Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 August 22

User:Rvsuvarna/Black_Dot_Vodka
I need help with getting this article to Wikipedia's standards and to push it live. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Rvsuvarna (talk) 03:42, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Hi Rvsuvarna, I have a few comments:
 * The article needs more references in third-party reliable sources to prove notability. There are some, but not enough to pass our notability guidelines yet. Has the product been covered in newspapers or magazines other than the one mentioned?
 * The article also has a neutrality problem, words like "handcrafted" are problematic.


 * I have tried to find reliable sources, but I can't find anything substantial. Quasi  human  &#124;  Talk  12:04, 23 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Hi Quasihuman, thanks a lot for that feedback. I have a list of websites that could serve as notable references. I wish to run them by you before adding them to my article. Could you please provide me with your email so I could send them to you or should i type it in this section.

User:Mecheng761/Zishan_Engineers
I have made changes and added a few sources. Could you please let me know if the article is good enough to be posted on the main wikipedia page?

Mecheng761 (talk) 09:34, 22 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Im not seeing too many changes from my view and dont know fully if it addressing the previous editors concerns over the page. For further back ground for other editors, various concerns in the past can be found from this discussion here which endorsed deletion; Deletion_review/Log/2010_December_10. Ottawa4ever (talk) 13:35, 22 August 2011 (UTC)
 * In fact it appears the only added addition was that the company is on the winsim list of users since this deletion review took place. Ottawa4ever (talk) 13:42, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

User:AJonwiki/FDI Intelligence
Please could you let me know if this article is ok?

AJonwiki (talk) 11:33, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * No, I'm afraid it's not. Please read the following pages first to understand what is required of all Wikipedia articles:


 * WP:42
 * WP:Your first article


 * --  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   18:48, 27 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks Obsidian Soul. As the main problems appear to be impartiality and lack of external reliable sources I have submitted an article request and added a few external sources: The Burghard Group; Bloomberg; China Business News; RTE News; eZ; Ontario Canada. Let me know if you think tehre would be any other problems.

Thanks AJ

User:Jjbellawan/EduProfiles_Inc.
More editing is welcome!

Jjbellawan (talk) 13:59, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Article is currently nominated for deletion.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   18:45, 27 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Davina.R
Hi there, I need help with these 3 things, as I would like to give Davina credit and write a Wikipedia page on her achievements:

Any assistance would be much appreciated. Thank you.


 * Remember to sign your comments with ~ so we know who we're replying to.
 * Several of your Wikilinks are external - remove the URL parts, just leave the title, " Australian " (Australian) should be " Australian " (Australian) or " Australian " (Australian) - use 2 square brackets each side, not one. See Wikilinks.
 * You seem to have a lot of sources which is helpful, but make sure the article remains notable and avoid it becoming too promotional, as that can lead to deletion. Achievements are one thing, but they need to be recognised independently for their success without seeking commercial promotion - as Wiki is an encyclopedia not a marketing site.
 * See Biographies of Living Persons for all the ins-and-outs on writing a Biog that meets Wiki approval, and you should be fine.

 Ma &reg;&copy; usBr iti sh [talk] 06:10, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

Thank you very much. Domenico.y (talk) 20:07, 1 September 2011 (UTC) Domenico.y

Fashion Entrepreneurship
Davina founded and is the Managing Director of iClothing which is iPad compatible clothing t-shirts and dresses with kangaroo pouches store iPads inand the annual Being Born Again Couture Fashion Show, a couture show in different cities globally with renowned and emerging fashion designers and artists creating a haute couture garment each with music, theatrical performances, dancing and film.

The inaugural show in 2010 in Sydney, Australia show collaborated Australian fashion designers including Akira Isogawa, Nicola Finetti , Marnie Skillings and Michael Lo Sordo and Australian artists including Tracey Moffatt , Lindy Lee and Christopher Horder.

The 2011 show in New York City, Manhattan, features fashion designers including BCBC Max Azria, Calvin Klein, Anna Sui, Donna Karan, Michael Kors collaborating with artists from MoMA and P.S.1. including Michele Abeles and Tauba Auerbach.

Style
"High-fashion and experimental, Davina's sense of personal style can only be described as eclectic". Davina creates "styles that are whimsical, contradictory, yet confident with appealing feminine  aesthetics", according to her 'D&Em by Davina' label. The focus is on "the crazy, yet the beautiful; the obsessive, yet the controlled".

