Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 February 12

Mental roots of sexual orientation
Please review this new page. Thanks

HaMaccabi (talk) 03:08, 12 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I think the article sounds too much like an essay, to be honest. Chevy  monte  carlo  21:50, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girivasan_Thirumazhisai_Chakravarthy
As a Guinness World Record Fan I am writing about Girivasan Thirumazhisai Chakravarthy who has the Guinness World Record and Global World Record for typing English Alphabet in fastest time.

Please let me have your views / comments to make the page more interesting and noteworthy.

Gwrfans (talk) 09:19, 12 February 2011 (UTC)
 * It's a good start and I think you've done a nice job but I think there are a few things you might want to consider improving or changing:


 * The references could do with some suitable names, rather than a bare link/URL. Please contact me if you aren't sure how to do this.
 * According to WP:CITE, other Wikipedia articles cannot be used as sources as they are not considered reliable enough. Please remove those Wikipedia-based references. However they can be used in something like a 'See also' section if they are related.
 * I've done my best to clean up the 'bad' English (don't want to insult you!); it seems like it is not your first language and that's fine. You might want to take another look yourself or get another user to look it over and check for bad grammar and the like; you can ask at the help desk.
 * Best of luck with your article! Please send me a message if you need any help. Chevy  monte  carlo  22:00, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

User:LukeTrimmings/CocoEcoMagazine
Thanks for your comments, i'll add as many links as possible to try and validate the article :) Cheers.

LET (talk) 10:28, 12 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I think there could be perhaps some notability issues due to the lack of reliable references. Finally, I think the article could really do with a few more links to other Wikipedia articles, like in the Loughborough article, for example. Best of luck. Chevy  monte  carlo  22:07, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Petejgriffin/64barmusic
Hi, I'm requesting feedback as I'm a wikipedia newbie. I'm afraid I've created the page in the wrong place as it's set against my user page?

Thanks for taking the tmie to provide feedback

pete

Petejgriffin (talk) 11:00, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

Siobhan Owen Wiki page Feedback
I have rewritten parts of this wiki to remove or replace wording that promoted the subject without imparting verifiable information. I have also cited independent sources that support the characterization. Could someone please review the page and give further feedack. Thank you.

Siobhanowen (talk) 13:48, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Peteashton/Friends Of The Stars
Have written a page for a band. Am aware notability is a nightmare for bands. Would appreciate feedback.

Peteashton (talk) 15:17, 12 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Please understand I have no axe to grind at the expense of bands. So I'm just responding to your comment about notability being a nightmare for small bands. It is. But really, you can see for yourself what could be in store for you. The problem is the guidelines listed at WP:BAND. Can the band claim item 1, subject of multiple, non-trivial yadayada works? – No, only the paragraph in Counteract Magazine (although its a good comment and more than some bands have. Can you find more like this?) Can the band claim item 2, single on a chart? – No :( Can they claim item 5, two or more released albums on a major or important indie label? – Not yet. Those were the areas I had most hope of... These are the objections that are likely to be raised. Now if you can fit the band clearly in one of the ten categories, good. I didn't see it, so I would suggest that you make any such claim express. I'll say good luck with the article, but you see what you need to do. Tkotc (talk) 23:10, 15 February 2011 (UTC)

PLACE A LINK TO YOUR ARTICLE HERE
--65.34.138.69 (talk) 18:59, 12 February 2011 (UTC) --65.34.138.69 (talk) 18:59, 12 February 2011 (UTC)--65.34.138.69 (talk) 18:59, 12 February 2011 (UTC)--65.34.138.69 (talk) 18:59, 12 February 2011 (UTC)Please identify the exact location of the source of the West river. contact me at : W.E.Brown__1583 Rt.100,Plymouth,Vt.05056 (THANKS))

65.34.138.69 (talk) 18:59, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitasound
Davidlooser (talk) 19:25, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitasound
I would be grateful if somebody would review this article for me.

Davidlooser (talk) 19:26, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Xeroxboy/Shrag
This is my first wiki article, and wanted some general feedback to check that I'm on the right lines with formatting and tone.

Xeroxboy (talk) 19:43, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

Sinyavsky–Daniel trial
I have replaced the original stub with this somewhat expanded article. I tried to include as many sources in English as possible. A quick check by a native English speaker would be appreciated. Remarks and edits concerning the formalities are also welcome — for instance, I was not sure on the policy regarding references in Cyrillic: should the titles be transliterated? Nkrita (talk) 20:53, 12 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Let me list a couple of changes you might want to make. Mind you this is simply an opinion. I have no special claim to expertise as a grammarian or stylist. (1) In the first paragraph maybe it is better to say it was "a" trial against writers... I think "the" is not the article that best fits here. (2) Same paragraph. Was this particular show trial the mark of the end of liberalism, or was the procedure of using show trials in general the mark? If the former, say "this show trial". If the latter say "the show trial procedure". (3) The Trial. Paragraph 3. See below. (4) Internal reaction. It would be clearer to say he expressed sympathies for "the" execution of the defendants. Even there, the use of "sympathies" is a bit confusing. Did he "express approval of suggestions that the defendants should be executed"? Or did he in fact call for their execution? Those might be a better alternative ways to put it. Suggested revision "3" follows:


 * ... under Article 70 of the RSFSR Criminal code, anti-Soviet agitation and propaganda, which deals with "propaganda conducted for the purpose of undermining the state". The article was applied to fiction for the first time in this case.


 * I cannot answer your question about translating titles of references. You could also ask at the Wikipedia Help Desk about that.


 * By the way, a really nice article. Tkotc (talk) 08:05, 16 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Thank you very much for your detailed feedback! I have incorporated your suggestions into the article. Nkrita (talk) 03:53, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

Pandemonium effect
I would like you to review my article about the Pandemonium effect in nuclear physics measurements.

Meea (talk) 21:10, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

Rhon_Mizrachi
I have just posted an article about Rhon Mizrachi. I am sending this through to get feedback on the article as well as to remove its "unreviewed" status.

Victornyc01 (talk) 22:01, 12 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Iam7/RogelioMills
I wrote an article about Rogelio Mills/Roger Mills and was looking for a review and some general feedback before I submit it.

Iam7 (talk) 00:25, 13 February 2011 (UTC)