Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 August 25

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Melgomac/Seth_rabinowitz
Any help would be appreciated in terms of anything at all in the article. I have various large knowledge gaps about this person but I did my best to gather as much as I could. I also own a single photograph of the now-funct 1977 newspaper which itself shows a photograph and blurb about the subject person. I own the copyright to this picture. I don't know if it is appropriate or fair to the subject person to post it or an invasion of privacy. Even if it is not an invasion, I don't know how to put it on the Wikipedia entry so help with that would be appreciated as well.

Melgomac (talk) 00:39, 25 August 2011 (UTC)


 * First of all, there are massive problems with the way you are adding references. Use lesser than and greater than symbols not square brackets ( [ and ] ).  You also need to add a  template at the References section which will in turn automatically list all the references you used. Please read WP:Referencing for beginners.


 * You may also be misunderstanding the reason why we need references, so please see WP:Verifiability as well. To put it simply, references are used to prove that what you are saying is true and that the person is indeed notable enough to warrant a Wikipedia article. You don't simply add every website that the subject's name has been mentioned in, they must be relevant to the preceding text.


 * Please also see WP:Your first article for tips on how to structure a human-readable article.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   11:35, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Trevor coelho/ThinkPad L Series
Hi,

I've created a page for the ThinkPad L Series, along the lines of the ThinkPad T Series, ThinkPad X Series and ThinkPad W Series that I created previously. I'd appreciate any feedback and confirmation on if I can move it to live Wikipedia so the community can add to it.

Trevor coelho (talk) 03:53, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Steve Marr (businessman)
This page is a new unreviewed article. Please review it so as it remove the flag at the top of the page. Thanks.

Rjmains (talk) 04:29, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Swanwick
Just looking for general feedback. This is my first Wikipedia article.

Thanks

Jones40 (talk) 05:09, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Hemoptysis (band)
I've written a new article on the American extreme metal band, Hemoptysis. This is my first Wiki article, and while I believe I have done fairly well, I know there are more experienced editors I can learn from. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Feedback will also help me in editing and reviewing other articles.

Wicked D Harrison (talk) 05:18, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Cheers,  Ma &reg;&copy; usBr iti sh [talk] 07:28, 28 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Yep, looks alright to me for a first article - needed a few tweaks per MOS standards, here and there, but otherwise not bad. I'd suggest you have a look at the WP:MOS and keep it in mind when it comes to WP:NDASH and WP:PUNCT (see: Quotation characters) which were the main things I corrected - but you seem to have a good style in general - Wiki has some "finicky" requirements, though, worth remembering.
 * References are missing some information, such as a title, author, and accessdate - see cite web for best way to cite websites.

Daddy Maxfield
I would like to add information to my article Not sure how to edit How long does it usually take to move the draft?

GuitarStudio100 (talk) 07:17, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Javin86/The_Haven
I've written about a property develeoper that is going to be famous. There are some recognised from other countries too. And there are many news/media press talk about it.

please comment and give suggustion. thanks! Javin86 (talk) 10:08, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Vithimiris
Hi there, I created this article and would appreciate a feedback.

Romanus451 (talk) 10:04, 25 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks alright, but the word flow needs some work. It's a bit... 'jerky' to read, introducing new information without much explanation of the context. It is good enough though.


 * And please also remember to remain objective in the prose. Do not use first person or second person pronouns like "I", "You", "We", etc. You used "Our" once. I have reworded that part.--  Obsidi ♠ n   Soul   11:46, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jeanmichel.sellier/Archimedes,_the_GNU_package_for_semiconductor_device_simulations
I would like to have feedbacks on the new article I created. There are multiple references to Archimedes on wikipedia but no one created an article about it. Thanks!

Jeanmichel.sellier (talk) 11:22, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Half price/Alex Day
A userspace draft about YouTuber Alex Day (nerimon and nermiearmyhq on YouTube). I have updated the article and added some sources to verify the updates I have added. Please tell me what is good, what is bad and how I can improve it. Also, please tell me if it is ready to be moved.

Nominal (talk) 11:56, 25 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks good and thoroughly cited. Couple of minor concerns:
 * Date format: As Alex is British, it would be better to use the preferred British-English format, we don't like month before data here, that's an American-English thing - i.e. "8 May 2011" with no comma, not "May 8, 2011". See Charlie McDonnells as it uses Brit-Eng.
 * Note: You'll need to do this anyway, as the Discography tables are in Brit-Eng format, but the prose isn't, and you need to be consistent throughout the article per WP:MOS - in which case Brit-Eng would be better for this article given his nationality.
 * English variation spellings, again because Alex is a Brit, British-English should probably be used, e.g. honors->honours, it's only polite! :) See WP:ENGVAR. If you don't know British-English spellings, have a Brit copy-edit it, ask me on my talk if you like.
 * YouTube honours "might" look better in a table. Just a thought.. it might not work.
 * Article needs a thorough copy-edit, as there are quite a few WP:MOS issues need tidying up, again I'd be glad to if you need someone familiar with the minor MOS perks - it'd take longer for me to type them all than simply correct them.

 Ma &reg;&copy; usBr iti sh [talk] 11:18, 27 August 2011 (UTC)

Bernard Sugerman
Please review this new article on an Australian judge and legal scholar.

Otherthinker (talk) 13:54, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Muhammad Syukri Ridwan
I will appreciate any suggestions or feedback of my first article.

DeltaShield (talk) 14:58, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Lakeside Academy
This is the first time I've made an article about a school, so I want to make sure I've used the templates correctly.

Jmajeremy (talk) 16:06, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ravi_Gomatam
I have created my first new article on Dr. Ravi Gomatam. I wish to seek feedback on this "new unreviewed article". I hope the references on this page are sufficient to demonstrate wikipedia's "reliable source" and prove that the subject is "notable". Dr. Ravi Gomatam is a leading scientist in quantum mechanics, with many notable peer reviewed research publications. Many of his publications are available in public domain, through google scholar or through the links on his faculty webpage of the Bhaktivedanta Institute. Several other webpages on wikipedia also refer to Gomatam's work. Thanks in advance for feedback. Rahularch (talk) 16:22, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Hindu and Norse mythology
This article tries to compare some stories related in hindu/vedic/indian mythology and norse mythology. Can you please review and advise?

This is my first wikipedia article. please provide comments as to whether the citations and links are all in order

Jaymzanator (talk) 17:15, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debra_Searle
This is my first wikipedia article. please provide comments as to whether the citations and links are all in order

Jaymzanator (talk) 17:16, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Australian Academy of Forensic Sciences
Please review this new article on an Australian learned society, a notable medico-legal association.

Otherthinker (talk) 18:13, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Untitled
Goshannon (talk) 18:24, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

User:NickVeraldi/LeBryan Nash
I am new to Wikipedia, but I am familiar to Wiki markup and editing through various other wiki sites. I would like someone to look at this page and tell me about what all I need to change to make this more encyclopedic. I know I didn't get it right my very first try, so please be as blunt as possible about what I need to change and what I need to improve. Thank you.

NickVeraldi (talk) 21:32, 25 August 2011 (UTC)

Newgate_Education_Center
This is my first article on wikipedia. After the first round of feedback, I cleaned up the article and code. Now that I've posted it live, I'd like any additional feedback on it's content or format. Thank you.

Conniebalcom (talk) 23:36, 25 August 2011 (UTC)