Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 February 17

A_Sound_Theory
Alagazbud (talk) 00:23, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * You need references to establish notability. Look at WP:BAND. You might also want to look at Manual of Style (layout). The tone is not at all suitable for an encyclopedia article, an example being "So in the meantime, go listen to their 3 demo trax on Facebook and show them the love". You should also at least do a cursory proofreading pass on an article prior to submitting it for feedback. Tkotc (talk) 08:56, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Secantline/Joshua's Tract Conservation and Historic Trust
this is my first page, I would like general feedback. And I would like to know how if the Benjamin Trumbull book is referenced correctly. It is reference 4 - should it be in "Bibliography" or in "references"? It is online at google books but I cannot figure how to get a link to it.

Secantline (talk) 01:41, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm envious at what a nice job you did. It is easier to show you how to do the Trumbull reference than to explain it. I edited your article and changed it; take a look. I used the "cite book" template found at Citation templates, filled in the blanks, did some delete/backspacing to remove linefeeds, and pasted it between the ref tags. You will need to go back to the page in the book you are using to support the statement at ref 4, copy and paste the URL from that page in place of the one I used, and fill in the page number at the appropriate spot in the template. It's a slick system. Also great for referencing web pages. Since the book is already described in the inline reference in your article, there is no need to put it in a bibliography section. As a picky format point, proofread your article and move the ref tags (hence the footnotes) outside the punctuation marks. Presently half are in and half are out. No intervening space. Nice job. Tkotc (talk) 07:28, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Looks good, but the external links throught the article are inappropraite as set out in the first sentence of External links. I know you will see them in other articles, but they are mostly wrong to be there as well. Some of these external links should be removed from the body and added to the EL section at the very bottom, others should be changed into references, and the rest should simply be deleted. Other than that the article is ready to go, if you need help with the ELs, or have questions, feel free to ask me. Passionless   -Talk  07:56, 18 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Given that the first sentence of the External links reference is decidedly unclear, I just fixed them for the author myself.Tkotc (talk) 06:50, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Nbjaycees/Newport_Beach_Jaycees
Hello, any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you..

Nbjaycees (talk) 02:07, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Your article is nicely laid out and attractive to read (remove the "new article content" phrase), but you need to add references establishing "notability". To see what I mean, take a look at WP:ORG. Tkotc (talk) 08:32, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Queenkatiecocoa/Sunshine Committee
I am new to wikipedia and really want this article to come to fruition. I don't know too much about computers or internet editing, though I have done a significant amount of writing. I think this concept is just hilarious and awesome, and very true. We have one in my city, and the democratic committee in my area. Help! Thanks!

Queenkatiecocoa (talk) 02:30, 17 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Here are some notes on some technical difficulties it appears you have been experiencing while writing the article. The first time around this can be a bit overwhelming, compounded by the difficulty of finding where the answers are. Whatever the outcome of this article, thank you for writing this up and I hope all these technicalities, which can be frustrating the first time around, don't discourage you.


 * To properly mark up the article, look at Cheatsheet. The order and rank of subheads and stuff is at Manual of Style (layout).


 * Your "See also" is out of order and the wrong size. (Easy to fix.) But if you are trying to incorporate a link to a Wikipedia article, I think it would be better to describe it in your article and do a Wikilink there.


 * You have four items under references, but there are no inline references in the article. Take a look at Citing sources to see how to do this.


 * I fixed the link in your article to the other Wikipedia article (we call these "wikilinks"). All you need is the article title inside double brackets, not the full URL.


 * I added the foregoing to give you some hints on the technical aspects of writing an article. However, the first thing that needs to be on the agenda when writing any article is to establish "notability". Please take a look at Notability. At this point I'm not sure you have done this. You may need to perform more research. Tkotc (talk) 07:54, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

User:MiChelliechellie/ Ronnie Wells
This is my first article for Wikipedia about jazz vocalist Ronnie Wells and I would appreciate some feedback.Thanks

MiChelliechellie (talk) 04:44, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * You seem to know a lot about this singer and have the makings of a good article. The problem right now is that you need to provide inline references for the things that you have said. To get an idea how to do this, look at Citing sources. With a little bit more work you can make much better references using the templates at Citation templates. I hope that between Yanow and the obit you can back all this up. I fixed the Allmusic link, the wikimarkup for the subheads, and did some wikilinks for you. Tkotc (talk) 08:25, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

phooli
117.205.1.66 (talk) 06:22, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

Pasir Ris Elias Community Club
Pasir Ris Elias Community Club is a network of People's Association. This is a place for residents of Pasir Ris West to gather, networking and participate event organise by People's Association.

