Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 February 3

Please check and give a reply...
Hajj Finance Company Limited

Rakhihusain (talk) 10:35, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Tagged for deletion as an advert; please see WP:BFAQ and WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 14:59, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

Sanjumon78: Please provide your feedback
Is ICFAI University Tripura providing quality education to the new generation of the country?

Sanjumon78 (talk) 12:36, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * This page is for help with editing articles - so we wouldn't have any opinion about that, sorry.  Chzz  ► 14:55, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Neely
This article is about an upcoming American-Taiwanese Singer, Anthony Neely. It needs to be reviewed by another person other than the creator. Assistance to do so would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

220.255.1.73 (talk) 13:24, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Although I cannot read the Taiwanese links, I don't think this passes the notability guidelines; see WP:VRS and WP:NMUSIC. As you say, he is "upcoming" - and therefore, at the moment, is probably not notable enough for an article. Sorry.  Chzz  ► 14:57, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * I also can not see the foreign links. Perhaps this person is not notable in the English-speaking world and therefore does not YET warrant an article on the English Wikipedia. Eric Cable  |  Talk  20:55, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

World Stroke Day
This is the first article I have created, so I would really appreciate feedback as to how it turned out! Thanks!!

Caker9 (talk) 13:24, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Almost all the refs are to the org website; primary sources are not enough; you need to show coverage in independent sources - WP:VRS.  Chzz  ► 15:02, 3 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I agree. I suggest you go to the library and search in the Reader's Guide to Peridoical Literature and find articles in good news magzines such as Newsweek, Time, etc. and use those for references. GOod Luck. Eric Cable  |  Talk  20:58, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Soycandles/Container Candles
Hi there. I have just written an article about the different types of container candles that are available on the market. This is my first article in Wikipedia and I would love some feedback. I tried to be as comprehensive as possible, citing reliable sources, even though there are few that I found helpful. Thank you for your time!

Soycandles (talk) 15:07, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

Wouldn't this information be of more use (easier to find) as a section in an existing article like candle or Soy candle? Eric Cable |  Talk  21:01, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Concur with Eric, I'd suggest taking this information and putting it into a section in one a broader article.GormtheDBA (talk) 16:41, 4 February 2011 (UTC)

Marton Museum
Would someone please review my article? It's my first one...

R husba (talk) 15:30, 3 February 2011 (UTC)
 * It's not a bad start but it does have some issues.


 * Having an infobox is nice, but are there really only three entries available? It looks a bit lonely, if more items could be added it would be nice.
 * The most important issue is that you have no references. (External links are not references). Check out Referencing for beginners
 * Is there a free picture of the museum? That would add a lot.
 * Are there pictures (not under copyright) of some of the items on display? -- SPhilbrick  T  01:52, 4 February 2011 (UTC)

Potomac Curling Club
New article, I had several looks and revisions in userspace, but please review now that it's in main. Thank you.

Assistance with formatting on some of the various references (particularly the non-online ones in History) would be appreciated

GormtheDBA (talk) 18:18, 3 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Impressive first article - if they were all like that we'd be out of a job ;) WP:CITE has a lot of info about how to format references. A tip that I didn't discover for ages, is to turn on reftools: go to My preferences (top right of your screen), Gadgets, and tick the refTools box. Then in your editing box there'll be an extra tool that makes formatting citations easier.


 * I've removed the "unreviewed" tag from the article. All the best, contact me if you have any questions. --Physics is all gnomes (talk) 22:19, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

Arnold Berleant
Hello, this is my first article and would like some feedback before I move it to Main. I would hate to see the page deleted so any advice would be appreciated.

Many thanks!

Aberleant (talk) 18:56, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Article link: User:Aberleant/Arnold Berleant


 * I have some random comments. (1) Because your username is the same as the subject of your article, there will be some concern that you are the subject of the article and therefore a conflict of interest would exist. See, WP:COI. The easiest way to address that issue is to say something about it on your user page. (2) The notes with a "*" need to be done differently. Look at WP:REFGROUP. This may be somewhat opaque at first. (3) References 2 and 3 are to an electronic publication from something called Mayday.org featuring an article by the subject. This reference does not support your notes. Also, I googled mayday group and the first item listed, www.maydaygroup.org, had a warning note appended by google or somewhere that "this site may be compromised". Other reviewers keep your eyes open. Your reference 4 is unnecessary because the book should be listed under Works. Reference 5 was to what appeared to be Temple U's bookselling page's promotional blurb. That page itself mentioned three journals that had reviewed the book that would be preferable sources of information about it. (4) The list of works should be a list: just put a "*" in front of each line. (5) External links should be a list too. The description of the External links could be a bit better. "Author's website" should refer to the subject by name. (6) Sensibility and Sense, mentioned at the end of the giant paragraph, is not properly included. OK, end of random observations.


