Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 March 14

User:Soleklypse/Frank_Gagliardi
This is my first Wikipedia article. It is for a jazz percussionist / teacher who played with the Rat Pack and others at the Sands during the 1960's and 70's and went on to form the UNLV Jazz Ensemble. Unfortunately, most of the articles written about him predate the WWW so I'm having difficulty producing the appropriate sources. The article in Andiamo actually mentions five or six others (I don't have it in front of me) besides the one in UNLV Magazine. I have been unable to track them down, however. I believe he is sufficiently notable for an entry in Wikipedia given his association with such famous acts as Frank Sinatra and Louis Armstrong not to mention his influence on generations of jazz students at UNLV. Please let me know if you think it is sufficient as is, or if you think it needs more, and if so, what suggestions you may have.

Thank you.

Soleklypse (talk) 00:29, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I think the sources are the main thing you need to work on; to me the rest of the article seems to have no issues, although you have mentioned already that you have been having difficulty finding suitable references. Therefore, I think it might be okay, as it does not have any tone or Point Of View issues, and it is appropriately 'Wikified' with links and formatting (such as sections), so excellent job! Chevy  monte  carlo  16:35, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

AFCS(afcsfireplaces.com)
Rpaulg (talk) 03:03, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I can't seem to find your article in either your contributions or from the link you have provided. WP:FEED is for getting feedback for articles that you have created, not to request an article. Actually, this just seems like a spam attempt or something... Chevy  monte  carlo  16:38, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Ah, I just noticed; the article was speedily deleted; see your talk page as there is a notice there. Sorry. Chevy  monte  carlo  16:39, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Arinn Dembo
I'm looking for a review of the brief article I wrote regarding the author and computer game designer Arinn Dembo. She is not the most famous author perhaps, but her body of work, especially the Sword of the Stars series, is quite impressive in scope and quality, and feel she deserves recognition along with other Pacific Northwest authors.

Aidan001 (talk) 08:20, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Well it does look pretty good. The ref's are not formatted properly, however.  Try using the cite web template. --  E♴  (talk)  03:42, 15 March 2011 (UTC)

Pierrot lunaire (book)
I'm new at creating pages on Wikipedia (only two before this one), and I invariably overlook important points. I'd appreciate someone's looking this over and giving an opinion.

Beebuk 09:35, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

User:BiBiWhite/Thomas_Whitfield
How can I improve my article? Any more suggestions?

BiBiWhite (talk) 10:08, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Jill Kenton
Submitted Jill Kenton to wiki and it is all relevant and true why is it being rejected.

Garisson71 (talk) 14:01, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Yhoshino/Totsy
Per the editor's request and suggestion, I have used the userface to make the appropriate edits for my article. Before I submit my changes to go live, I would like to request for feedback. Thank you.

Yhoshino (talk) 14:01, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Fixed the link in the section header. lifebaka++ 14:48, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Peter Linneman Article Feedback
Posted a new article on well-respected real estate academic. Looking for feedback on how best to present a page for an academic, specifically how many publications should be listed and what additional information should be added. Adleslie (talk) 15:30, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Iambillyhill/Billy HIll (artist)
How does this look thus far and what is the quickest way to get it up and searchable?

Iambillyhill (talk) 16:26, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Serviam Girls Academy Is there anything standout that is missing or that would make the article better?
Do you have any recommendations for things to add to or change about the article to make it better? Is it easy to understand the mission of the school? Are there any major unanswered questions you have after reading the article? Do you have any other suggestions?

Thanks so much for your help!

ServiamDE (talk) 18:35, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

The Lost Library: Gay Fiction Rediscovered
Just need someone else to review it so I can get the template off. Thanks!

Tcouture (talk) 19:02, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * You have a fair reference in the one book review. You should make this an "inline" reference. See Citing sources. The subject book needs to meet the "notability" guidelines for the article to survive. See WP:NBOOK. So you should try to find another such review. You should also provide an inline reference for the "Award" paragraph. I took the liberty of adjusting the formatting and markup, hopefully bringing things closer to Wikipedia's standard style, but change it if you disagree. Tkotc (talk) 07:50, 15 March 2011 (UTC)

User:QuriosR/Mind Movies
I am the owner of Mind Movies and am confident that I have satisfied the criteria, of significant multiple sources, however I do fully appreciate the fact that my verbage may be biased, and would like an experienced editor to make sure, I have not done so before I post it live.

Thanks.

