Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 September 22

Kevin Stillmock
thanks for feedback

Atmnets (talk) 08:03, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * The article's coming along really well! Other than the issues raised by those two tags, I don't really think there is anything else you need to do. Chevy  monte  carlo  18:24, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

Roger Shah presents Sunlounger - The Beah Side of Life (Studio Album)
Hey There. When I created the site I misspelled the title of the album as you can see..'The BEAH Side of Life'...would you please change it to 'Roger Shah presents Sunlounger - The Beach Side of Life (Studio Album)'??

URL: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger_Shah_presents_Sunlounger_-_The_Beah_Side_of_Life_(Studio_Album)

Cheers Marius

MariusEJ (talk) 08:10, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I've moved it to The Beach Side of Life (Studio Album), as I thought the original title was too long as well as having that spelling mistake. Is that okay? I've made a few improvements, but overall I think it is a very nice article. However, try and add some references to the article, preferably using inline citations to display them correctly. If you need any help with that, please send me a message. Thanks! Chevy  monte  carlo  18:31, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Solomonwise/Invest Collab
Is this page ready to go live?

Solomonwise (talk) 08:48, 22 September 2010 (UTC)


 * The short answer: no.
 * The long answer: This article looks like it suffers from a lack of notability and needs more independent reliable sources. If I saw this on new page patrol, I would probably tag it as speedy deletion under criterion A7: no indication of importance or significance. -- Bk314159 (Talk to me and find out what I've done) 23:11, 12 October 2010 (UTC)

Crofton Design Please review my new wikipedia page.
Hello all,

I would be grateful if you could review my page and provide feeback for improvement.

Croftondesign (talk) 08:56, 22 September 2010 (UTC)


 * 21:49, 22 September 2010 Malik Shabazz deleted "Crofton Design" ‎ - A7 Article about a company, corporation, organization, or group which does not indicate the importance or significance of the subject


 * User blocked (WP:UNAME)  Chzz  ► 17:56, 25 September 2010 (UTC)

Eleanor Norcross
Hello- Please check this page out for me. Thank you.

Riceflan (talk) 12:58, 22 September 2010 (UTC)


 * The references are problematic.
 * JStor is a repository of periodicals published elsewhere and your JStor references does not have the titles/authors/pages/dates plus it is a dead link.
 * The 'members.cox.net' website/webpage is not attributed, there doesn't seem to be any editorial oversight.
 * Ref #4 seems to be incomplete - no page numbers, place of publication, etc.
 * Also, some of the assertions are not neutral and are not sourced.
 * "Full of grace and charm" How does one know that?  Was Ms.Norcross written up in the society pages of the day, are her compatriots on record as saying so?)
 * "a well-known figure in the Women's Liberation movement" is unreferenced plus the movement's term is mischaracterized in this sentence. In that era, it was probably most often called "Women's Suffragist movement" or something similar.  "Women's Liberation' is a term much more common to the 1970s era.  :Basically, you need to prove all your assertions (that you might know are true) to the casual reader.
 * Take a look at the following Wikipedia articles, they should be very helpful:
 * Verifiability
 * Citing sources
 * Your first article --- Hope this helps, Shearonink (talk) 19:49, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

Piping Technology
Please review my new article and provide your valuable feedback! I would greatly appreciate it.

SylvIba (talk) 13:37, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't think you need to list all the products that the company makes; it makes the article sound more like an advertisement. Chevy  monte  carlo  06:42, 24 September 2010 (UTC)

New unreviewed article/Better Things (2008 film)
Hi there, please could you have a look at this page and let me know if (and how) i can make it go live on the site. Thanks.

