Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 June 27

Max Dashu
Please review my article Max Dashu. Thanks.
 * Unfortunately, this article seems a bit lacking in reliable third party sources. In fact, most of the sources link back to Dashu's own website. Also, it seems a little promotional. I mean, is there really any reason for stating that the movie she made is "available on DVD"? Bobnorwal (talk) 05:00, 1 July 2011 (UTC)

Dante8 (talk) 01:09, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Golden State Pops Orchestra
A New Article about the Golden State Pops Orchestra, a professional orchestra in Southern California.

Pshenning (talk) 01:16, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

User:16falloutboy/Danielle*Dani* Selena Benson (Now changed to Stump)
I tried my best on this so let me know if it's bad

16falloutboy (talk) 03:26, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * This stands no chance if moved to mainspace because there are no sources listed, and unless this character has received significant coverage, it is not suited as an article.    ArcAngel    (talk) ) 22:48, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._John%27s_Greek_Orthodox_College
St. John's Greek Orthodox College is a co-educational school established in 1979 [6] and is part of the Independent School sector. The College was founded to provide education of Greek culutre and religion to the 1st 2nd and 3rd generations of Greeks who lived in Melbourne.

Stjgoc (talk) 04:08, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Brianallard78/Brian_Richard_Allard
i am trying to add my name to Wikipedia so that it may be searched, i would like some assistance making it as complete as possible and would love to have some help or suggestions. the page that i have started says my user name before the page im not sure if this is just while its being edited or if it will stay that way..

i guess you can message me on here if you have any info that will help.

thank you in advance )

Brianallard78 (talk) 04:52, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Please read WP:AUTO before going further with this.    ArcAngel    (talk) ) 22:36, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Going further, Google comes up with 7 hits on your name, which means you also fail the general notability guidelines for inclusion.    ArcAngel    (talk) ) 22:51, 27 June 2011 (UTC
 * Sorry, but I concur with ArcAngel, this article doesn't seem appropriate for multiple reasons.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:10, 28 June 2011 (UTC)

Murder of Mirabelle Thao-Lo
This is the first article I have created. Right now, I want to know what I should do to improve the article. Any advice and comments would also be helpful. Thanks!

KeeperOfTheInformation (talk) 05:07, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * It isn't clear that Murder of Mirabelle Thao-Lo has a place in Wikipedia. Sad though the story may be, an encyclopedia doesn't undertake to cover every death nor even every alleged murder, not even when there is press coverage. What is especially Notable about this incident?--  SPhilbrick  T  13:42, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Fab family
this article are made by the author of this website : http://www.fabfamilyfoundation.com. all the sources like article and picture are valid. 180.253.225.148 (talk) 10:56, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * This is a non-notable group, and so a deletion disucssion has been started on it.    ArcAngel    (talk) ) 22:43, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Flexible Optical BV
This page is about a business providing adaptive optics for science industry and medicine. The page contains a link to a substantial list of publications based on our products. We would like to see the page in the category of optical manufacturing companies.
 * The article has been deleted under the spam criteria. Since you have a vested conflict of interest, it is recommended that you not re-create the article.     ArcAngel    (talk) ) 23:03, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Gleb@okotech.com (talk) 12:12, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

User:Lauriecansfield/Potts_Print_(UK)
This is my first article on Wikipedia. It's about an historic printing company in Northumberland. I would be grateful for constructive feedback about how I can make the article any more informative and publishable. Many thanks!

Laurie Cansfield (talk) 16:26, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Sorry but I see some significant issues:
 * The entire middle section, listing equipment at the location, is not appropriate for an encyclopedia article.
 * The history section is interesting, but entirely unsourced.
 * Accreditation and membership might be appropriate in a directory, but are not usually appropriate for n encyclopedia articles, unless there is something particularly notable about he membership.
 * Notability requires " significant coverage in reliable sources that are independent of the subject,…" While I see some references, most are not even publications, and the one that is appears to be a trade press mention.
 * With well over a century of operations, there may be additional citations in independent sources, but without such evidence, I don't think this is quite ready.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:20, 28 June 2011 (UTC)

Tracey Moberly
This is the first article I have written for Wikipedia so would appreciate any comments. I have moved it into mainspace but do not regard it as finished. It needs rounding out and the addition of one or more photographs. The article is focussed on those aspects of the subject's work where independent online references can most readily be sourced.

Finiwiki (talk) 17:52, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * I have added an infobox, please fill in if possible. There are also still neutrality issues with the article raised by another user in the talk page (namely, it seems to be too 'positive'). Please see the guidelines at WP:NPOV and fix them if you can. Thanks.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  16:38, 1 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the feedback. I understand the POV issue and will have a go at neutralising it. Finiwiki (talk) 13:34, 2 July 2011 (UTC)

Universal Lighting Technologies, Inc. - can someone please review my new article?
Universal Lighting Technologies, Inc. - can someone please review my new article?

