Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 September 21

User:Evertrap/Eldred_Nathaniel_Woodcock
A short biography of author, trapper and hunter, Eldred Nathaniel Woodcock of Potter County, Pennsylvania.

Evertrap (talk) 02:27, 21 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Consider adding an infobox, perhaps some sections and maybe try and add some more web references if you can. Chevy  monte  carlo  06:37, 24 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Sachab1/Lanner_Group_Ltd
Hi, I've edited articles before and this is my first attempt at my own article. It's about a company that has led the software simulation modeling and optimization field since the late 1970s developing and marketing the world's first visual interactive simulation tool. Grateful for feedback. Also, what do I do once I have feedback and I've implemented it? Best wishes, Sachab1 (talk) 08:42, 21 September 2010 (UTC)
 * There are a few things:

If you need any help with anything, please send me a message. Thanks! Chevy monte  carlo  06:40, 24 September 2010 (UTC) __________________
 * Try and make the article's tone and language style more neutral. Wikipedia articles aren't supposed to sound like advertisements. See WP:TONE and WP:POV for more information.
 * Try and add a few more links if you can.
 * Fix the categories. At the moment most of the categories you've got don't exist, so try and add some categories to the page that do actually exist.

Many thanks, now added some more links, references, rejigged the text so the tone is more formal sounding and corrected the categories. Grateful for any more feedback before I go live! Best,

Sachab1 (talk) 18:51, 24 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Teojs/DP Architects
Hi, I'm trying to improve this article User:Teojs/DP Architects to have a more formal tone expected of an encyclopedic article, and also to have a neutral point of view and not use terms meant to show off the subject. This company I'm writing about has been extensively covered in print media and I'm surprised that no one has written about this company so I thought I would try and do a piece on them. I had been using terms used by print media in describing the company, which I have come to realize is inappropriate for an encyclopedic article. Appreciate any comments or advice so that I can better improve my writing style. Thanks. Teojs (talk) 10:12, 21 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I have two general suggestions for improvement:
 * It is currently very choppy, because there isn't a single paragraph with more than a single sentence. Take a look at some other articles, especially good articles or Featured articles.
 * Kudos for the large number of references, which is the usual bane of new editors, but most are bare links. The article could be improved with a better citation style. See Referencing for beginners -- SPhilbrick  T  22:45, 24 September 2010 (UTC)

The_William_Ruth_Mansion_House,_Leipsic,_Delaware
Please take a look at my article. This is about a historic house in Delaware. It is the first Wikipedia article I have written. I am an architect and architectural historian and have written papers and books previously, but this process has been a real learning curve for me! Thank you! Anthonyojames (talk) 14:34, 21 September 2010 (UTC)


 * The article is quite short and the references need attention. Have you considered combining this article with Leipsic, Delaware which also needs expanding?--Ykraps (talk) 21:59, 21 September 2010 (UTC)


 * I did a little formatting for the references, but someone has to get the physical details of the land records (page numbers and such). Macoukji (talk) 07:40, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Mocha2007/Jmtb02&oldid=386116169
Please look at the article and tell me what you think.

Mocha2007 (talk) 15:39, 21 September 2010 (UTC)


 * The subject is probably not notable (see WP:Notability) and the sources are not reliable (see WP:Reliable sources).--Ykraps (talk) 22:06, 21 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You don't really have any reliable sources for the article, as Ykraps says, so please try and add some if you can, along with some links. Chevy  monte  carlo  18:50, 23 September 2010 (UTC)

IFF_(Community_Development_Financial_Institution)
Hi, This is an article I wrote about IFF, a nonprofit community finance development institution based in Chicago. The article contains a brief history, a description of the organization's departments, and details some of IFF's most important accomplishments and challenges. I thought this article would be good to make because there don't seem to be many articles about CDFIs, and IFF is the largest CDFI in the Midwest. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Robbo7089 (talk) 16:34, 21 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Unfortunately the sources are all from the company's own web site and so don't meet the criteria for reliable sources.--Ykraps (talk) 22:16, 21 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Also a lot of the article just seems to sound like an advertisement for the company/organisation. Chevy  monte  carlo  18:48, 23 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Rohandhaliwal/Jalwana
How will I know my article has been approved....

Rohandhaliwal (talk) 19:47, 21 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Usually articles don't get 'approved', they just get either deleted, tagged as having a few problems or just left alone. Your article hasn't been moved into the main space yet (I can assist with that if you need help - you can contact me!) so that's probably something you want to consider once you've got the article developed up to an acceptable level.


 * As to the article itself, it needs a lot of work. Try and add some sections, some decent references and finally some links if you can. I recommend that you probably work on the article first before moving it into the main space, personally, as it's likely to just get deleted for having no references if you do move it over - it's safe where it is currently in your user space. Chevy  monte  carlo  18:47, 23 September 2010 (UTC)

David_Schulhof
66.104.209.35 (talk) 20:52, 21 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Most of the article seems to just sound like an advertisement for this person. Please try and rewrite the article, or at least make some minor improvements, to make the article more neutral in tone. Also, try and add some names to the references, like this:

Example sentence. I hope you understand what I mean. Chevy monte  carlo  18:42, 23 September 2010 (UTC)

Lost Tracks
Just requesting a review of an initial article. This article has been up for about six months and still has the "unreviewed article" tag. Macoukji (talk) 07:09, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * It's a nicely constructed article, but try and add some more references. I've made a few minor improvements, including *finally* removing the unreviewed tag.  Chevy  monte  carlo  18:40, 23 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the help! :) Macoukji (talk) 14:57, 29 September 2010 (UTC)


 * All the articles about this artist need reliable sources, in English preferably. This one might do for a start: http://acharts.us/performer/anouk. --Ykraps (talk) 19:03, 23 September 2010 (UTC)


 * I've been struggling to integrate this reference, but honestly, it conflicts with the existing sources. Given that this source doesn't even include some of Anouk's albums, I'm inclined to dismiss it as non-authoritative on this topic.  I've also had issues finding credible sources in English on her.  The fact is that she's primarily a Dutch artist (in terms of popularity, I mean, not necessarily language), and not surprisingly, most credible sources about her are in Dutch. Macoukji (talk) 14:57, 29 September 2010 (UTC)