QuriosR (talk) 19:06, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Like you mentioned, your verbiage is way too promotional and not really encyclopedic. That could possibly be remedied by some judicious rewriting, but it's one of the reasons why writing in "conflict of interest" situations is highly discouraged. -- But on to notability and sources. I didn't see a specific notability guideline for software like there is for films, but there is the general notability guideline at Notability. It sets a few hurdles and I don't think you've cleared them. One problem is the sources. The issue is not "multiple" sources; rather it's "reliable" sources. Here the rules and guidelines start at WP:RS. Youtube will not work, the Amazon book page doesn't itself address the subject of this article and therefore cannot be a reliable source underlying a claim of notability. The other links (which appear identical) are not reliable sources because they simply restate a press release. So to ensure the survival of the article, I suggest that you rewrite and change the tone, and find better evidence of notability. Tkotc (talk) 07:23, 15 March 2011 (UTC)

== User:Lux_vivens/Christine_Lucy_Latimer

I have written this article on an experimental filmmaker (who is getting some attention internationally) and would like feedback, any help would be appreciated, thanks!

Lux vivens (talk) 19:11, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

3_Stories_About_Evil
3 Stories About Evil (2008) is an international award winning short film that features notable cult actors Mink Stole, Joe Dallesandro, Erica Gavin, and Billy Drago. Please review! Thank you.

CR Wright (talk) 19:48, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Yer kiddin, right? Mink Stole as a Christian conservative? P.S. I removed the tag. Tkotc (talk) 05:32, 15 March 2011 (UTC)

== User:JaninaBiel/Ski Club BSU this is an article about the university ski club which is notable for its achievements in various types of competitions (and is doing rather well compared with other sports clubs). There are neutral surces featuring ==

this is an article about the university ski club which is notable for its achievements in various types of competitions (and is doing rather well compared with other sports clubs). There are neutral surces featuring the results of the members in competitions as well as some articles at the university page, but are unfortunately in russian. I might have styled the links wrongly, so it needs to be checked. thanks for the attention!

JaninaBiel (talk) 21:09, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

TrivWorks
New page had been created/edited, and want to ensure it meets Wikipedia standards. If not, please let me know what steps need to be taken to rectify.

Thank you!

Daj225 (talk) 21:26, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Bones of Faerie (novel)
I made a page for the book Bones of Faerie (novel), including a summary of the book, it's author, and it's sequel. If anyone would review it and change any problems thay see, I'd be grateful. And If anyone can put a picture of the book cover on the page, that'd be great; I tried and the picture was deleted.

RamblingQuasi (talk) 22:34, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * The article has tone problems, because it is written too much like a promotional piece, complete with a "hook": "And the most powerful and merciless of them all—the Queen herself—may be among them". Two books are being presented in one article, and one isn't even published yet. Look at WP:BK. You need to make it clear and obvious how a book you are writing an encyclopedia article about meets one of these notability guidelines, or it is quite possible the article will be challenged. Tkotc (talk) 06:37, 15 March 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for your advice; I'll try to make it sound more like an article written for one book. If there are any other problems please say.

Diveheart
What do you think?

Nlupo (talk) 22:56, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * As a diver, I think the program is great. But the problem with the article is that you need to show that the subject is "notable" in the Wikipedia sense (see WP:N) by use of "inline" citations (see Citing sources) to "reliable sources". One idea is to look for news coverage by means of one of the search engines. Tkotc (talk) 07:30, 15 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Bimcurator/Mayflower steam tug
Comments and additions welcomed

Bimcurator (talk) 23:17, 14 March 2011 (UTC)
 * (1) This looks like the makings of a good article. Can you find any more references to cite? Especially since the one reference you give is not directly accessible on the WWW, reliable sources available on the internet would be valuable. (2) I left the External references header untouched in case you find some to add. If you don't, it should be eliminated. (3) The title of your article should probably be "Mayflower (steam tug)". (4) A photo would be a nice addition. (5) Especially because your one reference cannot be read directly on the web, you should provide bibliographic data as completely as possible. Perhaps one of the templates at Citation templates would work. Otherwise you should refer to Citing sources. (6) Manual of Style (text formatting) prescribes italics for names of ships, so you should deal with that when you proofread your article. Tkotc (talk) 06:53, 15 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Wnd09/Use of Social Media in the Wisconsin Protests
I am attempting to submit my first article for an assignment. I understand that my article must be reviewed before it can go live. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, WND09 Wnd09 (talk) 23:29, 14 March 2011 (UTC)