Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 May 26

user:Jah1989/Halo System
This is a first article so I'm sort of still finding my feet. Could someone please give this a once over and verify that my link works and if you feel my external link could be made into a citation to provide more clarity that would be ace too. This page is meant to come from Actuarial notation and i don't want to create an orphaned article; how do I make sure that they "join up" or will that happen automatically?

Cheers!

Jah1989 (talk) 00:53, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Hi Jah, it seems you have a long way to go. The most important thing is to show the notability of the system using reliable sources. Those sources should discuss the system in-depth, as outlined at the General Notability Guidelines. There are a few more things too:
 * Wikify the article some more. You need more wikilinks.
 * You need to avoid original research and write in a neutral point of view. Stuff like "especially useful" is considered non-encyclopedic.
 * I hope this helps. 10:01, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

Damon Giglio
Damon Giglio article has been re-written and i am am looking for feedback

AlanHoes (talk) 02:28, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * I tagged some things for you to work on. A couple notes:
 * The person may not be notable. Most of your references talk about the company, not him.
 * Your references need to be formatted a little better. Try looking at a featured article to see what I mean. Also, your external links are [[WP:BAREURL|bare URLs, which are discouraged.
 * Don't forget to add categories so that the article can be easily found by readers.
 * I hope this helps, and good luck! Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:48, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Danjel/Rose Bay Secondary College
I'm looking for any feedback that can possibly be improved before replacing the stub at Rose Bay Secondary College. I'm intending to take this to DYK at some point also.

Also I want to make it clear that I have a WP:COI issue in that I used to work for the school (up until earlier this year). I've tried to use neutral language and not inject anything even remotely contentious without references, but I'm happy for anyone to say anything. - danjel  (talk to me) 06:10, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Wow. Notability is fine, categories look good, seems to be fairly neutral. It's ready to go live, but for DYK you will want some more footnotes. I see a roughly 6x expansion, and if I were reviewing for DYK I'd approve it. Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:34, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Ehsan Sehgal What is the reason to
What is the reason to delete the article while it was under progress?. Can you explain why?. Thank you very much sir. Moona and Tehmina,on behalf of Sehgal.

Ehsan Sehgal (talk) 11:29, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * See WP:AUTO, and the messages on your user talk page, User talk:Ehsan Sehgal. See also WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ► 23:56, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

[]
Hi Everyone! I'm trying to create an informational page about the non-profit organization "Building Tomorrow", please help me by adding information and links!

BldgTomorrow (talk) 15:21, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Before you do anything else, you need to change your username (per WP:CORPNAME); you can abandon the user account, or request a change at WP:CHU.


 * You need to do that first.


 * Next...you would have to find better references; see WP:VRS. One reference is definitely not enough.


 * Also, please read WP:BFAQ.  Chzz  ► 23:58, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

Discover Life in America
This is a wiki for the non-profit organization DLIA. When it came to citing the information, the only source was the organizations website which verifies the listed information. Is this a huge issue? Or is it not that big of a problem?

Please go easy on a first time wikipedia user and bring on the constructive criticism!!!

DLIAATBI (talk) 16:20, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * All articles need independent reliable sources; please see WP:VRS and WP:BFAQ. And, as advised on your user page, you need to change your user name.  Chzz  ► 23:59, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_Green_%28Robosigner%29
Hi folks. My first Wikipedia article but I think one way past due. Some questions:
 * This focuses on the most famous robo-signer, Linda Green, but there isn't a page about robo-signers despite that it's become a major issue in the news. Should there also be a robo-signer page?
 * I've linked to six references, all high quality. Because the issue has been in the news so much I could have linked to sixty, all from mainstream news sources, but wanted to leave it open to others.
 * Along the lines of the first bullet, this does not cite the history of robo-signing, the other famous robo-signers, or discuss in-depth what this might mean for the country. Should it?  I didn't want to write a treatise, more to get the ball rolling.
 * I left out the obvious editorial commentary (ex: how could the banks and government allow this to happen) but the question is enormous enough it seems like this should be addressed somewhere. Didn't seem like it belonged on Wikipedia though; more of a straightforward discussion of who's who.

