Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 March 2

TekTrak
Please edit so that the editing box in the article can be removed. Thanks!

Cgangita (talk) 00:51, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * The article seems okay to me. You have some good, reliable references, there are no immediate tone problems, and the article seems appropriately Wikified. Chevy  monte  carlo  06:54, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

Jawalakhel
Aniravol (talk) 01:20, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I can't see any immediate problems or issues with the stub you currently have, however I would say perhaps you might want to expand the article and add more references. Chevy  monte  carlo  06:56, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

Thomas cawthron
I can't change the title to just "Thomas Cawthron"!

CawthronInst (talk) 01:47, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I've moved it to Thomas Cawthron for you, although I think there are a lot of issues and problems that you maybe need to take a look at and correct. You need to add some reliable references, add sections and links, and generally 'wikify' or 'clean up' the article. Chevy  monte  carlo  07:01, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

Radha Laha
This biographical article about a notable deceased statistician, Radha Laha, is tagged as new unreviewed artile. Also tagged as needing sources. (There are many sources now.)

Mathstat (talk) 02:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * For the book-based or printed sources I think it's best to use the cite book template to display them correctly in the article. Also, the second tag (the one about sources) is more about adding more references that appear in reliable third-party publications, rather than adding just more references. Although you've added a lot of extra sources, I think you still need to incorporate them into the actual article a bit more, using the cite book template. Best of luck. Chevy  monte  carlo  07:04, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Hypateia/Richard Setlowe
Newcomer for whom online editing is a completely foreign experience seeks 1.) editorial review of first article draft for style, format and compliance with Wikipedia guidelines, noting especially endnote styling. 2.) would like to float the table of contents left. Saw the guidelines, but cannot see how toc is accessed to wrap in appropriate tags. Thank you.

Hypateia (talk) 05:17, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure how you can move the table of contents, but I can provide some feedback or suggestions if you so wish. I think the article would benefit from the addition of more links and maybe also an infobox. Chevy  monte  carlo  07:08, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

Torry Harris Business Solutions
Hello, I've added an article about an IT company that has been recognised by Industry analysts and whose work has been taken up as a case study by Gartner. Thanks in advance for reviewing the same!

Itkidontheblock (talk) 12:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * It seems like it's quite promotional; the only claim of notability is that is was recognised by industry analysts. I think it could also benefit with some expansion and the addition of more reliable sources. Chevy  monte  carlo  07:11, 3 March 2011 (UTC)
 * You actually did not create an article in Wikipedia project namespace. You created a page in your personal user namespace. To keep the logo in the article, you would need to move User:Itkidontheblock/THBS (in user space) to Torry Harris Business Solutions (in article space). You do not need anyone's approval to move the article into Wikipedia project namespace. In general, Wikipedia covers topics that have been "noticed" to a significant degree by sources that are independent from the topic. See WP:N (and WP:GNG in particular). The article should be created from published sources not connected with THBS. Try to avoid using information from the THBS website, THBS press releases, etc. in the Wikipedia article. -- Uzma Gamal (talk) 12:38, 9 March 2011 (UTC)

Buildon
I've rewritten this article extensively to adjust advertising-speak, add outside citations and overall achieve a more neutral tone. I'm curious how the current iteration compares to the original entry. http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Buildon&diff=curr&oldid=399628442 Josephadeo (talk) 15:14, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

BFCS
I am a newbie and this is my first article. I think that it is about a notable company and I have included as many supported facts that I can find. I'm getting quite confused on how to get this into the main Wikipedia site and I want the article main title to read BFCS (Film Production Company)' I would appreciate any help or advice in this matter as I now feel a bit lost.

Thanks

Harbbro2 (talk) 15:34, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Jordan.Gilbert/Insegment
My first attempt at posting this article a few days ago was deleted. I have made substantial changes to this version, and I was hoping that a seasoned editor would review it and offer feedback before I submit it for inclusion. Yes, I am affiliated with the company, but I modeled this off of our peers in the industry, and took special care not advertise, and reflect noteworthiness with reliable references.

