Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 January 19

User:CompetingValues/JeffDeGraff
This page outlines the career and qualifications for Professor Jeff DeGraff. The user profile and article been created at his request. This article has four different links to verifiable sources, establishes why he is note worthy, and provides unbiased information on his career. Please point out any areas that would prevent it from being posted as an article on the main site.

Thanks very much. — Preceding unsigned comment added by CompetingValues (talk • contribs)
 * Thanks for asking for our input - I'm not sure you're going to like all my responses, but your willingness to ask for others' views is very much appreciated.


 * First, the good news:
 * The article includes external links that help to verify some of its content.
 * It looks to me as though the subject probably meets the standards at WP:PROF, and would therefore be suitable as the subject of an encyclopedia article.


 * I also, though, have some serious concerns:


 * Firstly, and most critically, I'd like to make sure you're aware of our conflict of interest (COI) policy. This advises all users to exercise extreme caution when editing on subjects with which they have a personal affiliation. Because you say the article was created per its subject's request, and because your username is identical with the name of the company the article identifies as associated with the subject, this policy appears to apply to you.
 * The username in particular may be a concern, since "promotional" usernames representing companies and usernames implying an account belongs to a group instead of a single person are both prohibited. Have a look at this page for details.
 * Returning to the point that the subject requested the article: here it's important to understand that no individual "owns" any of the articles in Wikipedia, and no one is given permission even to control even their own biographies. All articles can be edited by anyone, and users attempting to manage their own profiles on Wikipedia often fall afoul of our COI guidelines (as discussed above). This can be a frustrating and confusing experience for someone who thinks they're just protecting their own reputation, but it's part of the nature of Wikipedia. Something to bear in mind.
 * To make a strong case for the subject's notability, the page would need to include links to substantial coverage of the subject in reliable sources independent of the subject - books, journals, and newspapers, for example, rather than university and company profile pages. I'm confident that these kinds of sources would exist for this subject, but they're not listed here yet.
 * Though you note in your comment here that the page takes a neutral point of view, unsourced phrases like "leading expert" are regarded here as "peacock phrases" and could contribute to the impression of non-neutrality.


 * I'd suggest for now that you start by reading the pages about conflict of interest very thoroughly, and proceed from there. Gonzonoir (talk) 14:20, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Tkotc/Harry Lincoln Saylor
Another Gutenberg author lacking an article. Comments welcome. Actually, the guy's name is Sayler, and I have it right in the article (and would move the article "live" to the correct name.

Tkotc (talk) 01:31, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Fascinating article, and I think it's ready to move into the main article space. I made a few tweaks; these are my further comments:
 * Is all the material in the para beginning "Sayler graduated..." sourced to the same work (the Journal of the Illinois State Historical Society article cited at the end of the para)? It's slightly unclear at the moment whether that cite applies to the whole para or just the final sentence. In any case, it would be great to find further supporting material for that paragraph, though it's adequate for mainspace as it stands.
 * Your external link to "works by First Last" at Project Gutenberg needs the real values filling in
 * The two books listed in the "external links" section aren't actually readable online. Did you use offline copies in building the article? If so, I'd suggest renaming your current "references" section to "footnotes": placing those books under a new "references" heading, and leaving only the Gutenberg link in "external links". If you didn't use the books but want readers to be aware they exist, I'd add a "further reading" section header for them instead.
 * Otherwise I think this is looking good. Nice work. Gonzonoir (talk) 10:09, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks kindly for your thorough review. I went back to check the external references and *click* the text appeared before my very eyes, so I wasn't quite sure what to make of that. They are viewable online. I mostly always cite materials viewable online for these articles. Thanks again. It's always nice for someone to actually read these things. You may be the first and only. Tkotc (talk) 17:31, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Khouryc/Sari_Ibrahim_Khoury
I have written an artist's biographical entry on the deceased Palestinian-American artist and scholar, Sari Ibrahim Khoury. This is my first wikipedia entry as a registered user. It covers the artist's early life, his own writings and reflections on that, his career, and other artist's views on his style. I have included multiple external references embedded in the entry, along with external paper and book publications that discuss his work. I have additional sources I intend to include, but hope I've made a good start ensuring reliable sources.