Please let me know what you think, feel free to make edits. I have no idea if it's OK to put an email here so won't. Instead, I'll try to figure out how to gather feedback from the page.

Thanks,

Michael.

Olenick (talk) 17:20, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Mostly it looks OK. I made a couple of changes, so note the following line closely;

As documented by 60 Minutes,


 * I wiki-linked to the article 60 Minutes, and I put the link in  italics , because it's a TV show.
 * I formatted the reference so that the title is the link. For example, putting This is Google will appear like this: This is Google
 * Note that the reference should come immediately after punctuation (a comma in that case)

I made some further, similar edits.

Also, note I changed the first of the external links, similarly, to; * 4closurefraud.org

You could change the others, but to be honest, there's probably too many external links - see WP:EL.

See also WP:CHEATSHEET. And remember to be especially careful to give references for everything, particularly for living people, and particularly for 'negative' claims - please see WP:BLP. Cheers,  Chzz  ► 00:14, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Lou.garay/Squeaky Wheel Media
This article is about a minority/female-owned corporation named Squeaky Wheel Media. It is based in New York city and has developed websites for corporations such as Revlon, Wisdomtree and Lexus. They are a small business but have achieved a lot and I was surprised at the fact that no page already existed for them. Could you be so kind as to help me with the development of this page by providing any feedback or helpful tips to make it more complete? I also need help in differentiating this page from a similar page entitled: Squeaky Wheel Buffalo Media Arts Center.

Lou.garay (talk) 18:22, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm sorry but I'm not going to be very encouraging. One of the fundamental principles is that the subject of an article must meet  the Notability threshold, which, in short requires:

significant coverage in reliable sources that are independent of the subject


 * While websites serving as directories can be used as references for some purposes, they usually do not "count" in terms of establishing notability. I looked quickly, but it appears to me that 4 of your 5 references are directory type listings.


 * One http://theadbuzz.com/2011/05/agency-profile-squeaky-wheel-media-nyc/ is not a directory, and may qualify, although I'm not familiar with the publication and I haven't checked the Reliable sources/Noticeboard to see if it qualifies.


 * There are issues with the presentation of content, but I don't think you should address them unless you can find more qualifying reliable sources. If you do, you should look into how to properly structure a reference. Referencing for beginners is a good start.-- SPhilbrick  T  20:10, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

Ferncroft, New Hampshire
A new page about the Hamlet of Ferncroft, NH. Want to make sure its OK

Skixc2 (talk) 20:43, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * It needs inline references; I will add help on your own user talk page.  Chzz  ► 00:18, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

Untitled
1 have been a chryler person for many years, i asked for help in getting a new vehichle for free but that i could afford only 100.oo a month, but they wanted nothing to do with me, i told them i would be a wealth of advertisment, but they won't even talk to me. i am 60 years old, my current 2003 chryler concorde has over 96,000 miles on it. yes its true for the first time in my life i have fallen on hard times, i am a license practical nures here in wny, but can't travel to a job because of my car. I would like to have just one more new car in my lifetime. i know in my heart i am asking a lot, but won't someone help me. i truly like the new Ford Focus, please if there is anything you can do, i promise to pay back every penny, i have never not paid my own way. please don't think badly of me for asking. HELP

74.69.11.35 (talk) 21:32, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * This page is for feedback on Wikipedia articles; sorry. Can't help with that.  Chzz  ► 00:21, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

Mark Spitz
A section detailing the career of Spitz on the page bearing his name as title has some obscene material, obviously there as a placeholder.

71.236.159.119 (talk) 23:39, 26 May 2011 (UTC)


 * I guess that was some vandalism, which has been removed. If you see anything like that (lacking references), feel free to simply remove it yourself.


 * However, this page is for getting feedback on new articles that you have written. For other help, use WP:HELPDESK. Cheers,  Chzz  ► 00:24, 27 May 2011 (UTC)