Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 June 23

Peter Buchanan-Smith
This article's been sitting around unreviewed for a while, but I think it's good to go-can someone have a quick look?

Shoppingatlas 03:26, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Central Excise Mission Mode Project
The status of this article is still unreviewed, kindly review the article and give the feedbacks, if any

Director, e-Governance division, Deptt of Informaiton Technology, MoC&amp;IT, India (talk) 04:40, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

[] Proposed wiki article for Washington Redskins Super Fan
Requesting a wiki editor review this article currently stored on my user page and provide proofreading and feedback in regard to publishing the article to wiki. Thank you for any assistance you can provide.

Bisontee (talk) 05:56, 23 June 2011 (UTC)
 * It's pretty weak in terms of referencing. I see three blog entries, a Facebook page and a Youtube reference. Youtube is rarely acceptable, this MAY be an exception, as it doesn't appear to be obviously under copyright, but I don't see evidence of acceptable licensing. The Facebook entry may be acceptable, but it isn't sufficient even if it is. Blog entries are rarely acceptable, there are some exceptions, but I don't immediately see that this qualifies.


 * The references aren't well formed, but I wouldn't spend too much time fixing them (see Referencing for beginners) until you get enough reliable references to make sure to satisfy notability.


 * Sorry I'm not more positive, I'm a big fan of super fans, so it would be nice if this could survive.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:45, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

(talk)
 * Thank you for your feedback Sphilbrick. Unfortunately those are the only references I have at the moment.  I'll most likely hold on to this one until more notable references are available.  Thanks for your time.

ThinkPad X Series - Feedback on the Features Section
I just added a features section to the ThinkPad X Series page. The purpose of the section was to include features that are common to all the X Series laptops, so that users can get a quick summary of models (by year) as they read through it. As new models are released, the section can be updated to show the changes/evolution of the laptops over a period of time. My concern with this section is that it should not sound like marketing speak. I'd appreciate someone taking a look at this section and letting me know how it sounds - and if it needs to be changed. Thanks.

Trevor coelho (talk) 06:37, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digimix_Recording_Studio_(2001)
Dear Administrator,

I'm not advertising or trying to advertize about any specific product or person. I'm talking about music records that have been publicly released in the past (since 2001). I had read all help page and I'm not sure what to do.

Could you please advice on how I should re-write it?

Kind Regards, George Ramsey

George Ramsey 07:39, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Brett Bailey
Please can anyone who knows about the South African theatre and arts world review this article about Brett Bailey.

Islahaddow (talk) 09:15, 23 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Not a bad start, though it still needs a fair amount of work.


 * There are quite a few claims without a reference; for example, the entire History section has not a single refernce
 * The "gold medal, Prague Quadrennial for design." will help with notability, but I don't see a reference
 * ditto for other awards
 * Footnotes 1 and 4 point tot he same place. Is this intentional? If so, there is a better way to do this. Let me know and I'll do it for you.
 * I'm not following the point of footnote 5 as it isn't pointing to anywhere
 * Same with footnote 6
 * The capitalization is non-standard. In some cases, this is deliberate as in the case of macbEth, but it would help to provide links in those cases to show that it is deliberate, not an error. On the other hand, you capitalized EXHIBIT A. Why?-- SPhilbrick  T  21:02, 23 June 2011 (UTC)
 * thanks so much for your feedback. I will have a look at it again and see what I can change. Islahaddow (talk) 11:11, 24 June 2011 (UTC)

Poetry in Africa
Please could all poetry-loving African Wikipedians review this context for poetry on the continent.

Islahaddow (talk) 09:35, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

ERKI Fashion Show
Feedback would be nice =)

Ccchnl (talk) 12:37, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jamesallen2/Polyneon_(artist)
Hey! Can an administrator tell me if this article is ready to be put live on Wikipedia? Is everything properly sourced, referenced, and etc? Do I need to fix or change anything to prevent "speedy deletion"? Thank you!

Jamesallen2 (talk) 12:48, 23 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Looks pretty good. (I fixed your indentation problem). Couple points:
 * There a citation needed tag. It would be slightly odd to start an article with such a tag - can you source it?
 * Polyneon is sometimes in bold, sometimes not. I think it should never be, even if that is the artists desire, but I can check on that if it is the case. My guess is that this is unintentional and you can simply remove the bold everywhere except the opening sentence.
 * Why is "readymade bass " in bold?
 * The quote at the end of the article should be sourced-- SPhilbrick  T  21:22, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Hey! Thank you so much for helping and responding back! So is this article ready to be put on Wikipedia live without "speedy deletion" occuring? Thank you again! Jamesallen2 (talk) 21:34, 23 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Yes, I think it is ready (though I cannot speak for others). I'm posting this after the move, just FTR, hope it survives.-- SPhilbrick  T  19:29, 24 June 2011 (UTC)

Greater Toronto Marketing Alliance
Asked for feedback on the user page article, but got none. I tidied up the page, and i think it meets quality standards. If i could get some feedback that would be much appreciated

MTron73 (talk) 15:00, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Travis Ward
I would like to know if any changes are necessary to speed up approval? If not when might it be approved?

