Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 July 21

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Skallikat/Fantasy_Studios
I would love to get feed your feedback on this article I have started about a recording studio in Berkeley, CA. It surprisingly does not have one yet, but has some definite value in music history. I believe I have enough sources but would appreciate feedback on that as well. I haven't made any inter-wikipedia links yet but that will come once I am approved for the web.

Thank you!

Skallikat (talk) 01:29, 21 July 2011 (UTC)


 * I'm reviewing this one as it is very similar to others I've worked on. Binksternet (talk) 02:22, 27 July 2011 (UTC)

Laney Stewart
I need feedback on my article. I think its all pretty solid so far.

Randbfan1980 (talk) 01:36, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Σ/Coal ball
I'm sure I have enough sources, but is there anything to improve (other than the Lorem ipsum at the bottom - I'll get to that later)?

I want to see if I can singlehandedly get an article to B-class.

-- Σ talkcontribs 03:23, 21 July 2011 (UTC)


 * I'm not going to get an answer, am I? -- Σ  talk  contribs  22:53, 10 August 2011 (UTC)

Flux (software company)
This is a rewritten article that was previously composed by a marketing person and was too promotional. Please let me know if it still needs toning down.

Ammowriter (talk) 05:00, 21 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Evidently it did, because it is already deleted. One suggestion might be to start it in your user space, that is at Special:Mypage/Flux (software company) for example. Then ask for feedback before publishing. Ah, I just noticed it re-appeared for a third time. This time it was just two sentences without any attemtp to satisfy the notability rules. If there are no mentions of it in the press, for example (other than its own press releases or advertorials), that usually means it does not qualify. W Nowicki (talk) 18:20, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Askjayaa/myBantu
I have further modified and added external links to the article based on suggestions and would like to know if it is ready to be moved. Please advise.

Askjayaa (talk) 06:48, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broad_Group
Hi, this is my first article. Would welcome feedback!

The article is about a Chinese company that has been reported alot in Chinese media regarding its green policies. I was lucky to find some bigger English publishers who have also reported on it and compiled a page here. Thanks!

Wkamyiu (talk) 07:58, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Euscyhe/Enter_your_new_article_name_here
I am looking for feedback on my first article about an aquaintance of mine. I became interested in his background after attend the read for his new musical here in Dallas last fall. We attend the same church and I interviewed him for this article. I would like to particularly recieve feedback on how to create references...I have included websites with information about Ken.

Thanks in advance

Euscyhe (talk) 12:29, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Wax_Center
I've posted many sources....what do I do? The request for feedback from says that we need more reliable sources...please explain...see below what has been posted as for as sources are concerned....

^ Nick Halter, "Southwest Journal", December 2010,"[1]", March 9, 2011 ^ "Living In Media", November 30, 2010,"Company Profile - EuropeanWax Center", March 9, 2011 ^ Kelly Johnson, "Sacramento Business Journal", February 8, 2009,"Franchising companies hope to heat up local market for waxing ", March 9, 2011 ^ Nick Halter, "Southwest Journal", December 2010,"[2]", March 9, 2011 ^ "Living In Media", November 30, 2010,"Company Profile - EuropeanWax Center", March 9, 2011 ^ "Texas On The Go", April 16, 2010,"European Wax Center Exemplifies a Recession-Bursting Business Model", March 9, 2011 ^ Nick Halter, "Southwest Journal", December 2010,"[3]", March 9, 2011 ^ "Texas On The Go", April 16, 2010,"European Wax Center Exemplifies a Recession-Bursting Business Model", March 9, 2011

BPA Interactive (talk) 14:26, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herzgew%C3%A4chse
Wildbill hitchcock (talk) 16:35, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Rainbeaumars/Rainbeau Mars
Please let me know why this article can not be published.

Rainbeaumars (talk) 17:05, 21 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Because it is clearly promoting a person who has a name amazing similar to yours might be a start. It is also not written in Wikipedia style. You might want to read a few articles first to see how this is done. This one has no references, just four links to promotional web sites. Does not meet notability guidelines, sorry. W Nowicki (talk) 18:30, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Bxzooo
I'm doing this on behalf of the article's creator. This is a good faith attempt to write an autobiography, see the editor's talk page also. I've been trying to help by email but she now is hoping it is ready to move into article space. As I said, it's a good faith attempt so please treat it as such. Thanks.

Dougweller (talk) 17:12, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

Stuart C. Lord
After all relevant edits/enhancements I have moved the and need a review. Thanks! I am also working on adding full references to avoid link rot, it will take a little time however.

Thanks!

StoneJamison (talk) 17:21, 21 July 2011 (UTC)


 * A University president seems clearly notable, although many of the sources from the same institution. Adding full refs istead of raw links indeed needs to be done. There are other glaring style issues, such as needing Wikilinks. We do not use the "Dr." honorrific, for example. But congratulations, this looks like a keeper. Thanks for your patience. W Nowicki (talk) 18:38, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Rithvik Raja
This is my first article. Please let me know if it has met with the guidelines and is sufficient. Do let me know if I need to add or modify any parts of it to meet with your requirements. Thank you.

Articaturedesigns (talk) 18:11, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

User:IndyJones1023/Travis Waters
I'm finding getting used to the Wiki way of doing things to be confusing for me. I tried adding the infobox on the right but it doesn't seem to be coming up. Can anyone assist?