 * The foregoing are matters of technical detail that can be easily dealt with. What follows is purely my personal opinion. I don't intend to be rude by this, and I hope you will consider it to improve your article. Overall the second paragraph looks and reads like it was cut and pasted from somewhere. The tone, diction -- none of it seems appropriate for a Wikipedia article. It reads like overblown promotional material. If this were rewritten with the objective of educating its audience instead of impressing it, the article would be a lot better. Just my opinion. Good luck with your article. Tkotc (talk) 03:15, 5 February 2011 (UTC)

Thank you for taking the time to give me some feedback on my first Wiki article. I will continue working on this one and ask again for feedback before publishing. Thanks again!

User:Zsyeaton/Wild Flag
This is my first article and I would like some feedback on content length, citations and links. Thank you.

Zsyeaton (talk) 19:04, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Not a bad biographical start, but you're very likely to run into issues of notability, as it appears this group does not meet the qualifications of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Notability_%28music%29 (abbreviated WP:BAND generally). I'd suggest taking a look at that page and making sure you can supply references meeting that criteria.  good luck! GormtheDBA (talk) 21:21, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Stephenalewis/Liberty Safe
Need help making sure this stub is appropriate, and ultimately post after necessary revisions. Most of the sources are from the manufacturer's website. However I strove to be objective and factual in the article. Wanted feedback before making public.

Thanks for your time and feedback!

Stephenalewis (talk) 20:45, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * As a general rule, if you can't find references outside of the company's website, it's probably not notable enough to pass the WP:NOTABILITY guidelines. A quick google and bing search didn't find much that was outside sales information.  I'd suggest researching and finding some cases where external sources discussed Liberty Safes.  Good Luck! GormtheDBA (talk) 16:38, 4 February 2011 (UTC)

User:EricCable/SimmonsBaker

 * I realize I used reference #1 A LOT in this article. Mr. Smith lists several references at the end of his work, but for me to cite those I would need to travel hundreds of miles and dig through piles and piles of 200-year-old documents, if available (Mr. Smith's work was published in 1979) I have made attempts to find better online cites, but have not.
 * In Mr. Smith's work (cite #1) he states that there is a portrait of John Simmons Baker hanging in the Grand Lodge of North Carolina Building in Raleigh. I have sent a couple emails inquiring about said portrait, but have received no response. I will attempt to find that portrait and take a photo of it when I visit the Grand Lodge this coming August. (I live in Charlotte)
 * Also, during my trip to Raleigh I will take a photo of the cornerstone of the State Capitol which bears Dr. Baker's name (if I can't find a photo otherwise in the mean time).
 * Regarding Notability: I'm sure I will meet notability arguments about this person. That being said I will argue that he was a community leader who studied at two of the most famous medical schools at the time, was a state legislator, was a state masonic grand master, laid the cornerstone of the state capitol, has a town in Florida named after his home, and a google search for "Simmons J. Baker" results in 8800 hits

Thank you for your kind consideration while reviewing this article.

Eric Cable |  Talk  20:46, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

Since there was no feedback here, I took the article live: Simmons Jones Baker Eric Cable  |  Talk  16:10, 4 February 2011 (UTC)


 * I might suggest adding the Mason stuff to the header paragraph, but aside from that, it looks very good to me. GormtheDBA (talk) 16:39, 4 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Burr-oak/Nagle Hartray Architecture
Hi, I've read the tutorials and tips available on Wikipedia about writing one's first article, but before publishing this I'd like to get feedback from someone with Wiki experience.

This is an article about the firm of Nagle Hartray Architecture, named Chicago AIA Firm of the Year in 2009. The firm has been featured in numerous professional and popular publications and has received over 75 awards in the last 40 years, as substantiated by the Wiki article's selected reference list. The article should establish without bias that this is a design firm whose work is widely recognized as "notable," thus deserving of documentation in Wikipedia. I'd really appreciate suggestions for improving this article.

