Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 September 12

User:Facade_concrete/TV_Buddhas
Is the subject of this article notable? Thank you in advance.

Facade concrete (talk) 02:20, 12 September 2010 (UTC)  ℳ ono   15:46, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Hello! The subject of the article appears to be notable; the criteria for bands are found here. Some stuff to do:
 * Move the stub tag just below the
 * Remove the spaces between the references.
 * Remove the citation needed, as there is a reference there.

Thank you for the quick response! I improved the article as proposed by you. Facade concrete (talk) 22:24, 18 September 2010 (UTC)

User:LIV%27art/LIV%27art_Dance_Studio
LIV&#39;art (talk) 09:14, 12 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Article deleted as advert; user blocked for username violation.  Chzz  ► 07:32, 16 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Kripan/Brigadier_Mark_Pillai
Is this an appropriate article for Wikipedia? Mark Pillai was the first Allied officer to escape from Singapore in 1942. He wrote his manuscript in the 1960's but his narrative was classified secret for 50 years. Eventually his manuscript was checked and published in 2009.

Kripan (talk) 09:57, 12 September 2010 (UTC)


 * It sounds like all the information comes from a single source, which causes problems; articles need several reliable sources to show notability. You can use inline references to show which facts come from which source. See also WP:VRS, WP:GNG.  Chzz  ► 07:35, 16 September 2010 (UTC)

Biate (tribe)
Hi there, I have just uploaded an article on one of the lessknown tribe of North-east India, the Biate tribe. Very few articles and researches has been done on the tribe. This tribe has a long history with rich traditional culture and customs, but with modernisation their culture and customs are being corroded from the community. Therefore this article which is a part of a long drawn research has been uploaded for the general mass to access and get aquainted with this unique tribe. I would be glad if I can get feedbacks which would definately help in making the article better. Ezralalsim10 (talk) 12:21, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * External links to on-line reference material. NB. We do not use external link format to link to Ava. &mdash; RHaworth 19:07, 12 September 2010 (UTC)

Kindle_Banking_Systems
Stiofan.walsh (talk) 13:50, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Try and add some sections to the article, like this:



Early life
which would create a section with 'Early life' as the name. Also, please try and find some references and add them to the article, preferably using inline citations to display them as it's the best way. If you need help with any of this, please send me a message. Finally, please try and make the article more neutral in tone. Wikipedia articles aren't supposed to sound like advertisements - phrases like 'Kindle is regarded as a remarkable company', 'to over 200 banks located in over 80 countries worldwide' and 'for many years' are examples of this, so please either remove, rewrite or verify these statements with a suitable reference. Thanks. Chevy monte  carlo  19:06, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Gladhat/Amnon_David_Ar
Hi, this is the first wiki page I've made. I've done my best to abide by all the guidelines. Please let me know if its ok. The one thing that looks a bit weird to me is how the sources appear at the bottom of the page.... I might have done something wrong with the tags...?

Gladhat (talk) 14:50, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * No, the 'sources' (or references) you mention are supposed to appear there in a neat list like that. If you take a look at pretty much any other article, you'll see it's the same :-) Also, you don't need a section header for the opening section, so I removed that as well. Other than that, I don't think there's that much you need to improve. It's very well written.  Chevy  monte  carlo  19:02, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

Joshua Ozersky
I would very much appreciate someone approving this unreviewed article. Many thanks.

Sweetlaurieh (talk) 15:00, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Excellent job with the formatting and organisation in the article! I can see you understand how it all works ;-) I would say try and make the opening paragraph maybe a bit shorter, just to make it easier to read. Opening paragraphs are supposed to summarise the article's subject, and really be short and snappy. Other than that, I think the article is great!  Chevy  monte  carlo  18:58, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

AIESEC_Lahore
There is a notification about how this page is an advertisement and that it should be rewritten from a neutral point of view. Can you identify which portions or how exactly it is like an advertisement? Also, can someone please review it generally and approve it? Thankyou

115.186.48.193 (talk) 16:52, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * There are many examples of phrases in the article that really make it just sound like an advertisement - 'the world’s largest student-run organization', 'AIESEC in Lahore has seen a 100% growth rate', and 'The look of joy and gratitude that you get when that one piece of paper saying “Visa Granted” is seen is what makes the Outgoing Exchange Department alive' are all dubious phrases that really either need to be removed, rewritten or verified with a suitable reference. You don't actually have any suitable references, so please try and add some. Chevy  monte  carlo  18:55, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Thunderbird62/Karl_Johann_Kiessling
This is only my second Wikipedia contribution. Please check for conformity to Wikipedia standards for style. Or any other improvements. Thank you.

Thunderbird62 (talk) 18:29, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You definitely need to add reliable references to your article, preferably using footnotes to display them correctly (although I can help you with that; please contact me if this is the case). Also, consider adding an infobox. I hope all of this is useful, but please contact me if you have any questions, comments or problems regarding my suggestions. Thanks. Chevy  monte  carlo  18:51, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

HotChaCha is an all-girl rock band from Cleveland, Ohio. This is the first article I created.
Bvulpitta (talk) 23:58, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Great job on your first article! You have demonstrated an excellent grasp of the wikification process pertaining to layout and readable prose. However, at this point, the subject lacks notability, as reflected in significant coverage in reliable sources, that are independent of the subject. While there are several sources provided, they primarily include local media coverage, or media of limited interest and circulation, which does not support notability. See WP:LOCAL. The external links are also not the best, as reflected in WP:ELNO. See WP:BAND. Take a look at the list of 12 guidelines pertaining to notability of musicians. If you see something that relates to the background of the band, make sure to include it in the article, providing a reference to a reliable source that supports the claim. Other than all this, don't let the process discourage you. Just keep doing what you're doing. Great start! Cindamuse (talk) 13:55, 15 September 2010 (UTC)