Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 March 24

User:Oz2011/Tania Zorrilla
please check and verify my sources so that my page can go live1I will really appreciate it thanks!!

Oz2011 (talk) 01:24, 24 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Looks good to me. I activated the citation bot which fixed up twp of you citations. The two things you really need to do to make the article look good is remove the example image from the bottom of the page and fix the way the lines line up under the pageant section. Happy editing, Crazymonkey1123 (Jacob) (Shout!) 18:01, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Ayman Lotfy
Kindly check this submission to be able to Move it as an article. Thank you

Saharnsaleem (talk) 03:54, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

Arkamix / sneaker culture
Hello i wrote and article saved in my draft i think, as i am new about a very reliable and all sources verifiable company becoming famous in the sneaker footwear industry. I was wondering how it could be published to Wikipedia, of course being reviewed by all of you guys

Arkamix (talk) 04:27, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Jonathanno14/Mizzou_Hydrogen_Car_Team
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jonathanno14/Mizzou_Hydrogen_Car_Team This is my first article and its a new subject. I wanted to make sure it looked good so it can go live on the web.

Jonathanno14 (talk) 06:47, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

Special_Transport
Denisa.zoe (talk) 12:10, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

Great Reality TV Swindle
This is the first article I've created on a subject relating to society rather than arts or media, so I'm not really sure what needs to be included. I'd quite like to see if I can get it up to GA status, and would welcome any feedback from the community on how it can be improved. Thanks very much in advance!

A Thousand Doors (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

Agbogbloshie
Hello!

I would like some feedback on the following, regarding my article:

1. Writing Style. How does my article sound to you? 2. Headings. Do you feel the headings are appropriate? 3. Citations. 4. Anything else I can improve on.

Thanks so much!!

Marlenenapoli (talk) 15:15, 24 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Hi!
 * On the whole it looks pretty good. Headings seem fine, citations look good too (and it's much better referenced than most new articles!). My one concern is the tone - we aim for a detatched, neutral, encyclopedic tone, and this reads more like something written by an environmental campaigner. Examples of this is "Agbogbloshie was once a pristine wetland", "Crime and disease run rampant throughout Agbogbloshie, creating an almost inhabitable environment for humans". Just try to be as factual as possible and avoid emotive language. Neutral point of view is the main policy on this, and there's more detailed advice at the bottom.
 * All the best, contact me on my talkpage if you have any questions, --Physics is all gnomes (talk) 12:42, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Yhoshino/Totsy
I have added more resources, including external third-party links as well as internal Wikipedia links, per your suggestion.

Yhoshino (talk) 15:20, 24 March 2011 (UTC)
 * You need to take a look at Citing sources to see how to use the links you have found as "inline" citations. Also, where you are trying to establish a link to another Wikipedia article, you should use "Wikilinks" rather than the citation method used for external cites. This means you surround the name of the title of the other article with double square brackets: Article name . Tkotc (talk) 01:40, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

Draymond Green
I would like to request some feedback on an article that I made for Draymond Green, a college basketball player. This is pretty much a stub biography. Thanks!

Amoy48473 (talk) 15:33, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Vttom/Big_Gay_Ice_Cream_Truck Request for feedback
This is my first Wikipedia article. I would appreciate some feedback before moving into mainspace.

Vttom (talk) 15:59, 24 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I think you did a good job on your article. A small problem is that you have included a few inline references that may not be considered "reliable sources". The references to biggayicecreamtruck.com could be a problem (not third-party), and generally you don't need them, either because some of them are duplicate references, or because the site is listed in your external links in any event. The Youtube reference is also a problem. You can simply remove the reference in the article and put the link in external links. Your article seems to have sufficient support without these links. Tkotc (talk) 01:01, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Idodan/Amos_Bar
Dear editors,

My name is Ido and I wrote the article about Amos Bar.

Amos is my father and he passed away last week.

I have completed the article in Hebrew before writing this one. It was vetted and edited by Israeli editors and to my content, has been approved and improved. (http://he.wikipedia.org/wiki/עמוס_בר)

I would be grateful if you could review and approve, so the article can be published to the public.

Sincerely Ido.

Idodan (talk) 16:04, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Scopius/Sherman_Ewing
I am a friend of the living person that the biography article is about. I was hoping for some feedback about neutrality. I do believe that the subject matter is shown as notable, due to the sources cited in USA Today and Relix, but I would be interested to have this confirmed as well. Finally, I would like to make sure that the footnotes are ok, and that I haven't overused them. I have tried to be sure that everything in the article is sourced, thus the copious footnotes, and I wanted to make sure I haven't overdone it. Thank you. Scopius (talk) 16:16, 24 March 2011 (UTC)
 * You can't overdo references for a popular musician article IMHO. Anyhow, the Wildy's World link returned a 404. Check into it. Are you going to flesh out the musical career section? The boldfaced "solo career" looks lonely. If that's going to be a subsection, caption it correctly (see WP:CHEATSHEET). Remove the bolded "interviews". (Not a properly done subhead anyhow.) All external links generally would be in one list. In the discography, as I recall his most recent CD was self-produced/released; but what about the first? If it was on a label, maybe saying which one would be a good idea. Any idea of his DOB? One expects to see that kind of thing in a biography. Graduated when? Dates are in short supply (even if not strictly required) and again, this is nominally a biography in an encyclopedia, so biographical and encyclopedic information will improve the article. Overall a nice job, I think. Tkotc (talk) 01:19, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Sarahrz1/The Texas Board of Legal Specialization
I'm posting of behalf of a client, the Texas Board of Legal Specialization, but would like to make sure this meets your posting requirements. I have checked to make sure my sources are reliable and this is a notable subject. This is an organization affiliated with several other entities that have pages on including the State Bar of Texas and the Supreme Court of Texas. Thank you in advance for your feedback.

