Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 August 21

Holly Ravine Farm
Check for grammar, spelling, wording, etc. Many Thanks.

Tinton5 (talk) 02:54, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
 * It looks good. I couldn't find any spelling or grammatical errors to fix. If you want to get fancy you could add a photo or an infobox. Template:Infobox building.   Will Beback    talk    02:15, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

The Tiltplane - A New VTOL Aircraft Technology
I am a first time user. I created a short page with the Subject/headline above. Can you see it? What is necessary to post it?

Jlawren3 (talk) 03:53, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
 * You seem to have three different drafts, User:Jlawren3/Tiltplane, User:Jlawren3, and User talk:Jlawren3. Which did you want feedback on? (You can see all your contributions by clicking the "My contributions" link at the top of every page.)
 * It is a bad idea to have three different drafts like that. The first page has an appropriate title for an article draft. (The other two are special purpose pages for telling other people a little about you and for people to leave you messages, respectively.) —teb728 t c 05:02, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

El Salvador national football team
The last time the specified article was reviewed was on October 6, 2010. I believe that the art.icle has expanded and improved. It is of MID importance and rated C-class. I would like someone to review it. Any comment is welcomed. Many thanks.

Jaime070996 04:39, 21 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Hello, you have currently nominated it for Good Article status. WikiProject ratings will be updated after the GA review has been done. There's usually a backlog though and GA reviews can take a while, so just please be patient. See Good article nominations for more info.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   12:34, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Asc S2B/Ascendas
Dear all, I'm requesting for help to comment/feedback to my first article. Thanks much!

Asc S2B (talk) 07:01, 21 August 2011 (UTC)


 * The article has serious problems. It appears that the text is all copied from company websites. There are several problems with that. The obvious one is with copyrights and plagiarism. With few exceptions it's necessary for us to write fresh text for Wikipedia instead of copying it. However the more important problem with text from the company website is that it makes it read like a company brochure, and thus it violates the core content policy, WP:NPOV. Further, the reliance on company websites leads to a lack of other sources. Notable topics have been written about by a variety of sources. If no one outside the company has written about it then it probably isn't notable enough for an article.
 * I suggest you toss out what you've written, search for newspaper and magazine articles about the company, and then base the article on those, using the company website just for objective details, like the recent revenue figures.   Will Beback    talk    02:26, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Compute42/Andrew Dawson
Compute42 (talk) 10:35, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
 * There are a couple of things you can do to improve the quality of your article. First, the article needs more content.  It doesn't need to be incredibly long before it is moved, but a good stub should have more than one sentence.  When was the subject born?  How did he work with Kanye West?  What did he produce?  Second, it could be good to add an infobox to the article.  You could use Infobox person or try to find a more suitable infobox from Category:Infobox templates.  Finally, you should use inline citations in your article.  Ryan Vesey  Review me!  04:55, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Jouannet
Coagulans (talk) 10:57, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
 * I have tagged the article for a requested translation from French; however, there are thousands of articles awaiting translation so it would be better if you create it as a stub. Find some reliable, third-party sources and give enough evidence to establish notability.  Ryan Vesey  Review me!  05:02, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

The Miracle Project
Please review my article on The Miracle Project. Thanks!

Dante8 (talk) 12:28, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Your article seems like it is off to a good start. You use a lot of bare URL's as references and it would be better if you expanded them using the cite web template.  This page may help you with that.  The article also needs expansion.  The article contains more information on the founders than it does on the project.  I am still not positive exactly what it is.  Is it a film festival?  If it is, you should consider using infobox film festival.  Your article lacks wikilinks as well.  After expansion has been made, the article should be split into sections and given a lead  Ryan Vesey  Review me!  05:10, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Outdoors_Group_Fitness
Review this page!

109.153.202.192 (talk) 14:01, 21 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Please add more evidence of significant coverage in independent and reliable sources or the page can be challenged and deleted. You need to prove notability.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   12:00, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Teppic74/Parted Magic
I was surprised no article existed for this, so I've created one. I've found a couple of reliable independent sources, but I think it may read a little like an advertisement (even though it's a free product).

Teppic74 (talk) 15:06, 21 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks good to me. :) Minor thing to remember though, ref tags should always be after punctuation (that includes commas and parentheses etc. in addition to full stops).--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   11:54, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Mission Regional Chamber of Commerce
I wrote this article about the Mission Regional Chamber of Commerce, an organization that played a notable historic role in the development of the city of Mission, British Columbia. The Vancouver Board of Trade is a similar organization and already has a wikipedia article written about it. Please let me know if you have comments or critique.

Mfavero33 (talk) 18:29, 21 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Your method of referencing is a bit weird. :/ I am not familiar with it, but would it be possible to just use numbers? At its current state it disrupts the actual prose too much.


 * Please do not overuse quotations, they are not neutral, and using them too much can be counted as promotional, especially since you are closely connected to the subject. See our guidelines on WP:COI and WP:NPOV.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   12:18, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Thank you for your assistance, I will look into changing the referencing style, as well as removing some of the direct quotations to ensure a more neutral tone. Mfavero33 (talk)

I have taken your advice, and changed the referencing to only include numbering within the prose. I have also removed many of the direct quotations in order to give the writing a more neutral, less promotional sounding tone. Please let me know if you think the article has improved, and thank you again for your feedback. Mfavero33 (talk) 17:08, 27 August 2011 (UTC)


 * I've merged some of the subsections into a more general heading to avoid it sounding like a company brochure. Please check if the information is still presented accurately and adjust as necessary. I've also done minor fixes and removed the unreviewed template.


 * May I also suggest that you remove your message on the talk page of the article and transfer it to your own talk page or user page. While disclosures of a conflict of interest is very much appreciated, the mainspace talk pages are very public, and it might not be the right place for it. Cheers.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   18:23, 27 August 2011 (UTC)

User:124.40.58.33/Slashism
Slash987 (talk) 18:47, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Brought to miscellany for deletion. The article is about a topic which isn't and won't be notable.  Ryan Vesey  Review me!  05:16, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Hyd14a/Zakaria_Ahmad
hi i was wanting to add this page to Wikipedia. the Information on the page is from Zakaria Ahmad himself

Hyd14a (talk) 22:52, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Your article will be deleted if you move it to the mainspace. All biographies of living people are required to have at least one reference.  The article seems to be promotional and is not written in an encyclopedic style.  The article should make use of wikilinks and currently has no lead.  The article also needs to be split into sections.  A lot of the information is not important to the Wikipedia article (i.e. he memorized the Quaran at a very young age).  Ryan Vesey  Review me!  05:23, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Elkadyramy111/leapforce
i want to create a page about leapforce company. what is the next step?

Elkadyramy111 (talk) 01:21, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * I'm sorry but you need to prove that the subject deserves a Wikipedia page by proving its notability. See WP:42 and WP:ORG. --  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   11:50, 25 August 2011 (UTC)