Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 January 13

Terrance Zdunich
First article I've worked on from a stub. I know there are formatting inconsistencies on the references (and I need to write them to avoid link rot) but content thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Besprayed (talk) 04:19, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Nice article, I thought the content was good. Given the length of the article, the lead could be longer than a sentence - maybe another sentence or two saying what work he is most known for? Very minor quibble: the phrase "Creatively frustrated..." left me wondering why - is there a quote or a reference that could explain this?


 * There is an article that says that there as a reference, but maybe not close enough to the sentence to find it. I was confused on what to do if one link was used for more than one spot? Post it twice? Besprayed (talk) 20:11, 19 January 2011 (UTC)


 * The only real problem with the article is its references. For verifiability, the references need to back up whatever the article is claiming. So for example, the article says Zdunich worked on Fox’s television series Bones, but the link given in the reference doesn't mention Zdunich, as far as I could tell. (I fixed the "what we do is secret" link, so it now goes to a full cast and crew list that mentions Zdunich). It's a bit of a pain, but they need going through and checking with a fine-tooth comb at some point.--Physics is all gnomes (talk) 14:09, 15 January 2011 (UTC)


 * I think I had just linked to the Bones IMDB page inline? But Bones is on *his* IMDB page for sure. I will check again. Thanks! Besprayed (talk) 20:11, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

Slaves and the Civil War
what do you think??

129.170.241.160 (talk) 04:27, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Albina Bulatova/Governance and Problem Analysis Center
Good afternoon,

Would you be so kind to view my article - I will add more pictures and realiable sources later. Can it be placed on Wikipedia at current stage?

Albina Bulatova (talk) 07:22, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Purringtiggra/Enter your new article name here
Please give me feedback on the second draft of this page.

Ta

195.60.2.104 (talk) 13:00, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

How do I contact Julia Baird?
How can I contact Julia Baird?

84.37.29.138 (talk) 13:37, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Sounds like you are asking at the wrong place.-- SPhilbrick  T  21:21, 16 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Jonathanwallace/What is a Nation%3F
Draft article on Ernst Renan's 1882 essay, "What is a Nation?", frequently quoted and anthologized in books on nationalism such as Benedict Anderson's Imagined Communities.

Jonathanwallace (talk) 13:55, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * While I didn't read it closely, I see concerns about Original Research. For example, four of the six sections after the lede have no references (including sections containing direct quotes!). The section "continued consent" contains a single footnote, simply noting a common translation. Wikipedia is a tertiary source, we intend to summarize what others, in secondary sources, have already said. Original research is great, but it doesn't belong here. If the unreferenced section are not your research, but a summarization of what others have said, then the references need to be added. --  SPhilbrick  T  21:29, 16 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for taking a look. I will add more third party sources. However, since the subject is an essay by Ernst Renan, itself an act of synthesis and arguably a secondary source on nationalism, I spent several paragraphs summarizing the clear statements Renan makes. Do you really think I need to refer to other sources just to describe Renan's arguments? Most of the articles about books and essays here use the work itself for summary; see To Kill a Mockingbird or perhaps more pertinently, Imagined Communities, a more recent work citing Renan. Jonathanwallace (talk) 23:20, 16 January 2011 (UTC)

Nancy Elizabeth
I just added a page that I hope should be okay for a musician friend of mine. I feel I should send this as it is suggested, but I have followed all the rules, got enough sources and therefore imagine it will be fine.

Strongweak (talk) 15:25, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Cool, looks good to me. I removed the "unreviewed article" tag.--Physics is all gnomes (talk) 13:26, 15 January 2011 (UTC)

St%C3%A9phane Tortajada
My article is new and unreviewed. What can I do to make it reviewed? I have added multiple sources, are more sources needed? How can I add links to certain words? How do I get someone more experienced to help me improve the article? C2051869 (talk) 16:21, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * You didn't ask about this directly, but I would suggest you use the "cite web" template at Citation templates for your references. Copy, fill in the blanks as best you can, and paste between the "ref" tags.


