Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 May 25

Acquity Group
This article has been reviewed before, but not since I set it live. Can someone take a look and remove the unreviewed tag? Thanks in advance!

Gaebler (talk) 00:32, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Hi Gaebler, just to let you know you should improve your categories. That's about all from me; for further expansion you may want to look for a peer review. Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:02, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks. I'll work on improving the categories! Gaebler (talk) 15:37, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * You're welcome. Crisco 1492 (talk) 10:05, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Vb2k/The Bridge Fellowship
I believe this article has been well documented by both numerous reliable and demonstrative links, as well as personal inspection and discussions of the organization with those who are involved. I welcome constructive feedback. Vb2k (talk) 02:57, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Hi VB2K, it seems you need a bit more work for this. First and foremost, you need to try and find reliable sources to prove notability. Right now you are using mainly primary sources, which is not enough. Other than that, there are a few things that should be fixed.
 * You need to add some categories to make it easier to find your article.
 * Your references are formatted as bare URLs, which are discouraged. Try taking a look at other articles to see how to write descriptive references.
 * Your tone is not very encyclopedic. You may want to try and put it in more neutral terms.
 * Don't forget to wikify. For example, church produces church, with a link to the article about churches.
 * Those are the main things that you should try and deal with before moving the article to main space. Hope that helps. Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:18, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Hans Duistermaat
With some help from others I wrote the article Johannes Jisse Duistermaat, and it has been tagged "new unreviewed article" for almost a half year now. Can somebody please review the article and give feedback? Thank you very much!

Temur (talk) 16:48, 24 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Hi Temur, just to let you know I tagged the article for a few problems. The most important of which is your lack of reliable citations. You need to be able to prove notability, and that requires sources. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:55, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

MTV O Music Awards
The OMAs were just created, and I need some help building it up, along with my Time Bomb article in progress.

Booyahhayoob (talk) 04:49, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Perhaps you could contact WikiProject Music about the developing the awards and WikiProject novels about Time Bomb. Here we generally review the basics (Wikifying, citations, categories, NPOV, and whatnot) which you seem to have under control. Crisco 1492 (talk) 08:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Okay. Thank you. Booyahhayoob (talk) 16:03, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * You're welcome. Crisco 1492 (talk) 10:06, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

[Agriculture MMP]
Kindly review this article.

Director, e-Governance division, Deptt of Informaiton Technology, MoC&amp;IT, India (talk) 05:36, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * You mean Agriculture MMP.


 * I've formatted some of the references using Template:Cite web, and formatted the external link.


 * See also WP:CHEATSHEET.


 * It would help to add links to other articles, e.g. e-Government. "Crop cycle" could perhaps link to Crop rotation by using the syntax;

...all stages of the agricultural crop cycle including the crop selection...


 * ...which would appear as;

...all stages of the agricultural crop cycle including the crop selection...

See WP:LINKING.

And please put it into context - I didn't know which country this was about (India, I guess). What is a "Kisan Centre"?  Chzz  ► 00:39, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ingabinga/Hanif_Kara
Hello all,

this is an article about Hanif Kara, director of Adams Kara Taylor, London-based architectural design firm. Please let me know what you think about this article. Length ok? Neutral? I will insert a picture of Hanif as soon as I have copyright cleared.

Thanks a lot!

Best, Inga

Ingabinga (talk) 09:19, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Hi Ingabinga, the main thing is the notability of the subject, which may not be shown with the sources you are using. Other than that,
 * Don't forget to add categories so that it is easier to find.
 * Use level two headers ( ==Level 2==), not level three headers (===Level 3===) for new sections. Level 3 headers are for subsections.
 * External links should all go at the bottom; I don't think having them in the "Selected Projects" section is allowed.
 * I hope that helps. Crisco 1492 (talk) 10:14, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

Article Review
This is my article on a music band. I have provided links and references. Please confirm from them and if possible augment it from gives references. Please do not add on your own.

zhb (talk) 09:30, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Which? Crisco 1492 (talk) 10:07, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * I guess BloodRockz.


 * The "Creations" section has no references; where can the claims be verified?


 * Besides this the performed shows at Jammu, New Delhi, Dehradun and Goa. BloodRockz was invited by CRPF, Kashmir Division in Badami Bagh to perform a stage show. The band was also interviewed on BIG FM and BBC Radio recently.


 * -please provide references for everything (or remove things that cannot be referenced).


 * The 'Members' section was also unreferenced, so I removed it; see WP:BLPNAME / WP:NPF.  Chzz  ► 00:43, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

[]
Made changes on Life, Achievements, Awards and Family as per the information received from the person for whom the page is being added. Please review and approve. Thanks for your time and help.