Khouryc (talk) 03:25, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Great first article. More sources are good if you have them, but I see you've made a good start already with referencing. The "Emigration and Career in the United States" section seemed a bit illogically ordered: it might be better in chronological order, or maybe split into a section about his teaching and a section about his exhibitions. Regards, --Physics is all gnomes (talk) 17:41, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

destined for greatness
I have just put in a short note of the title Destined for greatness. This is my first time using Wikipedia and I must have made a mistake of deleting another persons details who used the same title for his album. However I noticed that the album which uses the same name came in much later than the book. The book which took many months to be published was finally out on November 2010. The writer who is not from United States had no idea that someone was working on the same title.

The book was mentioned not as a sale but as a honest truth as mentioned by many readers. It is one of its kind written by a Malaysian lady. It addresses many issues that prevents many people especially Asians from pushing through limitation and being the persons they are destined to be.

Kindly do not remove my article but verify it first.

Thank you so much

Christina2512

Christina2512 (talk) 03:55, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * On your talk page it says the article was tagged for speedy deletion. If you re-create the article, I would suggest that you use the Article Wizard and create the initial draft in your userspace (the wizard guides you through this process). Then come here for feedback, and only then post to the main Wikipedia. Tkotc (talk) 17:44, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dela_Cruz_English_Club_(DCEC)
The Dela Cruz English Club (DCEC) article is about a small-sized English conversation school in Saitama, Japan. It is a slowly-growing company despite the declining market due to the fall of large names such as Nova and GEOS. It has had collaborations with two prestigious universities in Japan, Saitama University and Keio University. The sources for the article are credible, can be verified, and there are third-party references also in the article.

Mlb japan (talk) 04:55, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

Volly
Hi, I have created an article for Volly, a new secure digital delivery system released on January 6th by Pitney Bowes. The innovative nature of this service has generated a significant responses & follow up discussion regarding digital mail which has been referenced in my article with links to eight independent third-party sources. Appreciate any help to further improve the article as it has been marked "for speedy deletion" FULL DISCLOSURE: I work for Pitney Bowes.

Anetanhall (talk) 04:56, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Another speedy deletion nomination. See above for suggestion. Tkotc (talk) 17:45, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

1978–79 Wigan Athletic F.C. season
Hi,

If someone could review this article I'd appreciate it. I've added some sources, but it's difficult to find many.

J Mo 101 (talk) 12:23, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siti_Nurhaliza_discography
I've created this article back in December, 2010 and so far appropriate links have been added and this article is an article for Siti Nurhaliza's discography. There are still rooms for improvement and it will be nice having a third party overseeing this project. :)

SyFuel Ignite Burned 14:35, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_Health_Fund
I have created the page for Children's Health Fund and believe I have properly cited the article. Please let me know if there is anything that needs to be clarified. Thank you in advance for your help.

cmcfee 15:04, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathogen_Reduction_Using_Riboflavin_and_UV_Light
I have the "new unreviewed article" tag at the top of my article and was wondering if an administrator has to review the article in order to remove that tag, or if any editor can review the article. Please help to review my article please. Thank you.

PREMIS2010 (talk) 16:01, 19 January 2011 (UTC)


 * I've left some comments at Talk:Pathogen reduction using riboflavin and UV light SmartSE (talk) 19:56, 20 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dude4476/Alcatraz_Media,_Inc.
Hello,

I'd like to get feedback on a Wikipedia article. Does it sound neutral enough? Are there enough references and external links?

Dude4476 (talk) 16:29, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Can_I_Have_5_Minutes_Of_Your_Time%3F
This article is about a book written by Hal Becker, a well respected expert on sales and customer service.

Janneyw (talk) 16:30, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * The article seems like an undisguised infomercial for the book. Tkotc (talk) 17:51, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Pressdingteam/tenBennys_(Rapper)
Awaiting confirmation

Pressdingteam (talk) 17:09, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * I think your article has three problems. First is the conflict of interest problem WP:COI that arises where a Wikipedia page is being used for promotion by someone with an interest in the thing being promoted. This seems apparent from your user name and the pressding URL referenced in your article. Second, your lead paragraph doesn't clearly establish that your subject is a notable musician as Wikipedia defines the term. Look at the list of 12 criteria under WP:BAND and see where he fits. If you can find a slot for him, we get to problem 3: weak references. The You Tube materials, for example, are better used as External References. (Also, when I click on the itunes link, nothing comes up on my browser.) What you need is to support whatever version of notability you use with non-trivial, reliable, and independent published works. Otherwise, your article seems to do a good job describing its subject. Tkotc (talk) 18:11, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/User:Crizmon/Triaxial_Earthquake_and_Shock_Simulator_%28TESS%29
I am helping out some colleagues by creating a page in my user drafts. I think it meets the minimum requirements, but would like to make sure before I move it from my user space. After I move it, there are others that have further additions to the page - namely video, images, much more detail and scholarly article links.

