Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 July 24

User:CHAK 001/Projects/Overtone (South African band)
This A-capella artist was mentioned in several other Wikipedia articles, but the article was never created. I have provided three references and a few other Wikipedia articles associated with this drafted article, but I would like some feedback, since I feared that if I created this article without using a sandbox, that may be deleted without warning. After creating this draft, I felt like it is missing something unlike the other articles that I have successfully created. CHAK 001 (Improvements? Please let me know!) 01:37, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * ADD: I wanted some feedback to see where I could improve in my drafted article so I can improve, add more sources when available, and possibly move it to the article namespace. CHAK 001 (Improvements? Please let me know!) 07:54, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * It looks pretty good. I'd only change A-Capella to "a capella". Considered moving it into the main article space yet? If you could find more sources, that'd be great but I don't think anyone would make a huge fuss out of the page as it stands. Blurpeace  05:18, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Diehardsting/Johan Rosario
I WOULD LIKE TO POST THIS ARTICLE:

Diehardsting (talk) 06:36, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I have reviewed your article. You got a good start, but expanding the article and adding a few sources when possible is suggested (see also WP:RS and WP:DEVELOP; those are some good sources to look at). If I say anything wrong here, please do let me know. CHAK 001 (Improvements? Please let me know!) 07:14, 24 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueHampshire/Emile_R._Bussiere_Sr.
Looking for general comments and picture upload help.

BlueHampshire (talk) 13:45, 24 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Right, so it's not a bad start. Not a bad start at all. I'd say the most important part of getting the article out of user space right now is sourcing. Do you know of any newspaper articles that did in depth reviews of Bussiere, Sr.? Even ones during the race will count. We actually have a form for uploading images located here. Just follow the prompts and choose the file that you want to submit from your computer. Blurpeace  05:27, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

[]
Hi

This is the first page I've written so would appreciate your feedback, especially on the footnotes.

Thanks Pete

Pete Marcus (talk) 17:13, 24 July 2011 (UTC)


 * That was a great first article, Pete. You either have a good amount of experience writing or a natural talent; perhaps both. I hope you consider sticking around. I've gone ahead and published your work, albeit with a few minor stylistic adjustments, to the main article spaced now located here. Welcome to the project, Blurpeace  05:45, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

John_Tilley_KCB
Finally created the article on John Tilley KCB and would appreciate feedback on content and citation formatting so I can make it live and add some photographs. Many thanks

JCTilley (talk) 17:32, 24 July 2011 (UTC)


 * So the trouble we often have on these pages, Mr. Tilley, is that authors do not provide enough sources to substantiate their articles. You were a true and welcomed exception to that rule. Your article is well written and has everything it needs to tell the world about the much later Sir Tilley. I'm just about to move it into the main space. We hope you stick around to help with the article's upkeep. Blurpeace  05:56, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

Thank you kind sir. Now I will try to work out how to upload the photographs to the article. JCTilley (talk) 14:31, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

Rick Schwartz (zookeeper)
Please review page.

Summary: Works both as a Zookeeper & Ambassador for the San Diego Zoo and the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Working with animals for nearly 20 years, with over 10 of those years at the San Diego Zoo. Has appeared nationally as a guest on the Today show & CBS Early show and locally on San Diego's CBS, NBC & Fox stations.

Zkrick (talk) 19:14, 24 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Hi there, and welcome.


 * I had a look at Rick Schwartz (zookeeper), and the main concern is - is this person really "notable"? Now, that isn't a complaint, it's just a wikipedia-word; an article on a person needs to show "significant coverage in independent, reliable sources" (WP:VRS). Right now, that's a bit dubious; IMDB isn't considered a "reliable source"; "kids.sandiegozoo.org" is where he works (so, not really showing why he's 'notable'), "today.msnbc.msn.com" only mentions him in a vid (and even then, in passing), and "sduptownnews.com" is really a 'passing mention'; so, I have to question whether this person meets the notability requirement - see WP:BIO.
 * And...you need to learn to use 'inline references' - that is, direct references after each claim - the little numbers, like...  Chzz walked on the moon[1] - Chzz walked on the moon.
 * See WP:REFB for help with that.
 * Apart from that, I'd suggest an and a.
 * Best of luck,  Chzz  ► 05:51, 28 July 2011 (UTC)