Note: I am trying to coordinate inclusion of photography that has been released under a Creative Commons license, etc.

Thank you!

Burr Oak 20:54, 3 February 2011 (UTC) I think this is a really good start. You have some broken links (show up as red). Fix those or delete the links. Also, consider adding an infobox to the article like this one: CERT Group of Companies Eric Cable  |  Talk  21:07, 3 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Good start, lots of references! I think photos would be excellent. One pointer, in wikipedia you're not allowed to include external links in the main text, partly so readers don't get whisked away from wikipedia all the time, partly to discourage websites trying to advertise by sticking their links in. Links to other wikipedia pages are fine in the main text, but all the links to external websites need to be put into references, or put in the external links section. Regards --Physics is all gnomes (talk) 22:08, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

Thank you Eric, and thank you too Physics. The broken links, the possibility of an infobox, and removing external links from the body text are all things I can take care of! I really appreciate your help. Burr Oak 23:10, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

User:FlannyBabes/Blea Tarn
Could someone have a look at this and tell me if I've done it right...?

Thank you so much, Emily

FlannyBabes (talk) 21:08, 3 February 2011 (UTC)
 * Nice first article :) I love the lakes. It would be nice to know why its an SSSI, but their website doesn't seem very helpful! It would be great to have a picture, WP:PIC and WP:IUP explain about pictures on wikipedia. It's good that you have included lots of sources; at some point you should have a look at WP:CITE which explains how to format the references better. Overall, thumbs up. --Physics is all gnomes (talk) 21:58, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * Hay, the Wordsworth quote is dated "2010"! I think you can wikilink the National Trust. Its page is named "National Trust for Places of Historic Interest or Natural Beauty" if I have the right entity; and so I added a wikilink. I re-did the book reference for you, as they can be a pain. Also, I reformatted the poem to match the original. Nice article. Tkotc (talk) 03:49, 5 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Jimbrazell/Francis_X._Kane,_Ph.D.,_(Col,_USAF,_ret.)
Hi, I have sources and feel I have done this justice... I wrote this myself... Any comments? How many days do I have to wait to move it to a live Wikipedia post and not a draft? Many thanks wiki collaborators.. jim

Jimbrazell (talk) 21:23, 3 February 2011 (UTC)


 * There's no time limit for moving the article. My personal practice is to wait until it no longer shows up on Requests for Feedback (something like 5 days), so that it has the most chances to be commented upon. But that's just me.


 * Do you have some references for the things you say in the first and third paragraphs? Saying that someone is the engineer responsible for designing the Global Positioning System is a big claim; it would be nice to have a verifying document you could point to that says exactly that. I didn't study the references you gave, but I have to think you have something.


 * You mention a book Strategy of Technology, and then link to the Wikipedia article about the Strategy of Technology doctrine. If you want to have some kind of link to another Wikipedia article within the body of your own, you need to use wikilinks (using double braces around the title of the article). But here I think you want to cite Pournelle's book. So you need to gather the appropriate information and do that kind of ref. Let us know if you end up puzzled. Interesting person and article. Tkotc (talk) 04:13, 5 February 2011 (UTC)

[[Untitled] the good titles for the movie of the track is "clockers" not "crooklyn"
93.31.219.138 (talk) 21:47, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

User:T_bombadil/Maximo_Riera revision
This is an article about the artist Maximo Riera. I think I´ve done everything right (related sources, etc...) but please let me know if you find any mistake. Thank you for your time

T bombadil (talk) 21:52, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

User:T_bombadil/Maximo_Riera
Please let me know if the article contains any mistake (related sources, ....) Thank you

T bombadil (talk) 21:53, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Grapebeans/Alex_%22Bgirl_Shorty%22_Welch
Hi! I would love some feedback so this could go live! It would have helped me to know this information on here for my Bgirl project for English last semester. THANKS SO MUCH!!!

Grapebeans (talk) 23:46, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

User:RickNewcombe/Alberta_political_party_policy_comparison
Is this a reasonable format to have all parties submit their policy statements for the topics listed? Hoping to create a single resource for voters to go and compare party policy statements. Contributors time and feedback is greatly appreciated.

RickNewcombe (talk) 01:42, 4 February 2011 (UTC)