Northandy (talk) 15:44, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * The article has since been moved into the main space, so it's already 'live'. Try and add some names to the references, just to give a better indication of what the website is about. You can do it like this:

This is an example sentence. Chevy monte  carlo  06:45, 24 September 2010 (UTC)

Talib al-Habib
Black Jinn (talk) 16:05, 22 September 2010 (UTC)


 * This has been deleted, several times, as a copyright violation. Do not copy from other websites. See WP:COPYRIGHT, WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 18:02, 25 September 2010 (UTC)

User:DM Jolly/DMACSAwards
Hello, I'd appreciate some feedback again on this article. I've followed previous advice, moved it to a name more closely associated with my own, and have taken steps to make sure it is written more neutrally and would love to hear your input on the article. Thank you so much!

DM Jolly (talk) 16:17, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Vhdph/HiFi Superstar
This is a new article on a multiple award winning band and am looking for any input/help you can offer. -Thanks

Vhdph (talk) 16:35, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

Forest Eireann
Page about a new pro-tobacco lobbying group.

Eamonnca1 (talk) 17:55, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Barbreuer/ResoundingJoyInc
Please let me know if I can make this page go live. Thank you!

Barbreuer (talk) 18:20, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

Before you go live, I would rewrite so it doesn't read like an ad. Part of this would be removing the part about "What is music therapy?" Instead, link your article to the existing Wikipedia Article on Music therapy. In general, you need more links to other articles. Also, you need more references from objective third-party sources like newspapers and newsmagazines, like this article in the San Diego Union-Tribune: http://www.signonsandiego.com/uniontrib/20071219/news_1mi19music.html User:Thelema12|Thelema12]] (talk) 19:55, 23 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Jgerdom/Red Hen Systems
Please help with reference linking, I checked the articles on how to and I guess I didn't understand them. Please also verify validity- I feel this article is valid as this company seems to be a a pioneer in aerial video, a growing field (I'm studying this subject).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aerial_video (how I discovered the company)

Thanks!!

Jgerdom (talk) 18:25, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

User:NCWM/National Conference on Weights and Meaures (NCWM)
I am trying to move this article so it becomes live. I followed all the steps that were described. I thought I was to create a draft first and then once I had made all the changes, I would then make it live. Can't seem to figure out how to do that.

NCWM (talk) 19:33, 22 September 2010 (UTC)


 * User:Fuhghettaboutit has sorted out a lot of the article's format problems and fixed the references, but it's still a long way from being a viable Wikipedia article. Pretty much every single reference is to the NCWM's own website, which is OK for simply verifying factual stetements about what the organisation does, but does not confirm its notability.  In addition, the text reads in parts like a promotional brochure, not like a neutral encyclopaedia article.  This is explained when you compare the text to the NCWM's website contents - large chunks of it have been imported into the article with very minimal changes ("we" to "they" and so on).  This is completely unacceptable, per WP:COPYVIO.  Your username leads me to believe that you are connected with the NCWM, so you have a serious conflict of interest when writing about the organisation.  The name also breaches the site's username policy, since it implies you are operating a role account whereas Wikipedia accounts must be attributable to individual users only.  I would strongly recommend that you change your username, and I'll have a closer look at the text of your draft to see where material breaches copyright and may need to be rewritten or deleted.   Ka renjc 21:39, 26 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I've blanked the three sections where the copyvio is extensive and unequivocal, with a link to the copyrighted source text for reference. There are other cut-and-paste sentences in the article, but they are in sections that are not overall direct copies from the original. I know it's frustrating, but article text must be the original work of the author (or be properly donated) and must never be copied straight into Wikipedia from a copyrighted source, even if the person doing the copying believes they have permission or authority to do so.  You're welcome to rewrite the material in your own words and re-add it; I'd suggest taking the opportunity to ensure the language and tone are neutral and encyclopaedic and adding external references. Both these actions will improve the article's chances as and when it gets into the mainspace.  Ka renjc 22:17, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

American Dental Society of Anesthesiology
How is this?