Magi. A 10:02, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * The article has major problems with neutrality and a lack of references. For example,

Jeevananthan is a lawyer by education, Artist by passion and a designer by profession. He can be best described as an Artist, Teacher, Movie Critic, Writer and Lawyer. Born on 15th March, 1956 he is the eldest son of N. Velayutham Pillai, a famous banner artist for most of the Tamil films during 1950’s, 60s and 70’s in the Coimbatore Area and the proprietor of Cine Arts established in 1954.

Anything that does not have a reliable source is likely to be removed. See WP:BLP and WP:V.  Chzz  ► 00:49, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

User:sc0974/hybris
Dear reviewer, I'd much appreciate your feedback on this. Please note I'm an employee of hybris, though I tried to keep it as neutral as I can be. However feel free to edit. Kind Regards Stefan

Stefan Schmidt (talk) 10:04, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * I'm worried that the references are not independent - so it might be deleted as 'not notable'. You really need to show facts from sources like newspaper articles - totally unrelated to the company. See WP:VRS and WP:CORP.  Chzz  ► 00:51, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Rainbow Dash/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic following
Because one of the major reasons this cult is happening is due to 4chan, I have little doubt that this article is going to get a bumpy life in the main space. I am requesting your comments so that I can give this article a less bumpy life. Rain bow  Dash  13:48, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * It's listed for deletion, so this will be dealt with in Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cult following.


 * My own opinion is, that it isn't independently notable. Really, it's just a bunch of fans - any info on that could easily be incorporated into the article itself. But that's my opinion, and the AfD will sort things out.  Chzz  ► 00:53, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

Can I get some feedback on my first post and get it moved to the main Wikipedia site? I'd also like the page to be titled Sam Pa. Thanks User:Blogger576930/Enter your new article name here
Can I get some feedback on my first post and get it moved to the main Wikipedia site? I'd also like the page to be titled Sam Pa. Thanks User:Blogger576930/Enter your new article name here

Blogger576930 (talk) 13:58, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Chzz was born in 1837.
 * Name - when you move it, you can call it whatever you like.
 * When you use a reference more than once, 'name' it. I've done that on some now; you could do it on others. An example,

Chzz lives in Footown.

Note that the second usage has a / (and no closing ref tag). This needs a reference section as above; please see user:chzz/demo/namedref to see the result.
 * It begins, The mysterious Sam Pa is believed to be the fabulously wealthy head of the 88 Queensway Group and numerous subsidiary companies - there's three words to avoid there.
 * "mysterious" - because it's not neutral, it's opinion, not fact - stick to facts, let the reader decide what is, and is not, 'mysterious'.
 * "fabulously"(wealthy) - again; matter of opinion, what exactly that means.
 * "numerous" - indicates they are not countable - I'm sure they are, even if there are lots. Again - stick to plain, neutral facts.


 * There are other parts which are not 'neutral' - e.g. One particular political connection Pa tries to keep quiet is that of his connections to the Chinese State - it's not an encyclopaedic tone. Be careful about introducing anything that is opinion, not 'hard fact'.

 Chzz  ► 01:24, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Jlc0605/Mydeco.com New page replacing previously deleted page.
Hello, I've drafted a page about the business mydeco.com as there are many links to a page that has previously been deleted for being too promotional. I modeled the page after the Net-a-Porter page. Grateful for any feedback on the content, whether there are enough substantiating sources, and whether more technical information would make this a better article. thanks.

Jlc0605 (talk) 14:11, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * There's lots of unreferenced claims. For example;

mydeco.com is unusual among dotcom companies in that it launched in the UK and expanded into the United States. In April 2010 the company launched a US version of the website, with over 1,000 US home retailers included in the vertical search engine.

mydeco.com is an online marketplace, aggregating products from many retailers into one website and earning commission when items are purchased on the retailer’s site, or from web traffic sent to the retailer’s websites. The company also generates revenue from online advertising, and by licensing its proprietary technology to third parties.

Since launch, mydeco.com has developed proprietary technology in vertical search and 3D visualization.

...there's lots more; that's just some examples. All facts need reliable sources.

"enables consumers to design, decorate and furnish their own room with real furniture" sounds like spam.

"It is the only free 3D design tool to include 3D models of real products" - strong claim; needs an independent reliable source.

"re-written in Javascript in 2009 to make it more accessible for computer users who do not have access to Flash software" - who says?

"High quality 3D renders are generated" - who says they're "high quality"?

