Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 July 9

User:Salvavida08/Wilfredo Perez
Hi! This is my first biographical article and I would love some feedback on how to make it better. It's about a young guy doing great work in the developing world (mainly Haiti) who is pioneering what he calls "Political Medicine" with the belief that we need more doctors at the forefront of health care policies around the world. I guess my biggest question is if the article is good enough to put up yet and if not, what could make it better. Thank you so much!

Salvavida08 (talk) 03:22, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Looking at the sources and references in your article I really think that it could benefit from the addition of inline citations to display them a little more easily. Using inline citations helps a reader to find the right reference for the right statement. Also with these kinds of articles you need to be careful of the tone and Point of View; it's easy to make a biographical article sound like a CV. Chevy  monte  carlo  17:05, 9 July 2011 (UTC)

Back of the Wight
Another important local page that include information not found elsewhere can someone check, edit, remove ect. And add relivant links and references. Thanks.

Xhavnak (talk) 09:00, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * The article would certainly benefit from an infobox, just to summarise the key points and make the article more 'in line' with other articles on areas/towns/villages etc. Chevy  monte  carlo  17:08, 9 July 2011 (UTC)

Danger Area
Amazed this didnt exist. Im talking about official areas such as firing ranges ect Please could someone edit, remove and improve ect. Thanks.

Xhavnak (talk) 09:30, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Since there was nothing beyond a very short definition, and it was proposed for deletion, I have turned this into a redirect to Danger area which did exist. Graeme Bartlett (talk) 11:35, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Iamgymman123/Pseudonym (Indian Band)
I have finished writing this article. Should I move the article to the main space?  Gui tar ist ( talk| contributions) June 29, 2024
 * Crikey. Too much bold!!  Since their only recordings seem to be 4 singles and a 3-track EP (containing 3 of those singles), and that was "not commercially sucessful" anyway, I have serious doubts this band meets the criteria of our policy on notability of musicians/bands.  Astronaut (talk) 17:16, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Stephenjamesx/Lady Gaga as gay icon
I have been working extensively on this article for a few months now and I would like it, sometime in the near future, to be placed in the mainspace. However, before its potential public debut, I'd like some feedback. Highlight some positives/negatives maybe? Thank you in advance.

Stephenjamesx (talk) 12:51, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Nice work!!
 * I usually stay away form music related articles, as it isn't my strength, and in fact, I'll restrict my comments mostly to MOS issues.
 * You've used the cquote template several places. Per MOS, this template should be reserved for pull quotes, which these are not. (Frankly, I like the look, and have used them, but I try to make sure I use them as pull quotes.)
 * You mention the influence of David Bowie, Grace Jones, Madonna, Freddie Mercury and Andy Warhol, but haven't sourced it. I thought maybe the Advocate ref at the end of the paragraph might help, but it has two passing mentions of Madonna and no mentions of the others. Note (opinions differ on this) it is not always necessary to include a ref in the lede if the point is adequately sourced in the main text, but I don't see that in this case (see next point).
 * The lead section is intended to be a summary (and an intro). See Lede). Not only is it OK to repeat info in the main article that is included in the lede, it is virtually required. You shouldn't be talking about the influence of these notable people unless you've covered it in the main article.
 * I haven't compared this article to Lady Gaga, in particular Lady_Gaga, but you need to be aware of the possibility that someone will argue this material should be merged with that article or is duplicative of that article. I don't think so, but I haven't looked closely enough to say for certain.
 * If you address the issues mentioned here, I'd call it ready for prime time and be happy to mark it as reviewed.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:46, 10 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you for responding so quickly. I've removed the influences bit - it is trivial information that isn't really needed. In terms of it seeming alike Lady_Gaga, that may be because I helped in the crafting of that. Bits have been transferred from article to article. What would you recommend I do with with the quotes? Thank you again! Stephenjamesx (talk) 20:22, 10 July 2011 (UTC)
 * After posting, I realized you are actively involved with the Lady Gaga article. It doesn't mean that someone won't propose a merger, but it does mean it won't catch you unawares.
 * As for the quotes, I'd simply suggest replacing most of them with . If you check out the doc, check out the see also section for some alternatives. Note in particular the note that Cquote is "not for use in articles". You might identify one of the best, and use  , but use it as a pull quote, that is, make sure the quote is used within the article itself, then additionally as a left or right aligned pull-quote. --  SPhilbrick  T  02:18, 11 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gush_Katif_after_Israeli_Withdrawal
I am seeking to post the entry "Gush Katif after Israeli Withrawal." It is well sourced and accurate.

Foreign Correspondent (talk) 13:08, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I doubt there is enough here to warrant a whole article. Why didn't you add something to the Gush Katif article instead?  Astronaut (talk) 17:25, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

wiiccessories
Please help me to get this article published. Thank you!

Mattysoul (talk) 16:59, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * This is the draft: User:Mattysoul/Wiiccessories
 * Wikipedia is not the place to promote your business. I have requested the page be speedily deleted as unambiguous advertising.  Astronaut (talk) 17:49, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uzbek_League
Draganmkd (talk) 17:14, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I have responded on the article's talk page. Quinxorin (talk) 05:52, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Lbenglish/Hive Mind Marketing
Would like to add new article on the concept of hive mind marketing which came out of a discussion between HiveMind Marketing, Inc., an interactive marketing agency established in 1986 and Kevin Kelly, the well respected author of Out of Control.

Lbenglish (talk) 20:51, 9 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Proper link to the draft: User:Lbenglish/Hive mind marketing
 * Wikipedia is not the place to promote your business. I have requested the page be speedily deleted as unambiguous advertising. Astronaut (talk) 17:53, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

I understand that Wikipedia is not a place to promote a business, which is why I asked for the help of the Wikipedia community with this topic. The concept of hive mind marketing came about quite a while before the agency I work with selected its name. I want to discuss the generic concept of hive mind marketing, not my agency. I am a PhD Neuroscientist and am certainly qualified to introduce and discuss this new aspect of marketing and communications theory. The concept is based on the well researched areas of swarm intelligence which leads to hive and flocking behaviors. It's a concept that has been around for over 50 years, and it is now being applied to marketing and communications disciplines and practice due to the pervasiveness of the Internet as a source of information and the subsequent rise of social media. What I was hoping to receive from the Wikipedia community was input at the earliest stage of putting together an article on the concept of hive mind marketing, providing guidance as to how I need to approach the topic to discuss it as an aspect of marketing and communication theory and practice founded on sound scientific principles as well as what types of reliable sources I need. I would still sincerely appreciate assistance in reaching that goal as I think this is a critical topic to include and do not in any way intend it to be promotional, which is why I am seeking your assistance and guidance. Thank you.

David folley
New article on the English Painter, David Folley. I request an independent review and I'd value feedback.

Tango Mike Bravo (talk) 21:10, 9 July 2011 (UTC)