IndyJones1023 (talk) 18:35, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

First time here, too. Let's see if this even works. looking for feedback and thanks in advance Bugster08:video self-modeling
I have only 4 sources, but these are all seminal works and cover this overview of self-modeling adequately.

Bugster08 (talk) 18:50, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_self-modeling
dazed and confused http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_self-modeling

Bugster08 (talk) 18:53, 21 July 2011 (UTC)


 * This article makes some bold claims that aren't referenced. Additionally it doesn't present a balanced point of view. Alkire and Brunse (1974), Kimball and Cundick (1977), Rothstein and Arnold (1976) have all suggested that self-modelling can have a negative impact; and this should be presented in the article.--Ykraps (talk) 06:24, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback. I believe the articles you cite refer to "self-observation" and the participants, at least in two of them, are viewing more than just themselves. There are a small number of articles critical of self-observation and the effect it has on self-esteem. I should probably differentiate SO from SM in the article, but I didn't want to make this too long. I just completed an article for "psychology in the schools" where I found over 50 studies on VSM with only two showing no results and none with negative results. The two with negative results involved children under 4. I think the claims are justified. Thanks again.

Thanks again. I added quite a few new citations/references. I could literally add 50 more and cite articles that have addressed specific ages and types of disabilities (and sports), but my intention was for this to be a primer/overview. Thanks again, again.
 * Excuse my ignorance, this is not really my area of expertise. However, if SM is an extension of SO, it would be good to give that background in the article. It would also be good to add anything from an opposing point of view as this will show you are trying to present the subject in a neutral fashion. The biggest issue is still with references. Try to find a reference for every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph. If an olympic gold medallist has used this method of self-improvement, then you need to find a source that says so. See wp:citing sources for help with this.--Ykraps (talk) 08:38, 25 July 2011 (UTC)


 * I have removed the external links from the main body of the article and placed them in the external links section, as is the custom, and have moved the references to the end of the sentences as this is more usual (although not always). The article could do with more work but, in my view, meets requirements and I have removed the unreviewed article tag. If you are interested in improving the article further, you could ask for a peer review or get further feedback from one of the associated projects. Happy editing.--Ykraps (talk) 16:54, 10 August 2011 (UTC)

User:Fiddawn/Newtown_Jerpoint I would like to have any constructive opinions on my article that could make it better. thank you very much
As this is my first article i hope I have kept to all the guide lines that are requested. Any feed back would be great on the setting of layout for the pictures ;)

Fiddawn (talk) 19:32, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Hello. I have reviewed your article-in-progress and the first problem that jumps out at me is the lack of inline citations. Your references, though adequate, are simply listed at the bottom of the page. There are many statements that need inline citations so that they can be verified.
 * Also, the manual of style is a vital read for all new editors. Some of your language/syntax/punctuation needs a thorough copy edit.
 * Third, please review the guidelines at WP:LEAD, for the lack of a lead section is a major problem. Happy editing, hajat  vrc  with WikiLove @ 23:51, 22 July 2011 (UTC)

Allycat1208 (talk) 19:36, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

User:GreyWyvern/Evertz Microsystems
I have created an article for this company because I believe it is notable. However, I work for the company so I'm also publicly stating that I have WP:COI. I have tried to keep the article strictly unbiased and limited to verifiable and cited statements. I am a long time editor of Wikipedia, and have patiently waited for someone else to create this article for many years. :) By submitting this stub for review, I merely hope to provide a starting point upon which others can build a proper article. Thanks!

Grey Wyvern ⚒ 20:30, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Hello! I have reviewed your article-in-progress and agree that it is written in a reliable and neutral manner. Also, the subject is certainly notable, and the sources look reliable. I personally have limited knowledge of the subject and therefore cannot help you expand it, but there should definitely be an article about this corporation on Wikipedia. Happy editing, hajat  vrc  with WikiLove @ 23:39, 22 July 2011 (UTC)

[]
Hi, we are trying to get our national governing body site updated, can you please perhaps check and ensure it is ok

Tigerdoom (talk) 21:40, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

wiki/Dr_Chris_Williams
Hi, Pls I want you to help me review my new article. Thanks in advance.

Ayz4sci (talk) 22:48, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

wiki/Dr_Chris_Williams
Hi, Pls I want you to help me review my new article. Thanks in advance.

Ayz4sci (talk) 22:48, 21 July 2011 (UTC)

Dr_Chris_Williams
Hi, Pls I want you to help me review my new article. Thanks in advance.

Ayz4sci (talk) 22:49, 21 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Hello there, and thank you for your interest in adding to the encyclopedia! Please read Conflict of Interest. Your article reads like an advertisement, and therefore its neutrality is questionable. The absolute main thing your article needs is a reliable citation or two to increase the encyclopedic quality of the article. Happy editing, hajat  vrc  with WikiLove @ 00:52, 22 July 2011 (UTC)
 * indeed, As reviewing administrator, I had to delete it. Not only was it copied from the church website, but, as is usually the case for material from a website, it was basically promotional for him, rather than the sort of neutral description appropriate for an encyclopedia . Additionally, as explained just above, you must have 3rd party references.  Look, we're really glad you are interested in contributing to Wikipedia, but the basic rule is before you start to write an article, find some usable references. And never copy from anything published elsewhere.    DGG ( talk ) 03:44, 29 July 2011 (UTC)