Corwil (talk) 17:57, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * My quick reaction is that is reads like a company generated PR piece. I see no examples of independent sourcing – while some references exist, they are company owned or trade press. I see zero support for Notability. Sorry, I know it isn't what you want to hear, maybe someone else has a more positive reaction.-- SPhilbrick  T  18:31, 28 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aileen_McCorkell
I have written this article and tried to reference it from the relevant obituaries which provided the content, facts and inspiration of the piece. Please can someone check it is sufficiently referenced, I am obviously conscious not to breach any copyright laws. Any help and feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you.
 * I have converted several duplicated references to named references for better formatting.    ArcAngel    (talk) ) 23:17, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Thanks very much-that looks a lot better. help much appreciated.

The Walled City (talk) 20:38, 27 June 2011 (UTC)

Dynaventure
Good Afternoon Editors,

I tried using your tool http://toolserver.org/~dispenser/cgi-bin/webreflinks.py?page=DynaVenture&citeweb=checked to check the url's used in my article on DynaVenture.

It said: Applying English Wikipedia fixes No changes necessary: references template found. No changes were necessary in DynaVenture

If there is any specific feedback or changes I need to make please let me know. I referenced according to APA style guidelines. Link rot is a new term to me though so advice is welcomed to prevent it.

Advance thanks for your help.

Suzy Huber (talk) 20:40, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Hello, it's best if you fill in the citations manually. You can either write it manually using a particular style, or you can use citation templates. For the former please refer to this help page: Referencing for beginners; for the latter please refer to this other help page (it helps if you read the previous help page as well though): Referencing for beginners with citation templates. Cheers.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  16:13, 1 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Oh, and looking at it now, you're getting the message because it looks like it's already filled in. I have removed the barelinks tag.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  16:18, 1 July 2011 (UTC)


 * A description of link rot can be found here as well: Link rot. To put it simply, bare links are more vulnerable to link rot because when the webpages eventually fail (i.e. return a Page Not Found error), it is often very difficult to find a replacement reference for it if all you have is a url. By properly citing the source, the date, the author, title, and whatnot, the links become more valuable even if they do succumb to link rot. Knowing more information of the source than just its url, you will be able to find the particular page, newspaper article, book, etc. in other sources. And even if you can't, you can still keep the reference information.--  Obsidi ♠ nSoul  16:25, 1 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Tberbert/Piazza (Q&A platform)
New article. Piazza is an online Q&A platform designed for classes.

Tberbert (talk) 20:50, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Hey, you might need more references, so the article won't be tagged/deleted.Lapatronne (talk) 21:51, 28 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Might I ask why, specifically? Everything I didn't cite comes from personal experience in using the service. Are some references in the wrong place, maybe? Thanks for reviewing. Tberbert (talk) 22:02, 28 June 2011 (UTC)
 * "Personal experience" doesn't cut it when it comes to assertions. Is there significant third-party coverage elsewhere?  If so, it needs to be added to help better establish the notability of this product.     ArcAngel    (talk) ) 02:14, 29 June 2011 (UTC)

Donald Lipski
I'm having trouble placing .jpg photographs into this page. Can anyone please help? Thank you!

Jeffrey Gusfield (talk) 20:55, 27 June 2011 (UTC)
 * I see you have plenty of potential references. but none are formed correctly. Check out Referencing for beginners.
 * You asked a specific question about pictures. I haven't worked with Picture tutorial, but it sounds like it may be on target. I'd like to hear form you whether you agree or disagree. -- SPhilbrick  T  18:36, 28 June 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Shop_Stewards_Network
Just general feedback on how to improve the article.

Thesocialistguy (talk) 21:44, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Hey, your article may be tagged as too short/irrelevant. So, you need more info and definitely references because the article has to be verifiable.Lapatronne (talk) 21:54, 28 June 2011 (UTC)

User:Edgetherapeutics/Edge_Therapeutics,_Inc.
Edgetherapeutics (talk) 23:23, 27 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Hey, your article might get tagged as being too short/irrelevant, so you might want to consider adding more info about the company. Lapatronne (talk) 22:00, 28 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Don't know if you noticed this or not, but the editor you are trying to talk to has been blocked from editing, so they won't be able to respond.    ArcAngel    (talk) ) 02:16, 29 June 2011 (UTC)

Nitin_Gupta_(Scientist)
Is this person worth a page? He was popular at SIGMOD this year.

Rahul6301 (talk) 01:24, 28 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Hey, the person might be worth an article page, but wikipedia might not think so because it is too short and may be consider/tagged as irrelevant. So adding more info & references should help. Lapatronne (talk) 22:02, 28 June 2011 (UTC)