Davina was interviewed by Fashion_One TV and NDTV China during Australian Fashion Week. In addition, Davina was interviewed by ABC_News_(USA) and Fashion.Maga-Zine.com for her PR and Event Director position at Couture Fashion Week in New York City in 2011, her iClothing iPad clothing range and assisting famous and emerging fashion talents develop .

Domenico.y (talk) 15:10, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Can you clarify what you wanted us to help you with?--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   18:43, 27 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Jean_yury/Gamigo_ag
I am looking to create a page for the gaming publisher gamigo AG. I have chosen this topic as I am a fan of the f2p industry and noted that in every game licensed to gamigo, that their name was listed "red" which meant a link to a dead wiki page. It seemed to me that an article should be created on the company in order to help people learn about this publisher.

This is my first article on wikipedia and I would appreciate feedback on whether or not my article fulfills the wikipedia requirements.

Jean yury (talk) 16:01, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks alright. I've added a few improvements to the page. It's definitely notable though, so no worries about deletion, just try to use as much independent reliable sources as you can.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   18:41, 27 August 2011 (UTC)

Origin of the phrase "The truth is hard to swallow."
I am searching for the origins and basis for certain phrases and sayings I've heard. "The truth is hard to swallow" is one I can find no history on. Anyone who can provide me with the circumstances, what the "truth" was that was mentioned, and any additional information would be appreciated. Thank You.

TUSCANYINDUS (talk) 16:49, 22 August 2011 (UTC)

 Ma &reg;&copy; usBr iti sh [talk] 06:18, 24 August 2011 (UTC)
 * This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed.
 * This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Questions.

The Legion Academy
I rewrote this article, which was previously deleted as being unsourced and insignificant. I think the topic, which has been an ongoing theme in its fictive universe since 1968, is notable and worthy of inclusion in the Wikipedia Comics Project, and have tried to explain why in the new article.

Erikacornia (talk) 17:18, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * To be honest, it still doesn't prove notability. Please try to use more independent sources, otherwise it might be better to bring this article to the attention of the people at Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Comics, maybe they can help ascertain notability. An advice though: please avoid original research (like the sentence about the facility's training being deficient) and always make it very clear that the subject is fictional.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   18:34, 27 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you, I'll consider ways to improve it and read more in WikiProject comics.Erikacornia (talk) 05:23, 28 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:JackBridgestone/Ashraf_Ghori
Article on 'Ashraf Ghori' is written. Please provide with necessary feedback and I will be happy to do the changes and resubmit. Thank you.

JackBridgestone (talk) 17:59, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks good. :) Minor points:


 * You do not need a disambiguation hatnote. I assume no other person is named Ashraf Ghori in Wikipedia.
 * Always place references after punctuations. Do not add spaces between two references.
 * Only bold the subject of the article and any alternative names.
 * Try and find a reference for the second award if possible.


 * --  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   08:12, 26 August 2011 (UTC)

Yatin Patel
Spent a good deal of time on this page; there are as many references as I could find, as well as a few images. The profile picture of the artist, however, has a weird code on top and bottom. I obviously did something wrong, but cannot find what it was in any help articles.

Any extra links, grammatical help, etc, would be greatly appreciated.

Emreksd (talk) 18:02, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Fixed photo - don't need to use [[File:]] or [[Image:]] in an infobox, just the filename.
 * Your reference on the meaning of "Sutra" links to Wiki itself - this is not allowed per Circular Sourcing. An Indian Dictionary (online or hard copy) would be a better source of it's meaning.
 * You have established what Yatin Patel does, but you need to prove his notability - what has he achieved? - which needs independent reviews, proof of his public success and recognition, etc - otherwise the article may be deemed promotional and opted for deletion. You say he has a "primary goal" which is fine, but Wiki is not a place to advertise fresh talent, but to detail recognised talent - if Yatin has been written about in newspapers or magazines then you should reference them to highlight his notability more clearly.

 Ma &reg;&copy; usBr iti sh [talk] 06:37, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Cat777/South_Florida_Punk_and_Hardcore
This is a rough draft. We think the page is ready to publish as regular Wikipedia page. We just want to make sure there arean't any issues with it.