Would somebody mind taking a look at this please?

Thanks!

-Jordan

Jordan.Gilbert (talk) 17:13, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

Viral Decay Acceleration
Newcomer to Wikipedia, and just placed this new page on Viral Decal Acceleration and would like to see it go live. Thank you.

WGR11 (talk) 19:24, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

TekTrak
I received notice that this article is written too much like an advertisement. I tried to not create it that way and more as an informational article to help with people who may lose their smart phones. Could I receive some feedback or help editing so that it may appear suitable for Wikipedia? Thank you! Please let me know as soon as possible.

Cgangita (talk) 19:58, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * When I read this article, it didn't scream "Buy Me! Buy me!" I thought the tone of the article was ok. One problem is that the SF Chronicle reference leads to a Press Release. Here's what Third-party sources says about the use of such material:


 * Non-independent sources may be used to source content from articles, but the connection of the source to the topic must be clearly identified. I.e. "The organization claimed 10,000 people showed up to protest." is ok when using material published by the organization, but "10,000 people showed up to protest." is not.


 * So, maybe some editing is in order.


 * Also I notice that that Ref 7 (Leena Rao), which should lead to Tech Crunch, leads to the Chronicle article again -- pasted the wrong thing perhaps?


 * If you wanted to improve the article, possibly you could discuss how the app works, and how that compares to other approaches to solving the problem it was designed to solve. I noticed in one of the supporting references that there are possibly two competitors... Tkotc (talk) 07:33, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

Respiratory Inductance Plethysmography
Hi,

I am attempting to add categories to my article. I believe the article should be classified as Biomedical Sciences or Biomedical equipment or Health sensor technology. However as I look through the existing categories under the home category of Life, I am not sure where this would fit in. This is not an article on Biotechnology as it has nothing to do with drugs.

Thanks Dudley

Vivonoetics (talk) 21:51, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Biology . This will lead to Biomedicine and its subcategories; and to (Biotechnology). Biotechnology seems not limited to pharma -- look at the subcategories and pages there. Possibly Medicine or one of its subcategories? Also, is there a similar or related article with a category that would work? To drill down from a top level, start at Portal:Contents/Categories. Tkotc (talk) 09:07, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

User:JBA2008/Martin Brasier
This is my first wikipedia page that i have created, can someone have a look... also I'm not sure how to actually submit it and make it a live part of the encyclopedia..? thanks very much

JBA2008 (talk) 22:10, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Although you would think there should be no question of the notability of your subject, be aware it's always the first and biggest question. So you should review Notability (Academics) and make sure that one or more of the criteria has been clearly satisfied on the face of the article. Lacking anything else, a couple of journal articles where someone else discusses his work would be nice. Book titles in his works should be in italics. The first paragraph under biography/work should probably start "Brasier" instead of "his". (Do you know where he was born? This is an exceedingly minor point, but he could be English, Irish, Scots, Canadian, Australian, a Yank perhaps, and inquiring minds like to know...) Otherwise the article is nicely constructed and informative. Tkotc (talk) 08:00, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Ksushav/Enter your new article name here
This is my first article - I am looking for feedback on expanding it as well as help with formatting the references and the name of the article. Thank you.

Ksushav (talk) 22:57, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

Roger Lee Hall
Can someone tell me how to get the icons removed from the top of the article? I believe some of the changes have been made. Also, I don't understand the second one about using proper citations. I have used another entry as reference and it seems the same. I have received feedback previously with suggestions which I have not yet implemented.

Hgailm (talk) 23:00, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I looked at the two inline references and didn't see what the problem was, but I added some additional detail to the templates. I also put the works into lists, as I suggested previously. And I have no idea who is supposed to remove the flags. They're just so much litter when they don't really give a good indication what the person who put them there had in mind. Tkotc (talk) 08:46, 3 March 2011 (UTC)