Brenteldridge (talk) 15:13, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Katalin Kelemen
Please review my article Katalin Kelemen. Thanks.

Dante8 (talk) 17:44, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

www.newsreview.com/sacramento/talking-turf/content?oid=689174
kapanelli 18:38, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

KILO KAPANEL
hi im a rapper here in sacramento, im hoping someone could review my article for me..and also how do i add my pic to my article so people could put a face to the name.

kapanelli 18:40, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Discpad/Melanie_Robel
Just a general request to look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Discpad/Melanie_Robel User:Discpad/Melanie_Robel before I take it live Discpad (talk) 19:09, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Discpad (talk) 19:09, 23 June 2011 (UTC)


 * MySpace and IMDB are user-edited sites and are thus not reliable. They can not establish notability. Please provide reliable sources.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  13:58, 28 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Thank you! I am in the process of updating it as we speak~

Maurice Fargues
I'd appreciate feedback on this article to allow the "New Article" template to be removed. As indicated by the "citation needed" note, I'm also not sure whether Fargues joined the GERS in 1945 or 1946.

Gildir (talk) 19:24, 23 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks good. :) Removed tag, added infobox, and added Wikiproject templates in talk page.


 * You might also be interested in nominating the article for Template talk:Did you know, so it appears in the front page temporarily and reaches a larger audience. Certainly a very interesting subject. Let me know if you are interested and need help with that.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  15:45, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * I have nominated it since it only has two days left before it becomes ineligible, heh.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  16:04, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Goldstein, Hill & West Architects Wiki Page Review, please.
hello, I would like you to please review my article. There has been a thread between adminstrators and I have corrected the article to their requests. Please let me know if this will be acceptable to post as a real article without deletion. thank you! Greatink (talk) 19:29, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Greatink (talk) 19:29, 23 June 2011 (UTC)


 * First of all, be aware that most readers are not familiar with the subject so make sure to introduce it properly first. Try not to go into too much detail but give enough to give context. Some tips:


 * Always reference information. If for example, I write the sentence "A is not a B." it should immediately be followed by a reference stating explicitly where you read that particular information. The references have to be relevant, i.e. they must contain the information you are proving. The most important thing is that information have to be verifiable. See Say where you got it for more info.


 * Avoid a generalized list of references at the bottom, use tags and the template. This makes it easier for readers to immediately determine which reference proves what piece of information. For instructions on how to correctly use references inline, see Referencing for beginners. Note that offline reliable sources are also acceptable (e.g. newspapers).


 * Do not overuse quotations, they are not neutral and can be seen as promotional. It can get your article deleted. See NPOV tutorial. This is especially important since you have a WP:Conflict of Interest, being close to subject. Please avoid any kind of promotional undertones as much as you can. State the facts clearly, concisely, and coldly. State enough to prove notability (i.e. why the subject deserves an article in an encyclopedia) but don't embellish, don't get creative, and most importantly, don't brag.


 * --  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  15:20, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Thank you Obsidian. I appreciate your feedback. I have corrected the generalized references, and have added references to the text. I have also removed some quotes from the WSJ article. Please let me know what my next step would be. Thanks, Greatink (talk) 16:15, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * You can continue improving it by looking at other Wikipedia articles on companies to see how they did it. Once you are satisfied, edit the page and place   at the very top of the article and save it. This will submit it to the Articles for Creation review. They will determine if your article has enough to be moved into mainspace and will pinpoint specific problems if present. If there are problems, you can fix it and resubmit again with the same process.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  16:35, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Wonderful, thank you! Greatink (talk) 14:59, 28 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ceannidghe57/Metjen
Ceannidghe57 (talk) 22:05, 23 June 2011 (UTC)


 * You might want to see the other language Wikipedia version of the subject (German: Metjen, French: Metjen, Croatian: Mečen) for ideas on formatting. If you speak any of those languages, it might actually be better to simply translate it into English. Other example articles of Ancient Egyptian officeholders that could help are Sanakht and Khasekhemwy. Use more than one reference if possible and avoid subjective descriptions to maintain neutrality.


 * For some general help on how to present your article, please see Your first article.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  14:41, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

laydsb:Speed Your Love To Me
Hello, this is my first Wikipedia article. It's a single release by Simple Minds, as I noticed that, unlike other big bands, there seems to be a scarcity of articles describing their singles or hits. I think it's referenced well, but I'm not sure how to get the links to Sparkle In The Rain (its album) to work, as this page definitely exists? In short, the article is there but not suitably interlinked with related articles. Can I have some help with this? Thanks very much

Laydsb (talk) 23:20, 23 June 2011 (UTC)