Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 April 9

Family Compact
I've written a full article on the Family Compact where there was a stub. Because this is an important topic in Canadian history, I'd really like some feedback. I've tried to incorporate the original stub text into the article, but I've had to change the 'written voice' to make it all sound the same. Some thoughts on that would be good. thanks in advance

CJ_WeißSchäfer (talk) 11:29, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

Grant Humes
I'm a new user and would like to take this page live, I've had it reviewed and I think its ready to go. Would someone please have a second look and move it so that it is published live please. ty

MrGVaughan (talk) 12:35, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

Hi there, I'm not an editor, so I cannot help you go live, but I do have a couple thoughts. Pretty good article. You might want to add an infobox, such as Template:Election box candidate with party link and change the UK stuff to Canadian; or use another infobox of your choice. A picture is always good if you have one that the candidate will release copyright to; then upload to the Commons so you can add it to the infobox.

CJ_WeißSchäfer (talk) 14:05, 9 April 2011 (UTC)


 * ✅ Page moved to live article by another editor. MatthewVanitas (talk) 19:31, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

User:Pierre_erasmussa/Telepreneurship
Summary Telepreneurship offers measures in terms of roles for the practical application and tradeoffs between strategizing and corporate entrepreneurship within the telecommunication sector. The theory display five major entrepreneurial orientation roles in which each role is defined and explained to measure the interaction between the roles that result in Telepreneurship.By using the Telepreneurship role enactment qualities, organizations could better identify the corporate entrepreneurship activities in the telecommunication industry. This is describe as “Strategic bliss.”

Telepreneurship exist out of 5 roles namely: Environment, Champion, Sponsor, Pioneer and the Marketer

Pierre erasmussa (talk) 14:40, 9 April 2011 (UTC)


 * ✅ Here are a few things you need to do:
 * you need to add a lede (WP:Lede) giving a very basic and layman-friendly "here is the subject". The equivalent of "The flooziddle is a type of bamboo flute played by the Furi people of Fooland.  The instrument was first mentioned in explorers' reports in the 1500s, but scholars believe the instrument died out by 1900."  Just a really simple who/what/when/where with minimal technical jargon, complicated theory, etc.
 * you need to add catgories, see WP:Categories. Note that categories should be as specific as possible, only the most general of articles go in top-level cats like "Economics" or "Marketing".
 * your "External links" uses bare links; you need to write those out as full citations, as those links as they stand now will become useless if the target page is moved. With a full citation we can Google up where it moved to, or use a cache program.
 * Footnotes go after the punctuation.
 * Just a few basics to tweak, hope this helps. MatthewVanitas (talk) 19:39, 9 April 2011 (UTC)


 * You don't need to start new RfFs on the same page, you can just update here. I fixed your EL links, but the other items mentioned above still need work. MatthewVanitas (talk) 22:07, 9 April 2011 (UTC)


 * Hi. i have linked the common ideas such as entrepreneurship and so on to wikifi the text. Categories there is not much to categorize further. I have moved all the references citations after the punctuation. Would it be possible to assist me if there is anything more please? Pierre erasmussa


 * Good work on the changes so far, but you still do not have Categories (see WP:Categories), and you have no intro ("lede", see WP:Lede). Both those things are absolutely fundamental, so please add them. Also, to diminish the conflict of interest involved (since it appears that you are the originator, or at least fervent promoter, of this neologism), I recommend you add a few more non-Erasmus sources in footnoting.  Here are a few GoogleBooks that use the term that you can perhaps cite:  MatthewVanitas (talk) 07:06, 10 April 2011 (UTC)

Michaelstowe Hall
First article on Wikipedia. Any comments or suggested improvements would be welcome.

Dje1945 (talk) 16:18, 9 April 2011 (UTC)


 * ✅ Looks good overall, though it's rather sparse on footnotes for such a lengthy article. Presumably all that info came from somewhere, so you need to footnote the portions which aren't footnoted.  I did some minor copyediting and linking, and moved the geo info from the title, as there's no place of similar name to disambiguate it from.  I suggest you just add a WikiProject or two to the Talk page, and then just work on expanding the sourcing. MatthewVanitas (talk) 19:13, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for your help Dje1945 (talk) 15:11, 16 April 2011 (UTC)

Launch Services Program
As NASA's shuttle program comes to an end LSP (Launch Services Program) will become more important. Could you please review my article and make it a offically part of Wikipedia.

Thank you!

