Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 September 29

Mission Bell (Amos Lee album)
added entry explaining that Amos Lee is coming out with a new album, entitled Mission Bell]] ==

Just need someone else to read the link and independently verify that I'm not making crap up.

Jman8526 (talk) 00:52, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You might want to consider maybe adding the cover art as a 'proper' image, then you can add it to the infobox. Also, if you've got any references for the track listing that might be useful to add something there as well. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 16:21, 30 September 2010 (UTC)

I'm not sure how to add that as a proper image. I'd love to do it, but I just can't figure it out. The track listing is referenced in the other reference. I'll try to add that to the reference list.
 * You'll have to upload your images to Wikimedia Commons before you can put it on Wikipedia. However, it's quite complicated :-( Chevy  monte  carlo  09:25, 2 October 2010 (UTC)

Nicola Paone
I would appreciate someone reviewing my new article to remove the "un-reviewed article" alert box from the top. Nicola_Paone Thank you! - Mark

Fieroman88 (talk) 01:56, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Nice article.


 * I did remove the "unreviewed" template. A couple caveats:
 * Removing it is not confirmation that everything is OK. My hurdle is to check to see that it meets some minimal guidelines: has some sourcing, is acceptably organized, and the like. My removal of the template doesn't provide any "protection" against any other editor who might identify problems.
 * I specifically noted that the image used in the article matches the one used in one of the references. This is normally a red flag. I see that the image does include the appropriate copyright claim, but I am explicitly not taking the next step and ensuring that the person granting the license has the right to do so. I assume there are editors roving about looking into issues such as this, and it isn't my forte.
 * I see a number of statement that could use a citation. I think that many of the facts, such as birth date, are probably covered in the NYT obituary, but I cannot access that file at the moment. It would be wise to add a reference tot he first paragraph. It is generally considered acceptable (I think) to have a reference at the end of a paragraph covering facts in the paragraph, but a paragraph removed its too far away.-- SPhilbrick  T  23:13, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Justuswebmaster/701panduan
Hi all, do give me feedback on this first article of mine be it good or bad. I know the Malaysian online industry well & wonder if i can create more articles later, based on this article. thanks

justus webmaster (talk) 03:21, 29 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Hi,


 * I think the biggest issue with this article is that it does not show notability. I think that you should be able to correct this, without too much effort.  Find reliable sources which are independent of 701panduan - preferably sources that discuss the website quite a bit, such as a newspaper article about it.  Press releases by SPH and Star do not count as independent.  The comscore press release might count as one independent source, but you need more coverage than that.  A good place to start would be to look for coverage in newspapers not in the Asian news network.


 * Other things you might want to look at
 * The first sentence should say what 701panduan is, i.e., something like "701panduan is an online business directory based in Malaysia".
 * The best way to cite sources is with inline citation.


 * Yaris678 (talk) 18:09, 1 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Burbankvideo/Paul_Brule
Hello. This is my first Wikipedia article. It is about Canadian university football touchdown king Paul Brule, who set records in the 1960's that have still never been broken. I am looking for any constructive feedback on style, format and content. Thank you.

Burbankvideo (talk) 03:44, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

Starbase_Indy
Second time around. Added inline references and corrected bad links in sources, as well as adding some additional bits of information.

Janeway1701 (talk) 04:13, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Have made the same request on my talk, and I have answered there. Armbrust  Talk  Contribs  13:34, 1 October 2010 (UTC)

Vaishali Kasaravalli
Hi, I have added a new article for Vaishali Kasarvalli. Please review the article and provide feedback either in my user page talk or the page's discussion forum.

Ashok Bhat 06:51, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * The article has no references. Please try and add reliable references from third-party sources, preferably using inline citations to display the references. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 07:00, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

PLACE A LINK TO YOUR ARTICLE HERE
I do not understand What "PLACE A LINK TO YOUR ARTICLE HERE" Kindly guide me Drhemantvinze.

Drhemantvinze (talk) 07:29, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Place a link to the article that you want reviewed where it says at the top, or just in a comment below. That's what it means. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:13, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Please read Manual of Style, and you will see why you have blue dotted lines around most of your sentences. (In short, don't indent that way.)


 * You'll also need to read Referencing for beginners-- SPhilbrick  T  23:21, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Robinouze/Enter_your_new_article_name_here
I would like to move this article to mainspace, but I cannot find my way through all the pages for newcomers (and I am one...), so in addition to telling me if my article is okay, can someone tell me how I can do the move? Thanks in advance. Robinouze (talk) 08:27, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I will move it for you :-) BTW, in the future you can use the 'Move' tab at the top of the article ;-) The main problem with the article is that it's unreferenced. Please try and add links to reliable, third-party references (see WP:CITE), preferably using inline citations to display the references correctly. Chevy  monte  carlo  15:05, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I see no 'Move' tab anywhere. I don't know how to actually use references. Before you start thinking: "How stupid is that guy?", please know that WP is a barrage of information to me. Still learning, but still lost. Robinouze (talk) 09:06, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

User:TimChildHopeUk/ChildHope UK
I've written an article for a small children's charity called ChildHope UK. I did a bit of research to compare the content and links to a few other charities i.e. save the children. Most other do not have references and I'm struggling to think what bits to reference. I've linked out to www.childhope.org.uk as well as other relevant wiki links i.e. street children.