 * You clearly know how to do references, so I am not sure what kind of link you wish to make to "certain words". If you elaborate, maybe I can tell you.


 * You mention companies and educational institutions in your article that may themselves be subjects of Wikipedia articles. Look for opportunities to make Wikilinks to such articles.


 * There are a number of acronyms in the article that make it rather cryptic to me. If these are the proper corporate names, not much can be done (other than perhaps a Wikilink to an explanatory article as mentioned above). But if EDF, IEP, M&A, HSBC, DTC, SOFILO, GGF and EDEV are convenience acronyms and the legal name of the entity is longer and perhaps more instructive, then use the legal name.


 * Look carefully at Notability (people) and make sure your article clearly claims a basis for your subject's notability, preferably in its opening sentence.


 * With respect to help improving your article, you might try looking at WikiProject Biography. There it says the project maintains a talk page where you can make other editors aware of your project and solicit collaboration. Tkotc (talk) 09:00, 14 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Jedi Koloche/SICM Mahfil Ali
General Structure and references suitable for further completing the article or are major changes required?

Jedi Koloche (talk) 19:06, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Jedi Koloche/SICM Mahfil Ali
General Structure and references suitable for further completing the article or are major changes required?

Jedi Koloche (talk) 19:08, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

Pathogen Reduction Using Riboflavin and UV Light
Please help me in addiding feedback as to if you believe this article is notable and in line with the Wiki Guidelines. Thanks

PREMIS2010 (talk) 19:19, 13 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Kassidypaine7/Oliver Heritage Magazine
Kassidy Paine (talk) 19:27, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * It's nice to see references, the usual bane of new editors. However, while you have some references, none qualify as independent. You will need some independent sources to establish Notability.


 * You also should take a look at Manual of Style generally; specifically look at LAYOUT.


 * The tone is a bit on the promotional side. Phrasing such as "Sherry Schaefer digs into her extensive collection of literature" and "Determined to share her knowledge and love of tractors with the world" are not the type of phrasing one expects in an encyclopedia article.


 * Good luck. I've spent many hours sitting in the seat of a tractor, so wouldn't mind seeing this pulled together well.-- SPhilbrick  T  22:12, 16 January 2011 (UTC)

Alison Van Pelt
I don't understand why the links i recently added only show up as squares, as opposed to titled links. I'm trying to de-orphan the page but don't understand how it can be done if the links aren't showing up correctly. can you please help me. thankns

Artfan300 (talk) 20:27, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * See, External links. This is done by skipping a space after the end of the URL you enclose in brackets, and then writing the descriptive phrase you wish to show. Look at how "Profile of L.A. Art House" was done in the External links section of the Van Pelt article for an example. If you are trying to de-orphan the page, are you providing links to the page from other Wikipedia articles?Tkotc (talk) 08:05, 14 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Doctorsamchiu5/Doxim Inc.
Can you please give me a review of my article so far and whether I can publish it online?

Doctorsamchiu5 (talk) 21:32, 13 January 2011 (UTC)


 * It is already a live article. Please see Talk:Doxim_Inc.. Thanks,  Chzz  ► 16:42, 9 February 2011 (UTC)

User:Johnso1943/Minnesota Military Museum
- This is my first article for Wikipedia. I think it meets the standards but would appreciate suggestions for improvement.

Johnso1943 (talk) 21:59, 13 January 2011 (UTC)
 * I thought the article was well written. My only reservation was that there is a lot of verbiage that doesn't seem directly supported by referenced supporting material, but it's not too different in that regard from Grand Army of the Republic Hall (Litchfield, Minnesota), so I would guess that it's safe to post. Nevertheless, in the future, to develop the article you could keep looking for some kind of documentation of the information stated in the article.Tkotc (talk) 08:27, 14 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Grant892/Bob Mortimer (evangelist)
I just started this article. Is it good enough to post yet? Thanks, this is my first article.

Grant892 (talk) 02:55, 14 January 2011 (UTC)