Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 September 26

Dilys Elwyn-Edwards
Article on Dilys Elwyn-Edwards, Welsh contemporary composer. I have not been able to find composition dates for all of the works I listed. Is there a way to inquire if readers can supply the missing dates?

Jbirming (talk) 03:34, 26 September 2010 (UTC)


 * The 'External links' has to go last, after references, so I moved it.


 * For external links, you can make text into the actual link, instead of the URL - for example, putting This is Google makes: This is Google.


 * I reformatted the external links that way, e.g.

* Welsh Music Information Centre

...which appears as;


 * Welsh Music Information Centre


 * I have made those changes.


 * You can do the same for the references, to have the title as the link, e.g.

 born 19 August 1918 in Dolgellau


 * I've changed that one; you might want to do similar on the other links.


 * For help with the dates, I suggest asking in two places;


 * Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Music
 * Reference desk/Entertainment


 * I'm concerned that there are some parts without references, for example received the Open Scholarship in Composition from the Royal College of Music, an Eisteddfod adjudicator, appeared and performed on radio and television, BBC has commissioned a number of works, etc. as well as the whole 'music' section. All claims need a verifiable reliable source.


 * You might also like to add a Template:infobox person - see instructions there, and an example is User:Chzz/help/infobox.


 * Best of luck with it,  Chzz  ► 18:17, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

John Bradshaw Crandall
I'd like to rename this page Bradshaw Crandell as he dropped his first name. A redirect to from? John Bradshaw Crandell would work. Also would like to get some of his artwork on this page. Thank you in advance. I'm not sure how to read my feedback yet, so, if you don't get a reply, I do appreciate all efforts.

Cfdc49 (talk) 06:16, 26 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Usually other editors like me reply here with your feedback, and then sometimes notify you that we've replied with a talkback alert on your talk page. However, I can't seem to find the article that you want reviewed. On this page you're supposed to put a link to the article that you want removed in the section title at the top, where it says 'PUT TITLE HERE'. Chevy  monte  carlo  10:39, 26 September 2010 (UTC)


 * I found it - it was "John Bradshaw Crandell", and seems a non-controversial move, so I moved it to Bradshaw Crandell. The redirect from John Bradshaw Crandell was automatically created. Cheers,  Chzz  ► 17:52, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

✅

User:NEORaven667/Gory Boyz Production
NEORaven667 (talk) 13:17, 26 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Currently, it does not show why the group is notable - please see WP:VRS. You'd need to show coverage in e.g. newspaper articles. YouTube / MySpace / their own website are not reliable sources. You need to be extremely careful to keep a neutral point-of-view, and to stick to verifiable facts from reliable sources, due to your conflict of interest. Please read the business FAQ and WP:BESTCOI.  Chzz  ► 17:55, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cdematties/Tim_Conlon
I would like to seek feedback on my article about Tim Conlon (artist). There is currently a Tim Conlon on Wikipedia who is a Canadian actor.

Cdematties (talk) 19:23, 26 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Good start. I recommend you submit this article for peer-review. Read the guidelines there and submit the article. Be prepared to wait a while before it is reviewed as they have a backlog. They will get around to it --Senra (Talk) 21:34, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Zfish118/Professional Hockey In Connecticut
Need help integrating with other "main articles" about hockey in CT so that there is minimal overlap in content.

Zfish118 (talk) 19:38, 26 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Can you be a little more precise? Which other "main" articles? --Senra (Talk) 22:03, 26 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I think they mean related articles. Chevy  monte  carlo  18:07, 27 September 2010 (UTC)


 * I basically have a list of hockey teams with some commentary, and links to the "main article" for each team. Some of these articles have very little more than what I have provided, and wonder how much "redundancy" is appropriate.  Also I appreciate some comments about the post-whalers and NHL recruitment efforts.  These topics have been fairly contentious on the main Hartford Whalers page, and I haven't been able to get any real feed back of on the content, just had it summarily removed, with the recommendation that it might be more appropriate in an article about sports in Hartford, which direction I'm currently moving in with this article.Zfish118 (talk) 03:16, 28 September 2010 (UTC)
 * IMO I'd rather see things like Category:New Haven Nighthawks go away and be merged into a Category:Hockey in Connecticut. I doubt there is enough unique content for this topic that wouldn't be inclusive/better covered in the individual team articles. Best, Markvs88 (talk) 20:17, 28 September 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Bulldiser/2000_Pittsburgh_Panthers_football_team
I am writing my first Wikipedia article. I would like comments and guidance on making sure the article conforms to the rules and regulations. Also, any grammatical errors or sentence structure comments and suggestions would be appreciated. Any notable events that I missed and should be added?

Bulldiser (talk) 21:23, 26 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Although you have included references in this article, they are not of the correct format. Consider reading the articles references and reliable sources. Yes I know there is lots to read. Another way of gaining experience quickly is to examine other articles that are on a similar topic to your own. In this instance I would recommend looking at Michigan Wolverines football for example. See how the references in that example article are not attached to section headings like yours are. Anyway, have a crack, then drop me a line on my talk page and I will assist further --Senra (Talk) 21:43, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Wendyfables/Shelley Metz Baumann Hawk
Please review this article. Changes have been made, which included removing non-notable sources. I would like to move this to the main space.

Wendyfables (talk) 22:49, 26 September 2010 (UTC)


 * The 'history' section is unreferenced, and some other sections have unreferenced claims, including most of the 'Industry' section, and all of "Sustainable Design" and "AIA registered provider".


 * "Examples of green building and sustainable design" has no references.


 * One source is "http://bimboom.blogspot.com" which is not a reliable source.


 * The 'Associations' section has lots of 'references' to the website of the orgs, such as http://www.aiawv.org/ - but those do not help us verify the membership.


 * The list in "Area served" is not appropriate; see WP:NOTDIR.  Chzz  ► 03:04, 27 September 2010 (UTC)