Are there any obvious mistakes or improvements I can make?

Hopefully your feedback will help improve the article and consequently enable the charity to raise awareness of the continued plight of vulnerable children worldwide.

Thanks

TimChildHopeUk (talk) 10:39, 29 September 2010 (UTC)


 * It has no references; see WP:VRS, WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 16:35, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Diarmaid83/Smurfit Art Collection
Diarmaid83 (talk) 11:29, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Meeting Notability requirements is important. You do have one, high quality reference. Is that it?
 * Your one reference is not formatted correctly. Please see Referencing for beginners.
 * Your external links are not formatted properly. WP:EL talks a lot about what is acceptable and what is not, but scroll down to How to link to see, well, how to link.
 * You've included bare links in some sections; the suggestions above will help.
 * That isn't the way to include a picture. See WP:IMAGE for help.-- SPhilbrick  T  14:43, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I now see that you had included the image, but it has been removed, so it isn't that you did it wrong. I have commented further on your talk page-- SPhilbrick  T  14:58, 30 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Rcoevan/new article name here
Hi there,

Any review to check if this article is OK, in term of formatting-sublinking, etc...

Many thanks in advance.

Rcoevan (talk) 15:31, 29 September 2010 (UTC)


 * No references to independent, reliable sources (such as newspaper articles, etc). Too advert-like, not neutral. See WP:VRS, WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 16:39, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

Maurizio_Bolognini
I have added a new article for Maurizio Bolognini. Please review this article and provide feedback either in my user page talk or in discussion forum. thank you!

V.fanis1 (talk) 15:50, 29 September 2010 (UTC)


 * You need to make the references into footnotes; see WP:CITE.  Chzz  ► 16:41, 29 September 2010 (UTC)

Border-to-Border_Trail
I have added the encyclopedic references as requested. Further review now requested as to whether it is sufficient and I have done it correctly.

Eric L Boyd (talk) 16:10, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Nice job with the references :-) I'm not sure what else to suggest; maybe if someone else could help out that'd be great. Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:52, 30 September 2010 (UTC)

Westcoast Songwriter's Conference
As for my first try, I would like any feedback you can give that will make me a better contributor. Thank you.

Writerewrite (talk) 17:41, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You need to add more reliable references to the article, because without references the article will probably just get deleted. Please try and use inline citations to display the references if you can. If you need any help with this, send me a message over on my talk page. Thanks! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:50, 30 September 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Pamelakeyes/The_Jumbee
I would like to add this article to Wikipedia.

Pamela Keyes (talk) 18:52, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You can put the 'Publication Information' into something like an infobox. Also, please try and add links to reliable, third-party references, preferably using inline citations to display them. If you need any help with that, please send me a message. Thanks :-) Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:46, 30 September 2010 (UTC)

Lindeneau Elementary School Please proofread
Dstryker (talk) 18:58, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Nice work on the article :-) I don't think the references or layout are much of a problem - well done! Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:41, 30 September 2010 (UTC)

User:DianeChojnowski
I'd appreciate a review from an experienced editor before posting. Thanks so much!

DianeChojnowski (talk) 21:24, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * The link doesn't appear to lead to the right place. Can you try and fix it? Chevy  monte  carlo  - alt 05:42, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Decent start. I did some minor cleanup. There a technical issue that you started it in your user page rather than a user subpage. You don't need to worry about that, I'll check into what to do. While I check on that, there's a couple things you might look into. I think it is probably ready for main space, there's always room for improvement, but let me know if you want to move it now and continue working on it or work on it a bit more. Moved a little ahead of plan, let me know if this is a problem.
 * The entire Overview section has no references. The comment about usage could use a reference especially, but others could as well.
 * You've done a decent job with references, but I personally find it very helpful to use the optional citation gadget. To install, go to "My preferences", select the rightmost tab "Gadgets", the check the box next to refTools (in the Editing gadgets section). Once installed, it will add a new button "Cite" to your editing toolbar. Click on it to add a citation. Makes it much easier. You've added the date of the reference as plain text in the reference - this used to be acceptable, but we prefer a more formal structure now, and the citation gadget will make it easy. I converted the first of your refs as an example.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:39, 2 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Korablino/Fine structure constant α derived from π and natural logarithm base e ‎
The article '''"Fine structure constant α derived from π and natural logarithm base e"

describes the relationship of the fine structure constant α with constant π, natural logarithm base e and natural number 138 via simple equation '''α = sinc(1-1/π×tanh(π/138))

Expect critics or confirmation that my findings are correct.

Mikhail Vlasov

Korablino (talk) 02:33, 30 September 2010 (UTC)


 * This looks like original research, and therefore not suitable for inclusion in an article. If you wish to discuss the maths, try the reference desk the reference desk. You might also be interested in WikiProject Mathematics.  Chzz  ► 16:23, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I think Chzz meant to direct you to the Math reference desk, where there are people qualified to comment on your claims, but they will confirm that it isn't suitable for a Wikipedia article.-- SPhilbrick  T  13:57, 2 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Oops, yes, I did of course mean Reference desk/Mathematics, not WP:RD/M 'miscellaneous" - sorry. Also corrected above. Thanks, Spilbrick, good catch.  Chzz  ► 06:30, 3 October 2010 (UTC)