Also, how do we re-designate it?

Thank you Cat777 (talk) 18:18, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Okay, this could be a good list article, but at the moment the layout is terrible, because you have a huge Table of Contents, followed by a list which repeats the TOC - I see it is because you have used level 5 headers round each band, which you don't need to be doing.


 * Right, what I've done is copy-edit the entire article, in one edit, which you can then look through and consider. Basically, the article is good, but needs to meet the Manual of Style guidelines better. Here's a run down of the few things I noticed and edited. You are free to revert it if you don't like it, but most of the edits are pretty standard.
 * Hyphens between years to ndashes.
 * Changed 7" and 10" to 7-inch and 10-inch to make better reading. Added hyphen between 7 and inch in last band.
 * Replace all angular quotes (`) with straight (') quotes, or `` to " per MOS.
 * Changed all level 5 headers to bullet points for better list appearance.
 * Closed up spacing between bands, as it came across to "gappy".

By "re-designate" I guess you mean move it from your User space to main a Wiki article? Simply use the "Move" link in the blue banner at the top of your Draft article, that will take you through publishing it once ready.

 Ma &reg;&copy; usBr iti sh [talk] 08:00, 24 August 2011 (UTC)


 * I've gone through the draft article again, as I didn't realise I only copy-edited the "Eras" section. Few more pointers:
 * Dates:
 * Lot of mixed up ways, some have ordinals, some don't (st, rd, nd) - best option is not to use them, the MOS advises not to.
 * Some dates had &amp; whilst some had a hypen - eg 1-2 May, 1 & 2 May. Use the first, but with an ndash, it's neater. In cases like 1, 2 & 3 - replace with 1–3 to maintain consistency.
 * Shortened dates, such as "80" for 1980, or "Fri" for Friday, need writing in full, unless part of a quote - helps people follow easier.
 * Band names:
 * Inconsistent use of capitals, especially on words like "the" and "and". "And" should be lower case, "the" should be capitalised if the first word in the band name, lower case if used mid-name, eg "Bob and the Boys in Blue".
 * Also inconsistent use of periods, at the end of sentences.


 * I would recommend that you complete writing the article, then have another editor go though and copy-edit it fully to MOS standards - a bit like I have done, but it needs more attention, then publish it - it should look good once it's done.  Ma &reg;&copy; usBr iti sh [talk] 10:50, 24 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Astro man 2020/ASTRO File Manager
Previously deleted: 17:39, 22 August 2011 Causa sui (talk | contribs) deleted "Astro File Manager" ‎ (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion: Press release) How do we look now? Would like to re-post ASAP! Cheers! Astro man 2020 (talk) 19:18, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * I'm afraid you need to show significant coverage in reliable independent sources to prove notability. See Notability (software) for more info. Posting it without proving notability or any references whatsoever will only get it deleted again.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   07:58, 26 August 2011 (UTC)

The Unconquerable
This is the second article I've written. Would welcome any questions or comments about form and content. Thank you.

Jmasiulewicz (talk) 19:33, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks fairly okay. Minor suggestions: always place references after punctuations. Don't use more linebreaks and spaces between sentences more than necessary That is - only use one space between sentences and one linebreak between subsections and paragraphs.


 * You might also want to try using WP:Citation templates instead to make the reference list more human-readable. I've given an example on ref 3. See WP:Referencing for beginners with citation templates for more info. I've also added the article to a category and removed the tag. Cheers.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   07:51, 26 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Rachd88/Martin wolins
Hi, this is my first time writing something on Wiki, can you please give me some feedback on this? thanks!

Rachd88 (talk) 20:09, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Please read WP:Neutral point of view, please note that anything promotional is forbidden in Wikipedia, you need to talk about the subject in impartial tones. You also need to show his importance and use more than one source to prove notability (i.e. prove why he deserves an article in an encyclopedia). See WP:Your first article as well for tips on formatting and whatnot, and WP:Referencing for beginners for a tutorial on how to use inline references, a necessity for Wikipedia to comply with our policies on WP:Verifiability.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   07:38, 26 August 2011 (UTC)

Arachnitect (album)
My first article on musician Kristen Lawrence is up on Wikipedia and can be found through the wiki search box. I have a few areas where I need help.


