 * Everything should be verifiable, using inline references to independent, reliable sources.

Cheers,  Chzz  ► 06:06, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

Staeta (Soy Milk)
The article has been edited according to Wikipedia guidelines and I think it is good to be in the live article space. I would like some feedback about the quality of the article. Sudeep88 (talk) 06:30, 8 October 2010 (UTC)
 * The article is already in the main space, if that's what you mean. I think the article is very good but be careful with the tone and Point Of View of the article; Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone and not sound like advertisements. Chevy  monte  carlo  17:29, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

S.A Ghafari (Iranian Commodity & FX Analyst)
Hello Chzz and thanks for your valuable help on this article. I added couple of new sources and cited some line that you said needs citation. would you please double check it now if it is alright. Thanks again and I appreciate your help.

Partovi (talk) 10:16, 8 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm obviously not Chzz but I can provide some more feedback if you so wish. I think the article needs to be separated out into sections, and also try and add some names to the external links if you can. Finally, I think you need to try and add more links to other Wikipedia articles, if you can. Hope this is helpful and I'm sorry I'm not Chzz ;) . Hopefully Chzz will be able to provide some more feedback here following your improvements :) Chevy  monte  carlo  17:33, 8 October 2010 (UTC)


 * I've spent some time tidying up the article, formatting it, and so on. Hopefully that will help. I'm still not sure that the person meets the notability requirements, as there are too few reliable sources.


 * However, I have done what I can, and I've removed some of the tags. I also moved it to simply S.A Ghafari - there was no need for the details in brackets, because there is no other article with the same name. Cheers,  Chzz  ► 09:21, 9 October 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cghamel/Prior%27s_Field_School
I would like any general feedback as this is my first article and also any advice as to why my first image isn't showing - is it to do with the tag I've chosen? Many thanks

Cghamel (talk) 12:43, 8 October 2010 (UTC)


 * The picture was not showing because the file name was not quite right; you had Prior's Field School, Godalming.jpg instead of Prior's Field School, Godalming.JPG - notice the capital JPG; it is case-sensitive.


 * You should use the same reference several times, for the history section - at least one reference per paragraph. So even if it is all from that one book, you need to repeat the reference. You could use a 'named reference' for that;

Chzz was born in 1837.

Chzz lives in Footown.

Note that the second usage has a / (and no closing ref tag). This needs a reference section as above; please see user:chzz/demo/namedref to see the result.


 * "Architecture", "Garden Inspired by Gertrude Jekyll", "Centenary", "Notable Alumni" and "Admission" need references too, and various other bits.


 * "Fees" should be removed, I think; it'll change too soon, and also it's not really encyclopaedic information.


 * Don't put images on the left, at the start of sections; put them on the right instead. Otherwise it is hard to read, because the text left margin keeps moving around. See WP:MOSIMAGE.


 * "Information" is best just written out, in sentences, instead of as a bullet-point list. I think most of the information is duplicated anyway.  Chzz  ► 16:48, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

Ray Lucia
This is new article about financial planner, author, radio and television host, Ray Lucia. Last year he was named one of the "100 Most Important Radio Talk Show Hosts in America." I am technical director for his television show, so would like the article to be checked by an unaffiliated editor. (As an aside, please see the Wikipedia:Conflict of interest page which reads, "Editors with COIs are strongly encouraged—but not actually required—to declare their interests, both on their user pages and on the talk page of the related article they are editing, particularly if those edits may be contested... When someone voluntarily discloses a conflict of interest, other editors should always assume the editor is trying to do the right thing. Do not use a voluntarily disclosed conflict of interest as a weapon against the editor.") Thank you!

Andihazelwood (talk) 17:37, 8 October 2010 (UTC)


 * I removed the "®" - we don't like those in articles.
 * Ref. 1 does not state date-of-birth. Is there a reference for it, ie is it verifiable? If not, remove it. All info needs a reference. This might sound harsh, but...what if someone else changes the date? How can we tell which is correct?
 * As ref 1 is a primary source, it shouldn't be used for non-neutral claims, such as "Certified Financial Planner, Registered Investment Advisor" - perhaps you can find other, more appropriate references for those claims
 * YouTube is not a reliable source. Is this video actually available on DVD, published? If not, it can't really be used.
 * "Writing" has no references
 * "In addition to his own show, Lucia has appeared on..." has no references
 * The sections are a bit short; they should have about 2-3 paragraphs in each, so consider merging some
 * I suggest removing names of wife and children, please see WP:NPF. They might not want their names on Wikipedia, and consider if knowing their names helps us understand the subject - it doesn't, really.
 * Add some more wikilinks within the body; not too many, but some. Things that help us follow it. For example, Palomar College, Investment broker (if that is the best one? have a look in Broker).

Hope that helps; I appreciate your honesty over COI, so if this sounds harsh, please don't take it that way; it's suggestions for improvement; I'm always v neutral, regardless of topic or COI.

If you like, give me a shout after addressing those concerns and I can remove the 'unreviewed' tag, if someone else does not do it. Cheers,  Chzz  ► 04:16, 12 October 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Narasimhanator/Anokha_Amrita
Creating an article. The stub message can be added if necessary. added press coverage to references to increase and satisfy reliable source requirement.

Anirudh Ranganath 18:33, 8 October 2010 (UTC)


 * It would need more independent, reliable sources before it could be made live; see WP:VRS, WP:CORP.


 * The long list of 'events' is inappropriate, see WP:NOTDIR.


 * Be careful about WP:CRYSTAL, and please read WP:BFAQ. Cheers,  Chzz  ► 04:18, 12 October 2010 (UTC)

MANU JONES
IF SOME HAS SOME MORE RELIABLE AND PROPER CITED SOURCES FOR THE PAGE, CAN PLEASE HELP ME TO IMPROVE THIS PAGE?

IF YOU COULD FIND ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE CAN PLEASE NOTIFY ME OF THAT ?

Puneetarora30 (talk) 19:25, 8 October 2010 (UTC)


 * (presumably re. User:Puneetarora30/Enter your new article name here)


 * Although we can help with most things, we cannot help make something 'notable'


 * Before you start to write an article, you need to find references - newspaper articles, magazines, or whatever. If you cannot find several of those, then the company may not be notable.


 * Please, also, read WP:BFAQ, WP:CORP and WP:YFA.  Chzz  ► 04:03, 12 October 2010 (UTC)