...etc. See WP:NPOV, WP:BFAQ.  Chzz  ► 01:28, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

Thank you very much - very helpful feedback, I will edit the draft. This is my first time creating a wiki page so I appreciate the help. Jlc0605 (talk) 17:00, 27 May 2011 (UTC)Jlc0605

Darrel Ray
New article help welcome. Specific help with the website in the infobox would be great: see comment in wikitext - the Infobox template renders the websites twice. Thank you. Dandv ( talk &#124; contribs ) 14:22, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basanti_Devi_College
samik chowdhury (talk) 14:37, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Articles need references to reliable sources, see WP:VRS, WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 01:29, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SamButlerMSI/Tim_Black
I'd appreciate comments to this page, Tim Black CBE is a founder of Marie Stopes International.

SamButlerMSI (talk) 15:41, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * It needs inline references after each fact. See WP:REFB. Example,

Tim Black grew up in a village in Sussex, England, where he met his future wife Jean. The pair were married in 1962, after Tim qualified in medicine, and started their adventures together by travelling to South Africa and then up to Harare in Zimbabwe, where Tim spent a year as a house doctor.

Returning to England, Tim worked as a senior house officer and registrar while studying for membership of the Royal College of Physicians at Croydon General and Harefield Hospitals. Jean, meanwhile, worked as a medical secretary at Queen Mary's Hospital in Carshalton.

...all facts need a reference; anything unreferenced should be removed. See WP:V, WP:BLP.  Chzz  ► 01:31, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

JustFoodERP Any grammar, structure or cadence errors?
Hi there, Do I have any structure, layout or grammar errors?

I was thinking about adding a section glancing over the software's creating company but thought that would require its own page, no?

Petermarshmallow (talk) 16:33, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * You may want to try the Guild of Copy Editors for that. Crisco 1492 (talk) 10:16, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

Dale_J_Stephens
Looking for feedback and review on this newly created Wikipedia Article. Also it looks like there could be a need for a disambiguous entry on Dale Stephens but I'm not sure what the Wikipedia protocols are for that. Probably best for a more established editor to sort that one out.

Thanks.

3en (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Kruger Brothers
I've created an article and would like to have it reviewed in order to remove the box at the top of it indicating that it is new and unreviewed

69.158.80.75 (talk) 18:05, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

T2 infosec conference
I have created an article for T2 infosec conference. I did my best to have as many reliable sources as possible. Feel free to give feedback, I am happy to update the article!

Timhir (talk) 18:53, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

User:DevinRidley/Sylvia_Gerl
I would like help editing this page, and any advice on getting more natable or print sources. I've never written a wiki page before, so any help and advice would be appreciated :)

DevinRidley (talk) 19:01, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Nicholasjameslowe/Universal Secure Registry
I created this page and submitted it for feedback about a month ago, but have yet to receive any so I'm wondering if I submitted it incorrectly. At any rate, I would greatly appreciate any suggestions for improving it and/or assistance in sending it live. Thank you.

Nicholasjameslowe (talk) 19:55, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Rla222/Hilary Thayer Hamann
I was asked to create a page for Hilary Thayer Hamann by the author herself but since this is my first time creating a page, I could really use some feedback to make sure it won't be deleted after I post it. Thank you!

Rla222 (talk) 19:59, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Failure in the Saddle
We are the Publishers, Savas Beatie, posting on behalf of the author David A. Powell for his book Failure in the Saddle.

Militarybooks (talk) 20:05, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Block Exemption Regulation
I have posted this new article in Wikipedia. Initially, it was created in my talk page. A user called “User: NawlinWiki” had reviewed it several time and was very helpful while I worked on it in my talk page. Any other review is appreciated.

Tomidetogun (talk) 20:48, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Pellston High School
INetNate (talk) 20:50, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

[]
Hi,

A request to review an article about an upcoming event in Dubai.

AllSpace (talk) 20:54, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Howland
I would like input on the article please

VirtuallyNormal (talk) 20:57, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Janis Babson
Please review the article on Janis Babson. If okay, remove the tag from the beginning of article or offer corrections.

Bobm217 (talk) 22:08, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

12th_General_Convention_of_the_Nepali_Congress
Creating new page for the 12th convention to parse off content from then main Nepali Congress page which has become cluttered.

NepMan (talk) 22:12, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BioGamer_Girl
Feedback for a new article to make sure it is properly formatted and setup

Amandadyar (talk) 22:54, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Koralie1987/Crane.tv
I would like to know how I can improve my article. It keeps getting deleted :(( Many thanks!

Koralie1987 (talk) 23:52, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Your article makes no clear assertion that Crane.TV is notable. To be sure, the links provided indicate that the editors of Crane.TV are busy posting their videos on blog sites and the like, but that doesn't make for notability.  An article about this website, in an independent publication, would help.  WikiDan61 ChatMe!ReadMe!! 21:16, 26 May 2011 (UTC)