Official link is below: http://www.pa.gov.sg/locate-our-centres/details/pasir-ris-elias-community-club-62.html

Leecs1919 (talk) 09:44, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Monojoy/Click Asia Summit
Please help me update this page with more information and help me with the Wikipedia formatting. i wish is was as easy to format as MS Word or Blogger. I'm sure Wikipedia would have many more contributors who're now intimidated by code.

Monojoy (talk) 11:02, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * The markup for the references is . The Citation templates are at Citation templates. The "Cite web" template works well for web pages. I changed one in your article to show how to do this. Ask if you have other formatting questions. Tkotc (talk) 07:30, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coherent_Solutions
Hello everyone! I have updated this article and added some references (as had been recommended earlier). I would appreciate if I could receive a feedback on that. Thanks a lot! Proactivesa (talk) 12:05, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Checkcopy/Roopinder
After the feedback that I got, the article has been cleaned up, more sources added and it has been given categories. Grateful if someone could check out the page. If it is OK, please approve it. I now want to move on to the next one! Thank You for your time and expertise.

Checkcopy (talk) 12:08, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

User:mattador79/Appointments_Bi-Language
Hi there. Please provide feedback to my first article!

I used two printed sources. Have I referenced them correctly?

Thanks!

Mattador79 (talk) 12:12, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

User:jasonwithey
i gained the chemical's properties from lookchem and have done some work reseaching from other websites please provide the discoverer of the chemical and it's history since i have found contradictory information.

Jasonwithey (talk) 12:33, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

Vienna_International_Hotelmanagement_AG
Hi

I put this article online as a translation of the german wikipdia entry (http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vienna_International_Hotelmanagement). on german wikipedia it has been online and approved for a while .... hope to achieve the same on the english version :-)

cheers

Vienna International (talk) 16:01, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

WM_Hunt
Just moved this out of my drafts. Looking for feedback!

108.21.10.133 (talk) 16:35, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

Administrative Reforms Commission
The Administrative Reforms Commission or ARC is the committee appointed by Government of India for giving recommendations for reviewing the public administration system of India. This request is to review the article as I have added substantial material to try and bring it up to the standard of Wikipedia. Please advise if there are still improvements to be made and whether it is acceptable for the general consumption of the public. abhishek singh 16:42, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

I have cleaned up the article grammatically and also edited it for consistency. It reads well. Keep it up. User:CheckcopyCheckcopy

War_of_the_Rebellion_Atlas
Please review this, my first article for WP, and provide feedback. The entry provides information on the War of the Rebellion Atlas, a U.S. government publication consisting of maps and other illustrations based on materials generated during the American Civil War. I look forward to constructive, positive feedback.

Wolfsolvesproblems (talk) 16:53, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I thought the article was very good and I took off the unreviewed article tag. I changed the Aimone reference to a "named" reference to facilitate its use in more than one place. If you wanted to improve the presentation of the bibliographic data, you could use the templates ("cite book") at Citation templates. This is just a cut, paste, fill in the blanks exercise; the resulting filled-in template goes between two ref tags as usual. The External link doesnt work when I click on it. I was going to enjoy looking at this thing. Maybe it's me or my firefox configuration, but please check that, as I am looking forward to looking at the maps. Tkotc (talk) 07:17, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Ethicsblogger/Wayne_Norman -- feedback on page about philosopher Wayne Norman
I'm seeking feedback on this article I've written about philosopher Wayne Norman. I posted as a sub-page of my user page because I may be in conflict of interest and want feedback before going forward. Thanks!