Again, the main thing I want to know is if this meets minimum requirements so I can move out of my private space so that others can add more to the article.

Thanks in advance.

Crizmon (talk) 18:03, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sales_and_use_taxes_in_California#Rates
I would like some ideas on how to improve this article.

Larrytheordinarydragon (talk) 19:48, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

Montage Image Mosaic Software
This is my first Wikipedia article. Please review and advise. Thanks!

Mharbut (talk) 20:50, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Cornelison
Just added a new page. Would like a review. Thanks.

Shpiders (talk) 21:02, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * I'd like to see your article succeed, so what I would suggest is that you go back and look at the awards. See if you can find some additional documentation on the web about him having received them and whatever detail you can find about the awards. The question will come down to "notability" (see WP:BAND for description). I wouldn't say you don't have a bare minimum right now -- maybe you do. But additional reliable independent sources of information bearing on the notability issue are worth their weight in gold.
 * And the External References should be in a list (put a "*" in front of each item). Good luck! Tkotc (talk) 06:18, 21 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Lee_Shaffer
Hey there, just made my new article live and I'm looking for feedback of any kind. thanks if you look!

Rdelamater (talk) 21:48, 19 January 2011 (UTC)
 * This is an interesting article, but it has a major problem: it is a very close paraphrase of the copyrighted material at http://www.garyshafferartist.com/bio.html. Wikipedia cannot accept copyright material, and this is so close to the source text that I am afraid I have tagged it as a copyright violation. If you own the external site and want to donate the content to Wikipedia, or if you want to attempt a rewrite avoiding all copyright infringement, you can do so over the next week; after that the article is likely to be deleted. I will place some links on your user talk page explaining how to proceed further. Gonzonoir (talk) 11:53, 20 January 2011 (UTC)

User:Tkotc/W. Allison Sweeney
Sweeney is another Project Gutenberg author without an article. Sweeney was a black newspaperman, editor, and newspaper owner during the critical beginning of the 20th Century, and associate of Booker T. Washington and W. E. B. Du Bois. He is in Project Gutenberg for a treatise on Black American soldiers in World War I. Comments welcome, especially on use of "black" and "African-American" in the article. Tkotc (talk) 22:11, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

Tkotc (talk) 22:11, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

User:DavidABalch/Nightshift_(Oxford_Music_Magazine)
Hi, I've added a new page about Nightshift, Oxford's long-running independent music magazine, and would appreciate any feedback before moving it out of my User area.

DavidABalch (talk) 22:18, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Requests_for_feedback
Is this too chatty? DO I have too many references and links? Also I am trying to link to verifiable sources but I need to access videos only found on youtube which prove the actor's experience and they are long lost episodes boefre imbd listed them Should I cut it to just a few lines which link back ot the people I can prove she worked with? Also I can not change the title yet--why?

DannyBoyROse (talk) 01:02, 20 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Article link: User:DannyBoyROse/new article name here


 * Article name issue: The article wizard should have helped you with this, but you probably just filled it out wrong. Not to worry. If and when the article is moved to "mainspace", you can fill in the appropriate name at that time.


 * At this time I wouldn't say the article is necessarily too chatty, but it would be much easier to evaluate after you have taken the necessary step of correctly inserting your references into the article. On to that in a second, but before you do a lot of work, please review the section on notability, because how you structure your article and where you place your references is largely driven by the need to demonstrate notability. See, WP:ENT and review carefully. The criteria there that apply have to be verified by your references.


 * Inline references. This is how you do it. Everything goes between two tags: . What's everything? Go to Citation templates and cut and paste the template "cite web" or "cite book" or "cite journal" as the reference requires. Fill in the blanks. Then you can make it all flow on a line by deleting or backspacing at the end of each line as necessary. The whole blob between and including the 🇦🇩 tags goes inside the pair of "ref" tags. Make sure only to use "reliable" sources. The "linkedin" can only be used perhaps as an External link.


 * External links. They should be in a list (each one preceded by a '*'). When you list them, you should have a descriptive phrase for the link. This is how you do it. My descriptive phrase . That is, use a space after the URL then write something.


 * Good luck. Tkotc (talk) 18:56, 20 January 2011 (UTC)