User:Sarahrz1/The_Texas_Board_of_Legal_Specialization

Sarahrz1 (talk) 16:39, 24 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Seems fine to me. You may request some more professional feedback from WP:Wikiproject Law.--Netheril96 (talk) 18:06, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Madsquack/Madsquack
What is madasquack?

Madsquack (talk) 16:48, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Madsquack/Madsquack
what is madsquack?

Madsquack (talk) 16:50, 24 March 2011 (UTC)
 * This might be a good promotion on a billboard, but on the Request for Comments page I doubt it will be of any benefit. At this point there are no references and no notability has been established. Assuming the site is indeed notable, you will need to refer to Notability (web) and study how to verify that fact. Also, user name == subject name is a guaranteed formula for problems. Maybe review WP:COI? Tkotc (talk) 01:25, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

Arnold Berleant
Hello, this is my second request for feedback, made some changes, added better resources, and I am hoping to have some helpful hints like last time. Many thanks!

Aberleant (talk) 17:16, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Everyroad67890/Test Masters Educational Services
Started a page about a company Test Masters Educational Services. The article describes the history of Test Masters as well as its trademark litigation, which has been widely covered. Just wanted to make sure I've explained its significance. Thank you.

Everyroad67890 (talk) 17:51, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

David C. Pollock
This is a new article created as a means of validation for the source of the definition give on "Third culture kid." Please let me know if the article is acceptable, so the other site will no longer attribute Pollock's definition to Useem.

Emily 18:59, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Bikebookreader/BillStricklandwriter
First post, so looking for feedback on citations, references and any general stylistic improvements.

Also, there is another Bill Strickland on wiki already, so wondering how the disambiguation works.

Bikebookreader (talk) 19:27, 24 March 2011 (UTC)
 * You have an extra first line (Bill Strickland New article content). Need to remove it. Your external links don't work right. The double square brackets method is for "Wikilinks" to Wikipedia articles. Unfortunately the documentation on how to cite your sources, where the source is a web site, is often unhelpful. Ultimately the best way to do this is to use the templates at Citation templates, usually the "cite web" template is what you want. Like this: . Most of your references are to your subject's works, but these should be listed in a bulleted list under a section title of "Works". Although you do refer to reviews of these books, you cite to the author's own website. You need to link to the original, independent, third-party sites. Tkotc (talk) 02:12, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

Rodney_Alejandro
Checking if format and content are permitted

Rodfather713 (talk) 19:54, 24 March 2011 (UTC)

User:Lauraegoulding/StorageCraft
I'm looking for feedback on the citations. I want to make sure they're appropriate and credible. Any other feedback is also welcome.

Lauraegoulding (talk) 20:24, 24 March 2011 (UTC)
 * There were some minimal formatting problems with the article and I fixed them. See generally Manual of Style (layout). The references you have are OK, but you could improve them by using the templates at Citation templates. They seem to be satisfactory references. As a purported encyclopedia article about a company, however, isn't it a bit skimpy? I think you run the risk that the article will be seen as mere promotion of the product. That's not a guarantee, just a concern. Tkotc (talk) 02:24, 25 March 2011 (UTC)

Thank you so much for your feedback. I certainly have more references to add re: founders, locations, etc. I wanted to make sure that I am on the correct track with it and avoid exactly what you are saying in regards to it sounding promotional or biased. I will continue to add to it.

User:Swede_johnson01/Judge Paul G. Maughan
I need to have this wiki article posted live, how do I do this?

Swede johnson01 (talk) 22:52, 24 March 2011 (UTC)


 * You have a few issues to fix before going live: you have a few footnotes that don't appear to be footnotes, such as "www.utah.edu".  You already have a wikilink to University of Utah, so you don't need a ref just to prove that there is such a school.  You also need to make the lede clearer, as it has no context for where those counties are (Utah or Timbuktu, you can't tell unless you read further, but the lede should have all' the fundamental data for a person).  Make sure the lede gives some idea of the basic who/what/why/when/where.  Just imagine summarising the guy in 4-5 sentences.  You also need to add Categories at the bottom of the page; recommend you check the bio of a similar judge and copy his categories.  Lastly, WP titles don't use personal/professional titles, so when you Move the article to mainspace, use the new title Paul G. Maughan, without the word "Judge".  He may be'' a judge, but his name is his name regardless. MatthewVanitas (talk) 19:48, 28 March 2011 (UTC)

User:GottaGoOtto/Georgie Draft Wiki Pages
I have never posted on Wikipedia before but have read the manuals and have gathered what I believe are several reliable sources as I wish to create this page for this American Artist. I learned of George Pocheptsov while watching an Oprah show some years ago and have followed him since then. When I read recent article noting that he has donated over $5 million in art to charities, and he had received a full ride scholarship to Harvard, I thought it was the right time to create a Wikipedia page for this American Artist. GottaGoOtto (talk) 23:47, 24 March 2011 (UTC)


 * It seems to conform to several critical criteria such as notability. You just need to improve the details, including image layout (those images are too big) and the links inexternal links section that should have names instead of numbers.--Netheril96 (talk) 18:12, 25 March 2011 (UTC)