Ethicsblogger (talk) 17:29, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Having disclosed the nature of the conflict on the article talk page, you've pretty much disarmed the issue as long as you write a neutral tone article. Of course I'm in no position to guarantee anything; that's my opinion. Actually you are probably an ideal person to write it if you keep the tone neutral. Obviously you just set up a framework at this point. I think you should risk your time to complete it, maybe a fairly short version at first. I look forward to seeing the results; please post here in the Request for feedback area before you move it to mainspace. Tkotc (talk) 06:46, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

mudslide guitars
Help!

Aamayer73 (talk) 17:31, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Looked for a draft article and didn't see one. Tkotc (talk) 06:51, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

[]
I think I've taken care of the 'orphan' issue. I've added ACP Rail International to this page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transport_in_Europe in the 'See Also' section. Does this resolve the orphan issue?

Acprail (talk) 18:21, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

Doubled haploidy
This article has been tagged as being too technical for most readers to understand since 2007. I attempted to fix the problem (see "Revision history of Doubled haploidy" and "Talk:Doubled haploidy"), but could not arrive at a consensus for any course of action that would bring the article up to Wikipedia standards. Any suggestions as to how to proceed would be most appreciated.

Guy Macon 18:23, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

Auditor General of British Columbia
Any suggestions on information I should add, or other improvements? Thank you for your time!

REAN (talk) 18:45, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Kassidypaine7/Oliver Heritage Magazine
I am looking for feedback!

Kassidy Paine (talk) 19:01, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Please see note on this subject a few items down. Tkotc (talk) 06:55, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

Nbjaycees/Newport Beach Jaycees
Hello,

After posting my first article and requesting feedback, I would like to ask an Administrator to please delete my article. I was unaware of the issues with a username being too similar to the topic / article and was advised that this is frowned upon. I would like the opportunity to resubmit via a more appropriate username and after I add some more article references. Thank you for your assistance..

Nbjaycees (talk) 20:03, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

Oliver Heritage Magazine
Please give me feedback!!

66.116.13.227 (talk) 20:50, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * The article consists of ten paragraphs. One of them is about the magazine; nine are about it's editor. It seems like the article is more about the editor than the magazine. Also, I don't think you've established "notability" for the magazine. See WP:N for more information about this. You need some third party independent sources discussing the magazine (not merely mentioning it). Tkotc (talk) 06:22, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

User:WPMuckraker/Pathways in Technology Early College High School
Hoping to get this published soon - open to any feedback folks have on this.

It's a work in progress (the school, as well as the article), so details are largely gathered from informal sources. Thanks!

WPMuckraker (talk) 22:22, 17 February 2011 (UTC)

Roger Lee Hall
I'm new to this. I'd appreciate any feedback.

Hgailm (talk) 22:37, 17 February 2011 (UTC)
 * You seem to have had some help with the article from Tuneman42. It looks pretty good and the subject seems like a fair candidate for an article. Two things.


 * First, minor format issue, the Selected music section should probably be a bulleted list. See the guideline at MOS:APPENDIX and if you agree, add the bullets.


 * Second, the article is a biography of a living person. The facts you state must be verifiable by means of inline references to "reliable" sources. There needs to be something to show how you know all this. The biography noted in the External link won't work, because the subject is responsible for that page. On the question of what is a reliable source, see WP:RS and WP:RSEX. You can use the various Who's Who entries to verify such facts as they state. I highly recommend that when you think you have properly sourced the article, that you return to Requests for feedback for another pair of eyes to look at it. You'd be surprised how sensitive and tricky the references issue can be. Tkotc (talk) 06:10, 18 February 2011 (UTC)

Marcus Lyon, British Artist and Social Entrepreneur
Marcus Lyon (born 1965) is a British artist and social entrepreneur. After reading Political Science at Leeds University, Lyon worked as a photographer for Amnesty International in Guatemala. This led to an extensive range of photographic commissions in Latin America, Africa, Asia and North America on social and environmental issues. In 1996 he founded Glassworks an award-winning multi-disciplined art and design business working as an exhibition venue and centre of excellence for original artwork. In 1998 he founded Yard Co. an atelier of art studios and a gallery in central London.

AFS2010 (talk) 22:39, 17 February 2011 (UTC)