 * I have now written three more articles about Lawrence's music albums: Arachnitect (album), A Broom With A View (album), and Vampire Empire (album).  I have recently moved them from my User page, but they are not yet available through searching the Wikipedia article listings.  I wanted to make sure that they are linked properly to be posted.


 * Also, on the Kristen Lawrence article page, a Wikipedia box says that it is an orphan, with no links to other articles. I am not sure how to link the three new articles to the Kristen Lawrence page, or vice versa so they will not be orphans, either, or get other Wikipedia pages to link to Kristen Lawrence. (Please help me get rid of any orphans.  As Miss Hannigan said in the movie Annie, "Why would anyone want to be an orphan?")


 * I created a category: Kristen Lawrence albums. Do I need to link it to anything, other than having it in the three albums' categories at the bottom of each album page?


 * The Kristen Lawrence page also has a second box at the top that says that it is a new unreviewed article. I would appreciate having the articles reviewed.

Thank you for taking the time to help a newbie learn. I soon will be adding another articles and want to do them correctly.

Idaho50 (talk) 21:09, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Hm, you need to add more reliable and independent sources for the article to prove that it meets our notability criteria on Notability (music). Do so with any other album articles you've written.


 * The main article on Kristen Lawrence abides by this, try to do the same thing that you've done there with the albums. A problem I see with the Kristen Lawrence article though is the tone. Please try to avoid subjective descriptions as much as possible, especially ones which can be seen as promotional. Avoid overly praising (or criticizing adjectives) unless it is widely reflected by a large number of sources. It's actually recommended you be completely impartial to the point of being cold. See WP:NPOV and WP:Peacock.


 * Being an orphan is a relatively minor problem. It simply means that very few or no other article links to it, making it an 'orphan'. See Orphan for more info and tips on how to fix it. Just add a ==See also== section if the links can't be inserted inline.


 * For albums, you can add them to Category:Art rock albums or something similar. It is not necessary though. --  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   07:31, 26 August 2011 (UTC)

Chase Rettig
Requesting feedback to remove "new article" template.

Gildir (talk) 22:52, 22 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Gildir, you really don't need anyone else to remove the New Unreviewed Article template anymore. :) All your articles have consistently been excellent, so I recommend you simply remove them yourself after moving the article. Don't forget to add the appropriate WikiProject templates in the talk page though, so they can keep track of it as well.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   12:45, 25 August 2011 (UTC)


 * I'm not so sure about that. The template clearly states that it shouldn't be removed by the article's creator. This, in my view, is an important safety net and we shouldn't be encouraging others to bypass it. With all respect to you, Obsidian.--Ykraps (talk) 15:09, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

The Virtual Stage
Looking for someone to please review this article and remove the "new unreviewed article" tag at the top if it is deemed acceptable. Thank you.

Randomlyacting (talk) 02:47, 23 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Please convert the timeline to readable paragraphs.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   12:39, 25 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks Obsidian. Done.  Any further feedback?  If not, would I be able to bother you to remove the "new article" tag?  Thanks again.  Randomlyacting (talk) 16:59, 25 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Heh, seems like you just collapsed the bulleted list. The point here is readability. Two huge paragraphs aren't very reader friendly as well. I've divided it somewhat and tweaked the word flow, see if it's okay and improve it further if you can.


 * I've also done minor improvements to the page. I recommend you also add a bulleted list of the notable productions of the theater, along with dates and significant awards perhaps. Yes, it will overlap with the History subsection, but while one is prose, the other will be a quick list of works. Cheers.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   17:33, 25 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks Obsidian. I'll see what I can do.  I like your improvements to the page; much more readable.  And the addition of "See Also" is a good one, though the inclusion of the Vancouver Fringe Festival in that list does not make sense to me, as the company has no affiliation with that festival nor is there any connection to it in the article.  Perhaps there are some other relevant "See Also" wiki pages I can look into adding there instead.


 * Oh, also, re: the bulleted list, where would it be placed within the article? Can you think of an example I could look at to model the new list after?


 * Thanks again. Great re-work of the article. Randomlyacting (talk) 06:49, 26 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Yes. See the list of notable productions in Palace Theatre (Broadway). And of course, feel free to remove the festival and replace it with other more pertinent links, as is probably obvious, I don't go to theater, LOL. And you're welcome. :) --  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   07:14, 26 August 2011 (UTC)