Tazandsim (talk) 16:41, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

MC Ryzie
Mcryzie (talk) 17:42, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

User:SwalleyD/Train_Inspection_Systems
There is a ton of material on this subject which I and others can add and fill out, We need the outline up to start filling in the weak spots. Is this a start?

SwalleyD (talk) 18:03, 9 April 2011 (UTC)


 * ✅ Took a look, and though I'm not familiar with the topic, wanted to point out some formatting. You're working way too hard by improvising formatting; the actual WP format is a lot easier.  As a few minor examples, you're typing [| defect detector] when all you need is to just put brackets around the word defect detector --> defect detector.  Similarly, you were using "gallery" coding for a single image; instead you can just type: Example.jpg. Note how I fixed your first image, and it looks better now.  Also, don't use  except in very rare formatting cases, just drop a line to leave a space.  Also, in your initial paragraph you kept giving each sentence its own line; unnecessary and makes the page look choppy.  Check out the fixes I added (you can use the History tab and the Difference buttons to compare drafts and see what's been changed).  Here's a link to the "diff" (differences) between your draft and my changes: .  For technical info and to solicit help from experts, I recommend you go to the Discussion tab of WP:WikiProject Trains and introduce yourself there. MatthewVanitas (talk) 19:27, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

User:Pseudo-Richard/Jews and banking
I would like to request input on a draft article that I have been working on: User:Pseudo-Richard/Jews and banking  I understand that having an article titled Jews and banking sounds like an antisemitic canard and I am open to changing the title. However, I do think that there is an encyclopedic topic around the role of Jews and the emergence of modern banking. My interest in this topic was sparked by the disastrous attempt by Noleander to create an article titled Jews and money, subsequently retitled to Economic history of the Jews which has since been deleted via AFD (see Articles for deletion/Economic history of the Jews). It was widely recognized by participants in the AFD discussion that there were many problems with Noleander's initial attempt including overly broad scope which suggested a coatrack, poor organization of the article, injudicious selection of sources and misrepresentation of some of the sources. However, a number of editors (myself among them) felt that there were one or more encyclopedic topics covered. It was proposed that some of the issues could be resolved by pulling out the encyclopedic topics and making articles about those specific topics. This article represents part of my efforts to begin that process. I would like to get feedback on the text of the proposed article as well as a critique of the article title. I think the judicious selection of article titles is almost as important as article text because titles change much less frequently than article text does and the article title implies a scope that strongly influences what text is added and deleted from the article. I am not too thrilled with the title "Jews and banking" as it still sounds antisemitic to me. I'm playing with "History of Jews in banking" but I'm open to other suggestions.

Thanks in advance for your assistance.

Pseudo-Richard (talk) 18:34, 9 April 2011 (UTC)

User:Billyjazz79/Christopher Dines
Hi,

I have all of the references from reliable sources in the reference page. I am having difficulty when I attach the reference to a sentence as proof. Please can you help me connect the references or leave me an example below?

For instance, eg I have tried this method no joy. MatthewVanitas (talk) 00:31, 10 April 2011 (UTC)

Thank you Matthew. The page is ready to go live. How do I so this? I don't see the button to "go live".


 * To publish, you hit the "Move" button (in the drop-down menu next to the "Watch" star icon). However, I'd hold off for a few more fixes: right now you only have two individual references (YouTube, Facebook, etc. don't count as references), and I'm not sure 4Clubbers counts as a reliable source.  Can you find at least one or two more news references about Dines?  Ideally ones from a major magazine or recognised newspaper (even a regional one, Manchester Times or whatever, is fine).  You also need to add categories for his actual profession, so check around and see what the categories are for English DJs and motivational speakers; make sure the final categories you have show up as blue, meaning they're functional links, and not red (non-existent category).  Finally, your links are all "bare links", just a stream of "http://www...etc." instead of "Dines Inspires Newcastle Youth. Northumberland Star, 14 January 2008".  Type the full citation, and to work the link into the text, put single brackets around the full http:// link and the title of the citation, with a single space between them.  Like this:


 * That'll give you a footnote that looks like this: "Dines Inspires Newcastle Youth. Northumberland Star, 14 January 2008". Looks slicker, yes?


 * So, add very specific categories, find a few sources of good reputation, and fix your links to display as proper citations. The last is important, as weblinks can change, and then we'd have no idea what article you were meaning to link to. MatthewVanitas (talk) 17:54, 13 April 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. I have cleaned up the page and I will find another reference/note to add. As you would say "it looks slicker" now. :P