Adsachicago (talk) 20:55, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * At the moment, all your references are just bare links. Adding names to the references help the reader get an idea of what the site's about. For example:

This is an example sentence! So try and add some names to those references. Also, try and add some links to other Wikipedia articles, and finally try and make the article's tone and language style more neutral - Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone and not sound like advertisements. I hope you can understand. Chevy monte  carlo  - alt 08:27, 25 September 2010 (UTC)

Ken Costello
Please review this article. It was written with the consent of the subject and is unequivicolly accurate and authentic. Many thanks.

195.137.20.142 (talk) 21:07, 22 September 2010 (UTC)


 * That page was deleted as 'blatant advertizing' (WP:CSD).


 * I suggest you create an account, and also read the business FAQ.  Chzz  ► 18:04, 25 September 2010 (UTC)

Pivotal Payments
Hi, I would like to be sure the page does not violate Wikipedia guidelines and/or receive feedback about how to improve it. Thanks in advance

Socialpiv (talk) 21:41, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * In places, the article sounds like an advertisement for the company. Please try and make the article's ton and language style more neutral. Take a look at WP:TONE and WP:POV for more information. Also, try and add some more links to other Wikipedia articles, and finally try and add some names to the references, like this:

Example sentence in the article. I hope this is helpful. Chevy monte  carlo  - alt 08:23, 25 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Zanejobe/SPODDS
Hello, please comment on this page- it is meant to foster knowledge sharing and collaboration between people interested in deep-water sedimentary rocks. Much more information to be added to this site, including references to peer-reviewed articles, etc.

Zanejobe (talk) 21:56, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

The article needs some work. Firstly, it is not clear to a layman like me what SPODDS is. Yes it is an acronymn, but what is/are deep water depositional systems and why are energy companies interested in them? I'm guessing this is about sediments and the likelihood of finding oil but it needs to be explained in the article. Secondly, all your website links are dead. There are other issues but its probably best to sort these things first and then come back for more feedback. Good luck--Ykraps (talk) 19:03, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Shereetobias/Iskiate
Iskiate is becoming known all over the world. I am trying to help the name become synonymous with health and good fitness, as it was thousands of years ago by the Aztecs. Thank you for your time and help, Shereetobias

Shereetobias 22:22, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You need to show that this subject meets the Notability requirements (it is not the purpose of Wikipedia to help make a subject better-known, but to document subjects which already have good coverage.) You need to find coverage in reliable sources.-- SPhilbrick  T  22:51, 24 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Sachab1/Lanner Group Ltd - READY TO GO?
Hello, I posted this article for review a couple of days ago and I haven't received any feedback (positive or negative) as to whether or not the community thinks it's ready for posting. I would be very grateful if someone could let me know if they think it's a candidate for submission now or if it needs a couple of tweaks first. Many thanks :)

Sachab1 (talk) 22:29, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

At first glance your article appears to be well referenced but the references need to come from reliable sources (see WP:Reliable sources). Blogs and press releases don't count unfortunately. In addition a number of the web addresses are wrong or dead. Also, if possible, the 'instructions' to the reference should lead directly to the sentence you have referenced and not to a website the reader has to painstakingly search (I hope you understand what I mean by that). The references need formatting (see WP:Cite web and WP:Cite book). Other than that, the article seems to be in good shape.--Ykraps (talk) 07:44, 24 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Uberphipps/Winster.com
I would like this page to be review to determine if it is worthy of moving to the mainspace area.

thanks

Uberphipps (talk) 02:00, 23 September 2010 (UTC)

It appears to be well written and neutral but the article is desperately short of references and could do with a few more links(Silicone Valley and Facebook are two examples).--Ykraps (talk) 07:14, 24 September 2010 (UTC)
 * The article may not meet WP:WEB. - Reconsider  | speak  04:39, 27 September 2010 (UTC)


 * I added some additional references as requested on the mainspace page winster.com. I am not exactly sure what you meant by adding a silicon valley reference.  Please elaborate.  Additionally, I think the site is notable enough to be a wiki.  I will look for additional references later today to ease concerns.Uberphipps (talk) 17:39, 27 September 2010 (UTC)